Who: Alecto Carrow and Daniel Travers What: A hot mess of an argument Where: Ally's flat When: The early hours of Thursday morning Rating: PG, just for language Status: Completed log
Despite her warning not to come he was here anyway. It was almost three o'clock in the morning when he finally arrived at her door still dressed in his work attire. He would have been here sooner, but he had a job to do and calling in sick is never an option.
Now on the verge of sleep deprivation, Danny stood at the door to Ally's flat. She was far more important to him than a good night's rest. After a few lingering moments he clutched the doorknob and slowly turned it to just barely open the door. He was well versed in ways to keep himself protected and while Ally may have no intentions of actually hurting him (that he knew of) he couldn't very well just walk through the door unannounced. So, using the door as a shield of sorts, he leaned forward slightly to peek through the small opening. "Alecto?!" He called out to her unaware if she was home or not, but also in warning to let her know that it was him.
Alecto was awake, from a late night of impromptu healing at the Lestrange manor. Bellatrix was attacked randomly in Hogsmede, and Alecto's services were needed. It was a welcome distraction from her own thoughts, even though she hated that it was Bellatrix that was hurt. But she needed to focus on something that wasn't Danny and his...antics.
When she finally got home at two am, she collapsed on the bed, but she couldn't sleep. Thoughts of Danny kept her awake. She tossed and turned for about an hour before she heard his voice coming from the front of the flat. Her bedroom door was open, so she could hear him clearly from the front, since the flat was so tiny anyway. "Go away," she muttered before rolling over away from him.
Even from behind the barely opened door he could hear Ally mutter something that didn't sound very pleasant. From the tone in which she muttered whatever she had said, it was clear that she was not happy and more than likely didn't want him here. Nevertheless, Danny pushed open the door and stepped inside before closing it gently behind him.
He crossed the small room to her bedroom and stood in the open doorway. His eyes fell upon her immediately though she was not facing him. With a soft sigh, he hung his head for a moment and brushed his fingers through his hair. "I know it's late," he began. "But we should talk..." he trailed off, lifting his head to look at her again.
She was tired, and wasn't able to really deal with Danny at this moment. She had been so angry earlier, and was at least pacified with having something to do, someone to help earlier in the evening. Now she was alone with her thoughts, and she really wanted to stay that way.
"Danny, please... I don't want to do this right now," she said thickly, trying to prevent the sudden rush of emotion that caught in her throat. She didn't look at him, but remained in the curled up position on her bed, clutching her pillow tightly.
"Yeah? Well I do," he shot back. He was tired too, but he hated seeing her upset like this. She had been plaguing his mind all evening except for the few hours he had while working. There would be no sleep for him had he not shown up here to try and rectify whatever he'd done.
Danny's long legs carried him swiftly into Ally's room, rounding her bed to the other side where he crouched low so that his face was now level with hers. His eyes instantly found hers and it sent a flutter of excitement through him -- she always had this effect on him. "Look... Everything that was said, it was nothing. I didn't mean anything by it and neither did she. I promise you that."
Alecto shut her eyes as he crossed the room and let out a long breath as he spoke. "I said I didn't want to talk" she answered through gritted teeth. Her mind was racing, but she kept still, clutching the pillow even tighter. "You were flirting with her. You were!" Her voice started to raise and she shut her eyes again and rolled over, putting her back to him.
She was acting like a petulant child, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was toying with her, that all of this was just temporary at best. But she was hurt, and not in the usual way for her. Physical pain was nothing new to Alecto, but this dull ache in her heart was too much for her to bear. So in her irrationally hurt state of mind, she lashed out at Danny and just spit out, "If you want her then just go. Just... spare me, okay?"
"Ally!" He called to her as she turned away from him. But he didn't get up this time and instead remained in his spot forced to stare at her back. For a moment he didn't quite understand why she was so upset. To him there was nothing wrong. He and Nona had their fling years ago and now all that was left was friendly flirting. Nothing would ever come of it as neither of them wanted the other. He was so sure Ally would know this.
At her words he suddenly he made a face, his brow furrowing, eyes narrowing as they grew darker with anger and confusion. "What?!" He blurted out, almost yelling in complete shock and surprise. "No!" He shouted and quickly rose to his feet then rounded the bed back to the other side. The anger was steadily rising in him and he wondered how she could even ?! "I don't want her, Ally! I want you!"
Alecto still couldn't look at him, even as he said the words she wanted to hear. Her mind wouldn't let her understand them. Her insecurities ran deep, still forcing her to believe that no one in their right mind would ever love her. He had even said it, granted, it was when he thought he was dying, but Alecto still refused to believe him. And now it was all coming to a head. Everything was leading her to the already formed conclusion in her mind: he didn't want her, no one did.
