He had done nothing in the fight except nearly die. Even when he'd managed to break free of the hold the Kraken's tentacle had on him and destroy it, he'd been immediately captured by another tentacle. He'd done absolutely nothing of value, helped no one and achieved nothing. All he could do was flee. And it weighed on him. The way he had not been able to help in any way. Especially when Vax had died as a result. His inventions, and even his vestige, had been of no use. Even the small bit of magic he possessed, magic he didn't want and rather hated, had been useless.
He knew Scanlan was trying to talk to him, but he was having difficulty focusing on what he was saying. Of course it was his fault. So many things were his fault. "I wish you had all never found me," he said, the words caught up in shaky, hitched breaths. "I wish you'd left me to rot in that cell. You would all be better off without me. Vex died because of me. Grog died because of me. I nearly got you all killed on Glintshore because of my mistakes and my demons. I nearly brought Raishan's wrath on us far sooner with that stunt I pulled in Whitestone. I drove you away because I always do the wrong thing. I couldn't save Vax. I risked all of your lives selfishly because I wanted vengeance. I gave myself to a demon and...I always make the wrong choices. It would have been better if someone else had lived. Anyone else. They would have done something better with their life than this. Ripley should have just killed me. I wish she had. You all should have just left me dead!" He wasn't really thinking, the words just spilling out. Old worries and fears and self-recriminations. "I wish they hadn't brought me back. If they hadn't, maybe you would have stayed with them."