You know, it sounds like you make a lot of excuses. There are probably reasons. There always are. But whatever brought you into HYDRA, it's up to you to make your own choices moving forward. And I think you're not going to be able to unless you deal with that. You have an opportunity here that you wouldn't have anywhere else. You get to start over. And maybe you don't deserve that. Maybe you do. That's not up to me. But it is up to you to embrace that or to keep holding on to your past.
Life's not fair. Anyone who says it is, they're bullshitting you. But it gives you chances, even if they're completely bizarre.