finlay mccracken. (yinned) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2013-01-04 19:24:00 |
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Blank.
If Fin could just keep her face void of any and all emotion this would be okay. She had been told the news about Myra and blankly stared at the IVF official – barely holding back the emotions that were on the surface. The only thing keeping her emotions inside her was her skin – a cut would unleash them and Fin needed to keep them inside, keep them deep down.
If she could just keep her face blank – then everything would be okay. Then the fresh raw pain of losing not one but three friends would go away – she could forget about it. This could be a movie – it didn’t have to be real, she would just have to control herself.
She had tried her hardest to keep people at a distance when she arrived at IVI – she’d always had friends, but not one that she had let in. If there was a God, which Fin very much doubted, there was a reason that Myra and Fin had been placed together in their room, they were too much alike, they wanted the same things, and they both would claw their way out of a gutter if that is what it took to survive.
The first conversation she’d had with Myra was about their powers – she’d tried to show her what she could do and then nothing happened. Myra had confided her secret and since then they had been thick as thieves, sharing their secrets in the dark where no one could hear, they’d emptied their souls to one another. Two misfits, they were a pair and Fin felt safer with Myra at her side. She had been a constant companion.
Then there had been Mal and finally Marine. Marine had always been at the edges – but after the incident with George Cooper and Marine had been let in on their secret and shared their room, Fin felt a kinship with the other girl. Fin cared about her and that was more than she could say about 75% of IVI.
She closed her eyes and remembered the last time she talked to each of them. She’d had drinks with Mal just before Christmas at a pub they both knew. Neither of them had brought up IVI or the IVF – it was if they were two normal young adults out in the world. But the topic was just under the surface, they had both known that it was only a matter of time before they would go back. Fin’s bracelet had been a nasty reminder of it.
Marine had invited her to Tokyo and she’d deeply considered it. The last time she’d seen Marine it was to thank her for her Christmas present – a gift that she’d left tucked away at IVI for fear that one of her ‘friends’ at home would steal it. It had come with a thoughtful note and Fin wasn’t sure how she was supposed to respond except to say ‘thank you’ to Marine in person.
And Myra – they were – no she couldn’t think about Myra. She had already thought about her too much.
As much as she tried to push the thoughts out of her the fiercer they came back, clawing and climbing for her attention and as much as she tried to keep the hurt inside – this time the pain was too much and she couldn’t.
The pain and anger she felt were too much and overtook her, she barely made it into where she was sleeping before she broke down into sobs, hiding her face with her arms so that at least she could keep people out that way.