Jemma | Gabriel.
Did she survive? The young woman with the blood clot?
Relapses are to be expected when the addiction is as strong as yours sounds. Are you saying this organisation encouraged your murderous tendencies?
How exactly did they make it possible for you to realise that wasn't how your ability worked? In my experience compartmentalisation is never a good thing, when too many secrets are kept from too many people things can slip through the cracks and untold damage can be done.
You didn't give up trying though, even after relapsing so many times. That's half the battle, not giving up when things get difficult.