[Maybe if Sebastian would be a better caretaker, Ciel would actually eat his vegetables, ever think of that? Geez.]
And would you have taken orders from an inebriated fool, should you be contracted to one? [Ordering Under the Influence (OUI), totally a thing.]
As you've so clearly established, I was not myself. And as a Phantomhive Butler, as well as a demon contracted under my control, you should have acted accordingly to what was best for me, without further scarring my soul. Are you that fond of a bitter meal?