That's on him. Look. I know we've got different perspectives on this. But I think you're unfairly burdening yourself. John was the one who made a conscious decision to defect, and by virtue of his position, was able to force others into acting on his behalf. That has no bearing on your character or worth.
You were a good person, Trip. A good person and a good agent. That was enough.
You don't have to apologize. You feel how you feel. But I'm not going to stop telling you you're wrong if you keep insisting you didn't measure up.