[H- he can't help it. Even if he's never admitted as much to his father - and his father has never said anything of the sort... he never talks about her. he can't help but think...]
Even if I'd never want it... [that doesn't mean he's without fault.]
[Shakes his head, breath hitching as he starts crying again, feeling embarrassed but also not caring enough to try to stop] I'm-- I'm really glad she didn't.