I love you. And it's not like I didn't know I love you. I just didn't plan on saying it like that. Or at all really. I mean, I planned on saying it eventually, in an abstract sense. But I didn't want to just blurt it out. And when I did, I was terrified. Which is stupid. But I was. Because the last time I said that, I ended up with a hand in my chest. But that wasn't even the worst part. I know it should be, but it wasn't. The worst part was the moment when Eobard looked at me and said "Now why did you have to go and say that? Everything was going so well." When he told me he couldn't do the relationship any more because of what I'd said. That he didn't love me. And I was terrified that's what you were going to say. Not in that way, because you aren't a complete dick, but I was scared that you were going to look at me and say that you didn't. Because you couldn't lie. And then I'd know that I'm just fundamentally someone that people can't love.
So I ran off and hid in a closet and had a panic attack. And then I went and yelled at Eobard because I hate that I'm still so damaged because of him. That was stupid. I know it was stupid. And I know you're going to be pissed. And I'm sorry. I wasn't in a great place, mentally or emotionally. He told me he did love me, that he just didn't know how to handle emotions. That kind of makes everything worse. I told him he needs therapy.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. But I love you. And if you don't love me, I'll deal. I can handle it. But I wanted to give you the opportunity to respond because I didn't before and that was not okay.