[ugh. shit. he was really, really hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate.]
[his breathing gets a little heavier, but sounds like he's trying to fight that. his jaw also locks in almost a defiant sort of look as he stares Aramis dead in the eye. if anything betrays him, it's that his eyes are a little brighter and his voice a little breathier.]
[I know what I am, Aramis. I know what my choices and my circumstances have both made me. I know I'm difficult. I know I'm a drunken mess that you have to pick up after. I know you can have anyone you please, and often do. I know you love Porthos, and he you, and that's not hard to puzzle out why. What makes you want me too, isn't Porthos enough? Doesn't my past scare you? What I did, what it did to me? Why does Porthos insist on making me laugh, why do you insist on taking care of me? I don't understand. I don't understand.]