"Stop it. Stop toying with me," she muttered into the pillow, burying her face in it. She didn't have the energy to roll over away from him again. "I can't do this..." she said thickly after a long pause. She was getting too close to him, and while she desperately wanted him, it was hurting her too much. The more he chipped away at the wall around her heart, the more it hurt. So she came up with the only solution she knew. "Maybe we should... go back to the way things were."
The words hit him like daggers. It was as though he could feel them one by one piercing the skin with their hair splitting blades, ripping through the thick muscle within his chest and taring deep into his beating heart. His breathing hitched and a sense of frightened panic quickly consumed him. Danny just stood there, his expression blank, his eyes empty with his jaw slightly hung open.
"No..." he muttered softly after a long pause in the deafening silence shaking his head slowly. "No, no, no, no," he said again in rapid succession as he took a few steps forward and fell to his knees. Instinctively he grabbed her small delicate hands with his much larger and coarse ones and squeezed them gently. "I can't, baby... We can't!" He was desperate and slowly realizing that he may be on the verge of losing her again. "Don't do this, Ally..."
Alecto pushed herself up on her knees in the bed and tried to pull her hands away from his. They felt rough, but comforting at the same time. Those hands had touched her, like no other person ever had before. She knew they had created the same sort of horrors as her hands did, but they were capable of such tenderness that Ally had never felt in her life before. But suddenly, his hands on hers weren't comforting; they stabbed at her heart, causing an intense pain to shoot through her chest and the lump in her throat to get even bigger.
"No... let go!" she whined as she finally got her hands free. "You can't what?" she shot back, her voice finally starting to rise. "I'm telling you that I can't do this! It's not fair! You make me fall for you like this and then go off flirting with other women? We may as well go back to the way things were! It's easier that way, don't you see that?"
Danny remained on his knees at the side of the bed reduced to having to look up at her now as she towered over him. When they stood next to each other this was reversed. In some weird way, the position he suddenly found himself in was quite indicative of what was happening. His life was quite literally in her hands. For so long he kept his heart to himself, shielding it from others, taking great care in protecting it. And now, she took his heart and perhaps had taken his soul as well. Alecto had the control to destroy him right where he was kneeling...
"I can't go back to how things were! That isn't an option for me anymore!" He shouted in desperation, his hands clutching the bedsheets in tight fists close to her knees. His heart was racing, each beat was a loud thud pulsating through his chest and head. "It was nothing, Alecto!" He bellowed, the anger beginning to mask the hurt he felt. "Of all people I would expect you to know that! No one else matters to me this much! You mean everything to me! So, fuck you! If you had truly fallen for me you wouldn't be so willing to give this up!" His chest was gently heaving as his breathing became more rapid. "Why are you doing this?!"
"Cause this hurts!" she screamed back, clutching her hair wildly. Without saying another word, she collapsed back onto the bed next to his hands, her body wracked with sobs. She couldn't explain her fears to him, there was no way he would understand. It was so much more than words he wrote on a page. He was getting too close, tapping into a part of her that was raw and vulnerable, a part Alecto had kept closed off ever since she was a child.
Danny watched Ally fall and begin to cry. His eyes scanned over her pain stricken face then traveled down the length of her body. Words had escaped him. Between the hurt he felt and the love he had for her, it was too much. After a few moments he finally crawled up onto the bed on his hands and knees and moved over her. He hated to see her like this. Especially when it was his doing. Bending his elbows just slightly, he lowered his head to bury his face into the crook of her neck and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, baby..." he whispered softly, his lips just barely touching her as his hot breath washed over the delicate spot on her neck.
Ally whimpered a bit as his lips brushed her skin and closed her eyes tightly, trying to calm herself down. She was still sobbing, but his touch wasn't calming her down, it was making things worse. Being comforted was a rare occurrence for her. Again, he was opening up a part of her that desperately wanted to be held and loved. She had tried to close it off, keep that part of her locked away and fight away anyone who came close, but suddenly, in this moment, she wasn't sure she could keep fighting.
She shook her head and her breathing hitched in her throat. "I don't know what I'm doing..." she managed to choke out as she quickly covered her eyes with her hands, still sobbing.
He felt as though he were fighting; not against her, but to save them. It terrified him to think what might happen if she left. She was his world, his everything he worked so hard for. Alecto had so much more control over him than he led her to believe. Danny lifted his head from her neck to look down at her. With one hand he reached up to gently take her by the wrist and pull her hands from her face one at a time. His eyes immediately found hers and he lingered there hovering above her, gazing down into her eyes.
