InsaneJournal

"I love you."

The words came out without Hartley evening meaning for them to. It wasn't even like anything really prompted them. He and Cisco were both working in the lab and Cisco was wearing one of his stupid shirts that Hartley didn't hate nearly as much as he pretended to and his boyfriend had made some dumb, nerdy joke. And the words just spilled out. He knew why, of course. Something was happening that was making people be honest. But he hadn't expected that.

As soon as he realized what he said, he froze, going pale and stunned.

"I love you."

"Now, why did you have to go and say that? Everything was going so well."

His hands shook at his sides and he abruptly jumped to his feet, heedless of the way he swayed ever so slightly as he stood.

"W-What? What do you mean?"

"It was fine. Everything was just fine the way it was, but I can't...I can't do this."

He was out of the room before he even realized he was running, not stopping until he found an out of the way closet where nobody would think to look for him.

"Please don't walk away from me."

There was a hand in his chest and everything hurt. Every breath was agony. He felt like he'd been torn apart. And it was just pain and more pain until it was nothing. And all he could think was it was his fault for asking for too much.

He collapsed to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and struggling to breathe past the panic that was squeezing his chest like a vice. He knew panic attacks. He'd had them before. But that didn't make it any easier to get past the hyperventilating and the shaking and the overwhelming anxiety clawing at his brain. He knew he was crying and there was a part of him that was embarrassed. He wanted to throw up, but thankfully that didn't happen. He didn't want to cause more of a mess than he already had.

He hadn't meant to tell Cisco. He hadn't even quite realized his feelings were that strong. And he knew his reaction made no sense. He knew Cisco wasn't Eobard. Logically, he knew that. But it didn't make it any easier to stop feeling terrified that, now that he had said the words, it would all fall apart. Cisco wouldn't kill him. He was a good person. But the fact remained that everyone Hartley had ever loved had hurt him in one way or another. And this latest hurt had been bad. Really bad. Traumatizing, apparently.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, pale and shaking and sobbing as he tried to pull himself together. He felt exhausted when he was done. Struggling to his feet, he did his best to pull himself together but knew he hadn't really managed it. He knew he needed to talk to Cisco, to reassure him. He was probably worried after that display.

But he didn't end up at Cisco's.

He ended up somewhere very stupid instead.

His hand came up almost without him meaning for it to, and he banged on the door loudly. Might as well get this over with.