finlay mccracken. (yinned) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2013-01-30 18:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, damien harrington, finlay mccracken |
Who: Damien Harrington and Finlay McCracken
What: LOTS OF FEELS after Fin bites off the new girl's head
When: Backdated to 28 January
Where: 2E
Status: Complete
Warning: Swears. Because it's Damien and Fin.
Fin didn’t want Damien to come and find her, actually she thought she might punch him if she saw his face. She knew that he wanted to be her friend, but she wanted to be alone. She was angry and had been crying and was generally not good for company. She thought that things were better - but they weren’t. She’d gotten the email from Marine’s father that she had barely been able to process before the new girl posted - the new girl who had Myra’s powers.
Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten so angry, but she couldn’t help it. She was angry.
“Fuck,” she said when she heard the pounding on the door. “FUCK OFF DAMIEN.”
It was easier to focus on someone else's problems. Damien had his own problems, his own trauma to deal with and work through. But he would consistently push his own issues aside to speak to his friends, ensure that they were okay. Fin’s reaction to the new girl, coupled with the unexpected email from Marine’s father, had shown to him that she was anything but okay.
Which was why he was hammering on Fin's door, not caring how much of a spectacle that he was making of himself.
Damien pounded his fists on the door again, ignoring her shout. “Fin, I'm not listening to that shit,” he told her. “Let me in already!”
“Jesus Christ, back the fuck off,” Fin shouted through the door. Clearly neither of them were doing a good job of keeping this quiet, since pretty soon she expected most of the girls on the second floor to come out and see what the fuck was going on. She didn’t need him right now though, she needed alone. And alone was not him being here.
Damien knocked again, fists heavy against the door. He stopped, and took a step back from the closed door. "Then I'll stand out here until you stop talking shit," he shouted at the door. "You can't just sit and hide out alone and angry and bite my head off every time I try to talk some fucking sense!" Damien protested loudly.
Want to bet Fin thought to herself. This was completely mental, she opened the door just a crack and talked through it trying her best to put her body in the way so that he wouldn’t be able to open it (even though if she had been thinking clearly, all it would take was a big push, he was much bigger than she was). “Jesus Christ, go away.”
Damien wasn't about to force the door open, but he pressed a hand against it to keep it open that little bit. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked her, only a little annoyed as concern took over. "You can't just hide in here, and you can't act like that poor kid was built in a lab with the purpose of fucking with us. I get it, okay, but freaking out isn't good."
He leaned against the doorframe. "I worry about you, okay? Just let someone, for a change."
“The IVF is just shady, okay,” Fin said, even though she knew it was a poor excuse but the girl seemed to not be taking it too personally. Not that she cared right? Still, she stepped to the side so that Damien could literally come in. It wasn’t much, but for someone who valued her privacy, it was a big step. She waited for him to come in before closing the door behind her.
She had a handful of items out on her bed, the room otherwise completely bare except for the IVI issue items. There was a picture of her brother and the change purse that Marine had bought her for Christmas.
Damien had only seen Fin's room the once, when he'd helped Myra carry her drunk friend back to the room. He hadn't bothered to take it in then, probably assuming that half of Myra's things were Fin's. But now one side of the room was bare, and the other had next to nothing. He looked around, curious and unable to hide it, but he tried to not be so distracted.
"It's all fucked," he told her. "I know that much."
“You can’t blame me for being angry,” Fin said defensively. She didn’t know where the rest of this argument was headed and she wrapped her arms around herself protectively, out of habit. She didn’t know what else to say, he knew that she was angry and upset, she’d done a really poor job of hiding it. But it was the angriest she’d been in a long time, since arriving at IVI anyway.
Damien stared at the picture on display. It was the only one, a stark contrast to the smiling faces of his family that were up on a small board in his own room. It was even more of a contrast to Savannah’s, where her walls were decorated with the bright colours of art and jazz posters and even some photos. It wasn’t the time to question it, however, and Damien shook his head. He stood, not bothering to sit down or make himself comfortable.
“I can’t, but I can fucking blame you for going mad like that,” he retorted sharply. “Come on, you don’t honestly believe that they did this to fuck with us? Do you?” Damien snapped at her again, arms folded as he stared down at her. “Today was fucking awful and you didn’t need to do that. And you could perhaps not act like I’m trying to wrestle you into a fucking death grip every time I try be your friend. I’ll go if you fucking want me to, but you’re not making anything better for yourself,” he insisted.
There were a thousand reasons that he should run and stop trying to be her friend and each one of them sounded selfish when she tried to put it into words - she wanted his friendship, but with the exception of Myra, Fin had always found it difficult to really befriend people. Sure she had friends in Glasgow, but really they weren’t. They were people she knew. People she tolerated. She rubbed her forehead as the seconds of silence where she tried to say something that didn’t make her sound like a complete dick ticked by.
