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clint barton sees better from a distance ([info]theyremymess) wrote in [info]jurassiccitynet,
@ 2017-02-17 19:57:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:clint barton / hawkeye (mcu), melinda may, phil coulson (mcu)

Sure. Why not. This seems like a thing.

May, you're great and all, but I am way past the age for drunk one-night stands, so I'm guessing this is magic. Really weird magic.

I hate magic.

Futz me. My wife is going to kill me.


(Post a new comment)


[info]disappointeddad
2017-02-18 01:30 am UTC (link)
May's not going to kill you. She's far less homicidal than people assume.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 01:34 am UTC (link)
I've sparred with May. She's absolutely as homicidal as people assume.

And I was talking about my wife. Which is why I said "my wife".

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[info]disappointeddad
2017-02-18 01:40 am UTC (link)
Yes. But you're not intending on sparring with her while you're married, are you?

Yes. Your wife at the moment is May. Pretty sure there's no other candidates in contention for the title. I did keep pretty up to speed even while I was... uh, otherwise indisposed.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 01:47 am UTC (link)
Probably. Good way to keep in shape.

Wow. I mean, I know I didn't talk about it at work, but I never figured you were that oblivious. I've been married since before Nick brought me to SHIELD.

And before you give me shit for not telling you, remember that time you pretended to be dead for years and never told me yourself you were alive.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]disappointeddad
2017-02-18 01:53 am UTC (link)
Then maybe she will kill you. I'll make sure the funeral is tasteful.

Wait. You're kidding, right? This is some sort of prank to get back at me for... well, the whole being dead thing. And to be fair, I was dead. Just not as long as Nick wanted everyone to think I was.

And I wanted to. I just wasn't allowed.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 02:02 am UTC (link)
I've sparred with Nat at least once a week for over a decade. I can handle sparring with May. Besides, I like a challenge. If it's too easy, it's not fun.

Her name's Laura. We have three kids. Coop, Lila and Nate. Nick's the godfather. Nat's the godmother. Nick comes to Sunday dinner whenever he has time. Nat's still offended Nathaniel wasn't a Natasha.

Bullshit.

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[info]disappointeddad
2017-02-18 02:05 am UTC (link)
Huh. I guess Nick was keeping my secrets than I figured he was. I have to say. This is... unexpected. But I suppose understandable considering your position. Black Ops doesn't usually make for a happy home situation when your information is public.

It was protocol at first. Then just safer to keep the Avengers out of it all.

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[info]survives
2017-02-18 02:14 am UTC (link)
Great Lord Coulson is a fallible entity. Oh, how his disciples will weep.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 02:18 am UTC (link)
Hey, he's got the whole Jesus resurrection thing going for him.

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[info]survives
2017-02-18 02:19 am UTC (link)
Yeah. Until he went bonkers and tried to murder everyone because of it.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 02:20 am UTC (link)
Kid, Nick Fury is one of my best friends in the world. Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter.

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[info]survives
2017-02-18 02:22 am UTC (link)
Maybe not everyone. But he wasn't particularly concerned with the collateral damage.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 04:48 pm UTC (link)
So, I'm detecting some bitterness here. Phil didn't hug you enough?

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[info]survives
2017-02-18 06:49 pm UTC (link)
He got close once. But I don't think it ever actually happened. But he did plenty of other things. Some of them I deserved. Others... Well.

Most people would think twice about handing someone over to their abuse older brother just to get rid of them. Especially when they knew full well that the ultimate result would have been an execution and said person was trying to be better than what they were.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 02:19 am UTC (link)
They weren't Nick's secrets to keep. They were mine. It was a condition of joining. I didn't want Laura being put in harm's way.

Nobody else knew. Just Nick and Nat. When I took Nat off to break her conditioning, I took her to the farm. It was good for her.

Again, bullshit.

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[info]disappointeddad
2017-02-18 02:25 am UTC (link)
So, that's where you guys disappeared to. All I got was that it was above my pay grade.

All right. Fine. I was afraid of how you'd react. And I made a lot of decisions I wasn't proud of. And I wasn't the same person that any of you knew before.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 04:48 pm UTC (link)
Well, it was above your paygrade.

Because you're a dumbass. We're friends, Phil. I wasn't going to judge you because you made some shit choices. Okay, I'd judge a little, but I wouldn't stop being your friend.

So, let's try this again. Do-over or whatever. Hi, I'm Clint Barton. I shoot arrows and tell dad jokes and I have a secret farm and a secret family.

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[info]disappointeddad
2017-02-18 06:56 pm UTC (link)
You'd have judged me most of these, Clint. I was judging myself pretty harshly for most of them. Nick put me in charge. He should have realized how badly that would go. I think with my heart, my emotions, and that's not the way things need to be run.

Phil Coulson. Until very recently, the Director of SHIELD's covert unauthorized reconstruction, unapologetic Captain America fan boy, and walking bad decision machine.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]shutupbarton
2017-02-18 07:20 pm UTC (link)
Waitaminute-waitaminute-wait-a-minute.

You have a farm and a family? You are totally...that's just...Wow.

Kate. Another Hawkeye. We say the best back home and would say it here too but we're playing nice Your once and former protege from another reality.

What's your favorite Dad joke?

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[info]younghawk
2017-02-18 02:31 am UTC (link)
Hey there alt-u Hawkeye. It's kinda funny that this place is marrying people off as soon as they come in. What if one comes in alone?

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 04:43 pm UTC (link)
Hey there, teenager.

I guess maybe they get assigned a cat?

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[info]younghawk
2017-02-18 05:38 pm UTC (link)
Francis.

I wish I was assigned a cat.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 05:54 pm UTC (link)
Ouch. My middle name is Francis. Never liked it. Sorry your parents stuck you with that one.

I prefer dogs.

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[info]younghawk
2017-02-18 06:12 pm UTC (link)
I know. My bio-mom thought it was funny, I guess. I've grown used to it.

I have a dog. His name is Lucky. The point is I'd rather get stuck with a cat than someone else's boyfriend.

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[info]shutupbarton
2017-02-18 07:21 pm UTC (link)
He also totally responds to pizza-dog. In case Clint hadn't mentioned that.

He's the best dog.

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[info]younghawk
2017-02-20 01:07 am UTC (link)
Yeah, Dad may have mentioned that but I like to try and stick with Lucky.

He really is.

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[info]shutupbarton
2017-02-21 05:03 am UTC (link)
He's even smart enough to know better than to fetch pineapple, but he totally does come by that name naturally.

When all this mess winds down, we'll have to go out for runs. Don't worry, I trust you're taking care of him. I promise no stealing the dog again. Which. I maintain wasn't stealing. He liked California. But your Dad needs him to keep him out of trouble.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]somuchred
2017-02-18 05:51 am UTC (link)
It's about time.

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[info]theyremymess
2017-02-18 04:44 pm UTC (link)
Sorry I'm late to the dinosaur party.

You're backing me up when Laura decides to kill me.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]almostavenger
2017-02-22 12:28 am UTC (link)
Your wife might surprise you and be understanding about our current situation. Then again she might kill you.

(Reply to this)

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