"I can't go back," he echoed from earlier, his tone soft but weak. "Because... Ally, I love you," he finally told her, wanting to say it, needing to tell her. "I wouldn't say it unless I meant it... I did the first time and I do now... I don't want anyone else, I'm done. You have me and you have my heart as well. So I can't go back anymore..." Choking back tears, he quickly looked away from her and crawled off of the bed, now standing there with his back towards her and nervously running his fingers through his hair.
As he took her wrists, she instinctively struggled, still having a little bit of that terrified flight response left in her. But his words stopped her completely: the panic attack subsided and her tears dried up. Instead she stared up at him in shock. She searched his eyes, and while the horrible self doubt threatened to show itself, she knew that his eyes weren't lying to her. He loved her, someone loved her. A tiny gasp escaped her throat as he got up off the bed. She didn't move for a few long moments, and when she finally did, she found that she was shaking.
Slowly, she crawled to the edge of the bed, and stood up. Without saying a word, she leaned her head against his back and wrapped her arms around his waist. She didn't know what to say. The words were in her head, but she couldn't make her mouth form them, not yet. In that moment, she wanted to really understand what it meant to be loved, for the first time in her life.
Danny was not a sensitive man by any means. But this 5 foot 2 inch woman standing behind him brought his 6 foot 3 inch frame down to his knees and nearly made him cry. Even with just her head against his back and her arms around his waist, he needed to feel her touch. After a few lingering moments, he pulled her arms away and turned to face her. He cupped her cheek with his large hand and began thumbing it softly with his eyes fixed on hers. There was still so much he wanted to tell her, admit to her, but he couldn't bring himself to say much more. He told her exactly what he had been longing to say since the day of the gala and once again she was silent. It scared him... Maybe she truly did not feel the same way and she did not want this.
"I don't know what you want to do," he finally said.
Alecto was still fighting with herself, even as she held him tightly around the waist. Her arms were shaking even as Danny pulled them away and faced her. He touched her face so gently that part of her longed to be touched like that forever, while another part of her was panicking, ready to run far away. But she kept her feet firmly on the ground, even if she was shaking horribly.
"Danny..." she started in a tiny voice. "I'm sorry, baby. I don't...I don't know how to do this... I'm..." she trailed off. Her brain was trying to focus on him; not on her fears, not on the irrational, scared child she had become earlier. She bit her bottom lip and finally looked away from his piercing stare. She took a deep breath and finally said very slowly, "I'm trying... No one ever said that to me before..."
Even as she looked away, Danny's eyes were fixated on her face, trying to read her expression as best he could. His hand slipped away from her cheek as she spoke. The daggers in his heart finally drawing blood as what he feared the most seemed to be slowly coming true. She didn't love him... His heart began to pound once again, the sound almost deafening in his ears as he started breathing slightly faster.
"I've never said it to anyone before... But I want to say it to you because I've never felt this way about anyone... I won't push you, but I will wait for you..." he trailed off, true to his word. She possesed his heart and where she would take it, he would have to follow. Even if she chose to run away and go back to how things were, any bloke who stepped in between would have to deal with him. Because in his mind, no matter what, Ally will always be his girl.
Alecto nodded slowly, showing that she understood, all the while still shaking terribly. His words hit a chord, and she suddenly let out a loud laugh. She had put up with so much in her life, she had made so many allowances. She hid the scars made by her father for years and made excuses for men who beat her, but she couldn't allow this wonderful man in front of her to get too close to her, to actually love her. And yet, he'd wait for her. The foolishness finally hit her, and she continued laughing, moving into hysterics very quickly. "I'm such a bloody idiot!" she exclaimed loudly, and continued laughing. She took a few deep breaths, and finally calmed down, putting a hand to her chest. As her breathing finally came close to a normal rate, she reached out a hand and touched his face. "You were always there... and I always pushed you away didn't I?" she said with her head cocked to the side.
To say that Danny was confused would be an understatement. Then again, he always felt that dragons were far easier to understand than women. He wasn't quite sure why Ally was laughing the way that she was. Had he made her go mad? He turned his head slightly and furrowed his brows as he watched her carefully. Here he had finally admitted to almost everything and she was in hysterics. Did she think he was a fool for feeling this way about her?
"You are?" He asked curiously after she had calmed down a bit and finally spoke. The simple touch of her hand to his face sent a flutter of excitement through him. She always made him feel like he was 15 again whenever she touched him, even in the most subtle of ways. "Yeah... We both went our own ways though... But always ended up coming right back..." He paused a moment then gave her a small smile as his eyes found hers. "When we were kids, I really liked you. I guess I never stopped. But now..."
Alecto looked down again, blushing this time. "I really liked you too, when we were little. And all that time, you always made me feel better than anyone else. Well... I guess that's what made me so crazy... it scared me. Still does. I mean..." she trailed off and looked away. "Oh I don't know what I mean."
