InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Hahaha Explode"

eddie thawne (iamthehero) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2016-10-17 22:31:00

Entry tags:

barry allen / the flash, cisco ramon / vibe, eddie thawne

Okay. Not where I expected to end up. There's a lot more... dinosaurs here than I thought there was going to be. Am I going to have to apologize to my mother for saying creationism was idiotic? Whenever she shows up, at least...

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	portential 2016-10-18 02:16 am UTC (link)
	You died. And it was my fault. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	iamthehero 2016-10-18 02:22 am UTC (link)
	Barry. No. I made my choice. I was the fastest way to get him out of the picture, and it was the only way I could help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	portential 2016-10-18 02:27 am UTC (link)
	I should have been fast enough. I should have been able to stop him. You weren't supposed to die. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	iamthehero 2016-10-18 02:32 am UTC (link)
	I didn't really live, either. He said it himself. The one Thawne lost to time. If I was that insignificant, I would die to save all of you than live through whatever terror he would have wrought. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	portential 2016-10-18 02:43 am UTC (link)
	What are you talking about? You were one of the best people I ever knew. You were a fantastic cop. You were a good man. None of that is insignificant. You were my friend. Iris loved you. And it's fine for you to throw all of that away because your asshole family doesn't appreciate how amazing you are. Screw you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	iamthehero 2016-10-18 02:50 am UTC (link)
	Go on. Yell at me. I can only imagine the things you want to say. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

portential
2016-10-18 03:15 am UTC (link)

What do you want me to say? What you did was stupid and reckless and selfish. You let Eobard get in your head. You let him make you think you were lacking and that is so fucking stupid that I want to shake you until you get it through your head that you are worth more than whatever he convinced you was true. That throwing away your life was a waste. That you are good. That you are, without question, the best man I have ever known. That the world is lacking without you in it.

I hate you so much for thinking that was the only way to stop him. I hate that no matter what I do I'm never fast enough or strong enough and people keep dying. I am so tired of losing people. I hate myself because it's always the people closest to me who suffer. You died. Ronnie died. My parents died. Caitlin lost her husband because of me. Iris lost you. Everything that happened was because of me. I'm never fast enough. I'm never good enough. I fail and people die. I can't keep doing this. I should have been able to stop him. I should have made it clear to you just how important and valued you were as a person so you wouldn't think killing yourself was a valid means of stopping him. I should have stopped him and I should have stopped Zoom before they could kill people. I should have died when I was eleven and then none of this ever would have happened and he would have had no reason to screw with your lives.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	iamthehero 2016-10-18 03:29 am UTC (link)
	Barry. Barr, breathe. It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. You didn't ask for powers, and you certainly didn't asked for psychos to come banging at your door after you got them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

portential
2016-10-18 03:39 am UTC (link)

It doesn't matter what I asked for or what I want. I have these powers and I'm supposed to do something with them and I just keep failing. I keep getting people killed. And that's my fault. Because I should be better. I should be fast enough to save the people I love. Because what's the point of having these powers if I can't ever save the people most important to me.

And I'm being stupid and selfish and unloading all of this on you when you died and I can't do anything right. I just fuck everything up.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	iamthehero 2016-10-18 03:49 am UTC (link)
	You've done way more than most people would have. And that counts. I know it probably doesn't feel like it when your failures seem so much more significant than the victories. But you've saved the city a dozen times over by now. That. That matters. And you're not stupid or selfish. You're allowed to unload, Barr. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	eobard \| barry. ibecamelikeyou 2016-10-18 03:30 am UTC (link)
	Really? Must you be so melodramatic? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	eobard \| barry. portential 2016-10-18 03:52 am UTC (link)
	Shut up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	eobard \| barry. ibecamelikeyou 2016-10-18 03:59 am UTC (link)
	Oh, touchy. (Reply to this) (Parent)

[Barry | Cisco]

goodvibrations
2016-10-18 03:43 am UTC (link)

Okay, calm down.

Getting in people's heads is what that guy does. He did it to you, to Hartley, to me. Everybody.

And you didn't fail. Sometimes you just can't save everybody Barry, not even you. I know you have the hero complex, but sometimes it just doesn't work how we want it to. And the list of people who died suck, but there's a way longer list of people you've SAVED. You've saved all our lives, the city, lots of tiny kids.

If you hadn't been there, a lot of really shitty things would have happened without you there to stop it. You can't fix everything, we can just keep trying. But you've made it better than it would have been. Trust me, I'm the one who sees how it goes.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

harry | barry.

fatherfirst
2016-10-18 11:20 pm UTC (link)

You're still human, Barry. You can't put all of that on yourself when you've made no more mistakes than anyone else does in the course of their life. Especially when so many of those things were the result of other people's choices, and nothing that you could have stopped.

There probably is a world out there where you died at eleven, Barry. And I can only imagine they're so much worse off for it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

barry | len.

chillout
2016-10-19 10:26 pm UTC (link)

Barry.

If you were dead my sister would be too.

If you were dead I might have stayed on the same path, straight to hell, and a lot more people might have been hurt. By me, by Mick, by Lisa. The Santini's would still run the neighborhoods and families would still be scrambling for protection money.

Do you know why there's a Flash day, Barry? Action figures? Costumes? Because you a hero to people you don't even know about. There are people that you'll never talk to, never meet, that are alive because of you. Neighborhoods that are safe. Bank tellers and cops and construction workers, whoever, that are alive because of you.

Have people close to you died? Yes. Have there been civilians that you can't save? Yes. But for every one of them there's another you did. It doesn't make the failures any easier but the second you think you don't deserve to live is the second that you invalidate all the lives that you have saved Barry. Including mine.

You need to step back and stop talking about this for a little while so we can get your head back in the right place, alright? You deserve to be alive.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

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