| The Sorcerer's Scroll - Tues, Aug 19th 2008 |
[20 Aug 2008|02:03pm] |
((Released shortly after the Chancellor's announcement and distributed haphazardly - mostly to the effect of providing excess debris to be blown around when the winds kicked up))
The Sorcerer's Scroll
SPECIAL EMERGENCY SURVIVAL EDITION
August 19, 2008
by Simon M. Liebowitz
ATTENTION STUDENT BODY: This is an urgent emergency edition of the Scroll to be used as a SURVIVAL COMPANION throughout the impending tragedy of Tropical Storm Fay. We here at the Scroll are devoted to the well-being of our readership, and intend to arm you with the information necessary to help you persevere through the ravages of a storm that left Naples looking like New Orleans post-Katrina. Any storm that can move from Italy to Florida in the span of one day is destined to have devastating effects!
Upon first signs of landfall it is imperative that citizens make for the highest possible point available with the utmost haste. As Kingdom University is not far above sea level flash flooding is almost guaranteed. If you are in a vehicle evacuate immediately and make for high ground. While still water may appear safe, do not, repeat, do not make any attempts to swim to your destination, for the rising waters will not only be beset by strong currents become dangerous hunting grounds for the indigenous alligator population, as well as more dangerous creatures moving inland from the sea.
Furthermore, stay away from trees, towers or any other likely conduits for lightning strikes. Furthermore stay away from electrical appliances and computers, and avoid using cell phones, for if lightning strikes a communication tower at the right moment it could send lethal feedback directly through said device and into your body. It is strongly advised that any networked electronic devices be destroyed immediately for the sake of one’s personal safety.
In the very likely event of a tornado… Well, this reporter prays that such an event never comes to pass, for all that would be left is to make peace with your respective god and accept the consequences we’ve brought down for thinking ourselves the masters of Mother Nature.
From those of us here at the Scroll, good luck… and godspeed.
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