“I don’t mean to be an asshole,” Fin explained, finally coming up with something that was the truth. “I just am. I’m not used to people who don’t have to be invovled in my shit getting involved in my shit and I’m not -” she took a deep breath. “Myra was the exception. And I’m not trying to be an asshole, I’m just an asshole.”
At that, an explanation that was quite unexpected, Damien hesitated. He wanted to laugh, tell her that she was stupid, but he wasn’t much in the mood for laughing. Instead he shrugged slowly, watching her as he tried to determine the best way to respond. “You may be an asshole,” he started, “But so’s everyone else. Haven’t you seen them?”
Damien finally sat down, uninvited, on the small desk chair. “I mean, all these people here are total assholes. I’m an asshole, it’s alright?” the latter half of his sentence turned into something more like a question for a moment. “But even if you’re an asshole, it doesn’t matter because you need to be okay.” He paused, the shadow of something crossing his face. It could have been doubt, or just a moment where he wasn’t sure of what to say. “I need you guys to be okay, or get there. Some day.”
Fin bit her lip and watched Damien. He was right, everyone here was a fucking asshole, but Fin thought they were assholes in a different way, but now was not the time to argue semantics. She hung onto his last words and paused before replying. There was much more than he wasn’t saying and Fin didn’t know how to respond. If she should make a joke of it or be serious - she wasn’t good at this.
“I know you’ve gone through shit and,” she paused. “It’ll get better - maybe something else will happen but it’ll get better.” I’ll be okay I promise was on her lips but she didn’t know if she could promise that to Damien. What if it didn’t follow through?
The frown on his face was heavier than usual, and Damien pressed a thumb against the corner of his jaw for a moment. He had no words of comfort to offer, only the reality that he was in a similar miserable situation. Despite all of his trying, he still felt lost. He looked about the room, searching for something else to talk about. He was tired of fighting.
“Fin?” he asked her, a little quieter as he took in his surroundings. “What’s up with this room?” he couldn’t quite identify what felt so different about it. It was sparsely decorated, but that couldn’t be what was strange. Or was it? Damien looked over at her for an answer.
“Everything I own is in this room,” Fin said with a shrug. “I moved Myra’s shit out straight away.” It was bare - but she didn’t really mind it. But she realized that it must be strange, she had been in other rooms where there was loads of stuff, but really all she had was the few items that she kept with her, her lighter, Marine’s gift, a few other things, and her clothes. Besides the IVI issued laptop and the IVI issued cell phone - the prepaid phone she had brought with her was somewhere. She wasn’t sure if that answered his question or not.
Damien stared at the one picture, before looking back across at Fin. “How so?” he asked her, unsure of what she meant. But then, what did he really know about Fin’s life before IVI? He knew what had been in that documentary, but nothing more. With a moment of guilt, he realised that he’d never even asked.
“What do you mean how so?” Fin asked. She frowned a little and wasn’t sure what he meant - she thought she was pretty obvious with her response. Everything she owned was in the room .
Still uncertain, Damien frowned over at her. “Fin?” he asked her, the quietest he’d been since entering her room. “What’s up with that? Don’t you have things?” He’d tiptoed around the question for as long as he could, now staring at the picture again. “That sounds dumb but-” he paused, trying to find the best way to phrase his question, “It’s kinda empty. In here.”
“Well I had part of a flat, there were like four of us, but I had to give up my share when they sent us here and so some other girl took over my bit, but I think they’ve been evicted or arrested, because no one was there when I went back. Probably arrested actually but the new people living in it didn’t look any better off,” Fin explained. “And so I brought my stuff with me here.” She gave him a look. “I had to bring my stuff with me I couldn’t just leave it.”
Damien shrugged. “Friends? Not family?” he asked, trying to pry without being too invasive in his line of questioning. He had been thoroughly distracted from the argument and the original point, instead finding himself curious about Fin and how much he didn’t know about her.
“No,” Fin said. “I don’t really talk to them ‘cept on my birthday and holidays.” She wondered what he was getting at. “But I moved out as soon as they would let me.” They was not her family they was the government.
A slow nod, and Damien finally dragged his eyes away from the picture. He watched Fin closely for a moment. “You gonna be alright?” he asked her, wary of the question even before he said it. He sat, eyes on her, and one hand reached to scratch his forearm gently before he folded his arms again. “Fin? I’m not going until I know you’re calmed down.”
“Do you think maybe you could stay for a bit longer?” Fin asked. It was the only way she knew how to ask and to tell him that she wasn’t alright yet, that she wanted someone to be there beside her. It wasn’t much but she was trying.
Damien nodded, and even tried to give her a weak attempt at a smile. “Want to watch a movie or something?” he suggested, unable to come up with too many other ideas. A distraction seemed good, and he was happy to stay around for a little while longer despite the weirdness of the mostly-empty room.
“Yeah, let me get my laptop, Daisy downloaded loads of stuff onto it for me so I didn’t get angry about the library any more,” Fin said. She moved to get her laptop and show Damien the movies she had one it.