[Shakes his head] You don't have to apologize. I... I'm glad you might understand, though.
It's alright. Obviously, not alright as in it's not ideal, but... I don't mind talking about it, actually. I don't speak of it often because it upsets Merlin so much, but...
As a knight, you grow up knowing that the day you wake up may be your last. And you learn to enjoy each day as it comes - and it's never far from your mind. [It doesn't distress him nearly as much as it does others, and what distresses and upsets him the most is not that he's dead, but that he left so many behind who mourn for him.]