finlay mccracken. (yinned) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2013-01-07 19:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, finlay mccracken, understanding jones |
WHO: Finlay McCracken [SCOTLAND] and Understanding Jones [USA]
WHAT: Understanding feeds Fin.
WHEN: Monday, 7 January 2012
WHERE: Room 2E
WARNINGS: none
STATUS: Complete
If there was one thing that Patty Lefevre (once Patty Jones) had taught her son (and she taught him many), it was that food and funerals went hand in hand. Understanding never got it until his grandfather died in middle school, only then seeing how food was the last thing anyone in the family wanted to think about. It made more sense in college when he began to see food differently, as political and community-building and and expression of love. It was all he could offer to Fin. He hadn't seen her at dinner so he texted her, glad for an excuse to come see her. He couldn't make her feel better, but if he could bring her food it was at least something. "Fin, it's me," he said, kicking the door slightly in lieu of knocking -- his hands were holding the tray of food. Fin was mostly ignoring her phone and the network. She had rearranged her room so that there wasn’t a trace that Myra had been there – there was no trace of the Irish girl who had quickly become Fin’s best friend and confidant. And now she was gone. There were too many emotions jumbled in her body – hate for the people who had killed Mal, Marine, Myra, and the others – and sorrow and Fin just didn’t know how she was supposed to be back at IVI and pretend that everything was okay. Because nothing was okay and nothing would be okay again for a while. But Understanding had texted her. She had wanted to ignore it and pretend she hadn’t seen it but her stomach had started to rumble and she realized that she didn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. When she heard the kick at the door, she opened it. “Hi,” she said, opening the door. His first thought was that Fin looked awful. Her eyes looked sunken in, her skin and hair greasy from not showering and probably from crying too much and she smelled a little of B.O. (though Understanding didn't mind that part - he actually liked the natural human scent). His second thought was also that Fin looked awful, though it was quickly followed by him wondering if she would let him hold her in his arms. It was hard to tell -- they were friends, but not the best friends as of yet. "Hey," he said to her, coming into the room and setting the tray down on the desk. It looked different, much different from the set up with double-bed setup he once assumed to mean that Fin and Myra had been lovers. He didn't say anything about it, though, instead turning back to the girl now that his arms were free so he could pull her into a quick hug. Fin let Understanding hug her – she was not a hugger in general, she avoided it when she can, but she awkwardly patted Understanding on the back as he hugged her. “Thanks for bringing food up,” she said, her voice a little hoarse from the crying. She hated how weak and pathetic she felt but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t like letting her emotions get the best of her, but her closest friends at IVI were now dead and Fin was not emotionally able to handle that as much as she wanted to brush it off as not being a big deal. “I’m starving.” His heart lurched at the way her voice sounded, how hollow it was and empty of the life it once had. She felt so small in his arms; he knew she had always been small but now she just felt fragile. Letting go he kept one hand on her back, leading her to the food he'd brought. Salad, potatoes, macaroni and cheese. No meat — he couldn't bring himself to do that, but it wasn't vegan either. Comfort food, or at least what he expected was comfort food. His own was seitan or natural peanut butter or nutritional yeast on popcorn. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I tried to bring a few different things." “Thanks,” Fin said, pressing her lips together. She wasn’t sure what the orange noodle thing was but she wasn’t picky - she would eat nearly anything and she sat down in front of the tray and pulled her knees up to her chest. It was a defensive position that she normally took when someone else was in the room with her. “This was really great of you.” She took a bite of the orange noodles, they were good and she was starving, the only thing that was slowing her down from the food was the shaking of her hands. It was only this combination of factors, the death of her friends, shaky hands, and a visit from someone who cared that would create the sudden sobbing that exploded from her throat when she dropped her fork onto the floor. “Fucking hell,” she spat angrily. To top it off, as she leaned down she banged her head. “Shit,” she said, starting to cry even harder. She tried to calm herself down and automatically put her hands over her face - as an unconscious effort to keep Understanding from seeing her like this. "Shhhh," he said, at her side immediately. If he were completely honest with himself (and he would never admit it), Understanding almost liked when others were going through rough times because it gave him the opportunity to feel like he was making a difference. Almost. The thought made him feel guilty as well, but he couldn't deny there was something about him that wanted to bring comfort and peace to others when they had need. He was a Comfort Captain, after all. He picked up the fork and wiped it on a napkin then put his hand to her forehead, pulling her toward him so he could hold her in his arms, her head on his chest as he whispered hushing noises into her ear. "Shhh, you're fine, you're fine," he repeated, over and over. "Shhh." After a minute his eyes flicked down to the food and he pushed her gently off of him again, slowly trying to push her hands away from her face so he could look into her eyes. "Come on," he coaxed, "it's time to eat." Pushing the fork into a pile of macaroni and cheese, he held it up to her. "You just sit back against the wall and let me do the rest." Fin felt completely useless and ridiculous - she should be able to be an adult right now and do things like feed herself but she couldn’t. Her grief was too much even if she didn’t want and would do anything to make it go away, she was just a weak, weeping mess. This wasn’t like her and she didn’t like it but there was nothing that she could do to stop it. So she did what Understanding said and leaned back feeling completely and utterly pathetic. She nodded her head and let him feed her. She really hoped that he didn’t offer to help her shower too because that would be a new low. |