She was so tired, all of a sudden. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep that made her lose all rational thought, or it was just her own deep seated insecurities, but the bottom line was, she had panicked. And now, when she looked back at the emotional roller coaster of the past hour, she felt like a either a complete idiot, or a crazy person. "Danny, I'm sorry." She shook her head and then finally leaned her head into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. In a very quiet voice, she whispered, "I want you. I always did. And you should know... I um..." She trailed off and shut her eyes tightly, and in the quietest whisper she said "mutual." It was the best she could do, aside from saying the actual words. One day, maybe she could. But in this moment, she took the biggest risk of her life, and admitted her feelings. Still squeezing him tightly, she buried her face in his chest, shocked that she actually admitted her feelings to both him, and more importantly, to herself.
Danny wrapped his well toned arms around her, holding her protectively to him as he rested his chin on the top of her head. He didn't say anything more for the time being, letting the silence envelope them. In an odd way it eased his ailing mind to know that it was simply her fears that seemed to push her away from him. He could understand this because it scared him too. As a thrill-seeker, a dare devil of sorts, rarely anything scared him. Death was just a severe consequence of having too much fun. But losing Alecto...
For years he had suppressed these steadily growing feelings he had for her, convincing himself they were nothing more than a deep rooted crush he still had. As the years wore on and the time spent together through the days and nights became more and more, his thoughts and feelings for her increased. It came to the point where he couldn't go a day without seeing her or talking to her. Every decision he made he made with her in mind... Until everything suddenly spilled over. "So... we're okay then?" He finally asked, breaking the long silence between them, but he didn't even know the answer to the question himself.
Alecto held him tightly, still shaking badly, and breathed in deeply as he held her. His embrace seemed to finally calm her, and the inner voice telling her to run far away was quieted. She let silence fill the room for a few long moments, and all she listened to was their combined heartbeats, both pounding loudly in their chests.
Finally, she pulled away just enough to look up at him and nodded. "Yes, we're okay. And I'm sorry I doubted you..." She bit her lip and looked away for a moment. While it was his words on a page that started this fight, it was her doubts that caused it to escalate. Bringing her eyes back to him, she met his eyes and whispered, "Forgive me?"
Danny tilted his head down to look at Ally when she pulled away. His gaze immediately met hers and he couldn't help but get lost in those green eyes. Slowly he began to thumb the small of her back, pressing it into her lower spine as he rubbed along the ridges. It was nearly four in the morning and he knew they needed sleep. But he would not rest until everything was worked out between them.
"I'm sorry that I gave you reason to even doubt me like that... But Ally, it's you baby... ," he trailed off, trying to hide his fatigue from her. While he knew within himself that he didn't mean a word of what he said, he had to realize that his girlfriend would not see it in the same way. Especially a girlfriend like Alecto. It wasn't fair to her what he had merely written on a couple of pages of parchment and he couldn't help but feel the weight of guilt begin to settle in.
"Of course... But I should be asking you to forgive me... I'm sorry," he repeated, shaking his head now. "I'm sorry..." he said one more time, hanging his head and looking down between them.
Alecto too was becoming weary and recognized her need to sleep. "Good... and I forgive you...it was nothing, and I should have known. But never mind that," she started as she ran a hand over her eyes. "We need to sleep, baby." She of course noticed his fatigue and realized that she was close to falling asleep suddenly herself. "Come to bed?" she asked, as she backed out of his arms and crawled into the bed. She still managed to hold onto one of his hands, so she tried to drag him with her, making sure he stayed the night. Alecto wasn't about to let him go, not now.
Danny didn't answer her. Instead he held onto her hand and let her drag him to the bed, all the while his half hooded eyes did their best to focus on hers. He only let go when she crawled into the bed so that he could pull off his shirt then his trousers, dropping them lazily onto the floor. With just his shorts and an undershirt left, he finally laid down next to her onto his back. "C'mere baby..." he urged her, arms open and waiting.
Alecto watched him with heavy blinking eyes as he stripped down for bed. Without even hesitating, she snuggled into his arms, and laid her head on his shoulder. Sleep was quickly closing in on her, especially now that she found herself in Danny's arms. The whole evening, from the very beginning: the journal pages, the call for help from Bellatrix, the late night healing, and finally, the overly emotional fight left her exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Her eyes were closing and in her haze she managed to mumble, "goodnight," before falling into a deep sleep.
Danny slipped both arms around her, holding her tightly to him with the blanket covering them from just the waist down. It felt good to have her in his arms, where he knew he could protect her and take care of her. He was well aware she could hold her own, but he still wanted and needed to keep her safe. His eyes threatened to close, but he refused to let himself sleep until she had sub come to it first. Both his mind and his body were just as spent as hers, begging for him to give in. Then just as she mumbled to himgoodnight, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and let himself drift off to sleep as well.