It's not like I want you to be angry with me. Or unhappy or blame yourself or... or think that I don't love you. Or be jealous. Or any of that.
I... know it's unfair of me. To have unresolved feelings [mrrr] towards Lancelot and at the same time hate to think of how deeply you care for him. But I... [he knows he was able to provide you with company and support and affection that he wasn't able to. But it still sucks.]