Caleb Tate, channeler extraordinaire (synergistic) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2012-12-29 18:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, ! plot: kidnapping, caleb tate, nathan mitchell |
WHO: Caleb Tate and Nathan Mitchell
WHAT: Talking over food while waiting to be transferred to Europe
WHEN: December 29
WHERE: A/O safehouse
WARNINGS: none
STATUS: complete!
Even though the rescue had ended with no IVI deaths, Caleb was still shaken up. Being there, in the middle of an actual firefight, wasn’t really what he had expected it to be, and even though thanks to Ashton he’d been invulnerable at the time, there was still the fear and adrenaline that he hadn’t quite counted on. So when afterwards they’d told students that they could go back to IVI if they wanted, he’d considered it. Or maybe he could go to Europe, but just do administrative things - that’d be safer, and he’d still be helping, so it was a reasonable option. But when it came down to it, he couldn’t, really. There were too many people at stake, and so long as there were people he could channel, doing anything other than actually being in the field wasn’t doing enough. So he’d volunteered, though he was glad for the break while Allegra and Vi helped with interrogations. Of course, that meant he hadn’t seen Allegra at all - their schedules were completely out of synch, and he hadn’t seen her at all since the rescue, really. He had a faint memory of her crawling into bed the night before, but she’d been gone by the time he actually woke up in the morning, so he wasn’t sure if that was a real memory or not. And now he scanned the mess hall he didn’t see any sign of her either, which he’d more or less suspected. He did see Nathan, though, and veered to join him at his mostly empty table, glad for a friendly face among the military and IVF people there. “Hey,” he said, sliding in across from him and giving the other boy a tight smile. “Haven’t seen you much - how goes?” ==== “Hey.” Nathan hadn’t talked to nearly as many people as he’d liked over the last few days. He was still afraid of accidental activation of his power, and although sitting two tables away from someone would make no difference if it actually happened, he’d unconsciously kept people at a distance over the last few days. Having Caleb approaching him made him a little tense – about as tense as his friend seemed – but it was nice too. He really wasn’t too good at pulling away from other people, and talking to someone for more than a minute at a time would be nice. “I’ve been buried in computer stuff. I’m not amazing at it or anything, but I help as much as I can.” He knew that Caleb had been in the actual rescue, something that he couldn’t do himself, which made him feel a lot of different things, most which he couldn’t actually vocalise. Or didn’t want to. “It’s weird, being here with people you know and hardly seeing them. Spending all this time with...” he waved vaguely with his hand, indicating the staff and military that seemed to be everywhere, “these people. But I guess they have some sort of plan. Best leave them to it, really.” ==== “Yeah,” Caleb agreed. Aside from meal times it felt like he’d really only seen people involved in rescue ops since getting here, and it was weird knowing everyone was around, but not really around. “What kind of computer stuff are they having you do,” he asked, wondering again if he should try something less intense once he moved to Europe. He wasn’t great with computers, but he was pretty decent - maybe he could be helpful there? And not be putting his life at risk, he thought, remembering the sound of the guns going off around him. ==== “I think the people who are great at computers and things do more advanced stuff, but I’m mostly tracking emails and typing things and feeling like I’m a bit... useless, really.” He would’ve done better getting coffee or something, maybe, but there seemed to be a few people doing that already so he kept doing what he could. It didn’t feel like his place to start asking questions about how he was really feeling, but Caleb looked a little too tightly wound for it to be entirely healthy, so Nathan pushed all that aside for a moment, hoping he wasn’t overstepping. “How are you doing? After all the training and... yesterday and... all that? ==== “Fine,” Caleb said shortly in answer to Nathan’s question, and then immediately looked apologetic. “A little wound up, but I’m okay, really. I mean, it was just a little bit that I was actually there - it’s not like I was one of the kidnapped kids or anything. They’re the ones that really have something to stress about, and even so, a handful of them are going to America to Europe to keep helping. So really, I don’t have much to complain about.” ==== Nathan raised his eyebrows at the short answer. It wasn’t like Caleb at all, but they were all stressed and overworked so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. “Okay,” he said. “And yeah, I heard about that. I can’t believe that IVI are letting them. Sure, it can be helpful, but it could get a little too much.” He felt exhausted, most of the time, even though he did little more than sitting at a computer. He couldn’t even imagine how it felt to be out there, facing kidnappers, or stuck in a cell or wherever the others had been kept. It was just outside anything he could imagine, however much he tried. ==== “Yeah. I don’t know how some of them are doing it, to be honest,” Caleb admitted. “Maybe it’s because they know what it’s like, and want to help other people get out? I mean, I could understand that. And I suppose keeping busy could keep them from thinking about it too much.” If only the same were true for him. “I can’t imagine what it was like for them,” he said quietly, noticing one across the room. “I’m glad we were able to get them all out. That we weren’t too late.” Like they were for Providence was what he thought, but didn’t say. Their only casualty so far - hopefully their only one at all. ==== “I guess so, yeah.” The only thing he’d want to do, should he survive something like that (although the problem wouldn’t be him surviving, it would be the others doing the same; living through being locked up in a cell with him when he snapped, having nowhere to go and no way to protect themselves from the monster) would be to go home. See his family. But they wouldn’t be allowed to do that either. It was this or nothing. “That kind of makes sense.” As much as anything made sense in his life anymore. “Yeah, me too. Still have more work to do, though.” Nathan thought about his teammates. Still two of them out there. The rest in America. Spread out across the world. Yes, if he doing his computer thing meant they’d come home faster he’d go to Europe to do it. He wasn’t sure, sometimes, how much he was helping, but he couldn’t do more than that. Not without risking the lives of everyone around him. It was ironic, having such a dangerous power and being unable to use it. Or maybe it wasn’t ironic at all, and just sad. Hard to tell, sometimes. “I wish I could help more,” he said suddenly. “Do more. If I could somehow...” he shrugged. “Use my power, I guess. Instead of the other way around.” ==== “Do you have any sort of control over it?” Caleb asked, both curious and careful, knowing that Nathan didn’t often talk about his power. But when it came to other people’s powers, Caleb was often curious, usually because he wanted to channel as many people as he could. Well, not everyone, to be honest. Poison kiss was one he had no interest in, for example. But most of them. “Or, have you gained any since you’ve started training?” He wondered what that would feel like, to be in the situation Nathan was in, which was basically the opposite of his. Nathan wanted to help, but couldn’t. Caleb wasn’t sure how much he wanted to, but felt obligated. “I doubt anyone thinks poorly of you or anything for not. I mean, everyone gets that some powers have limitations, and you’re being helpful with what you’re doing.” ==== Nathan shrugged. “It has gotten easier to keep it from happening,” he said. “I can take more pain without triggering it. But once it happens... I’m screwed.” Part of it was probably that he was too afraid of his power to actually, on purpose, make it happen. He hated that loss of himself, of having no idea what he’d done, how he’d done it. And how did you even practice control while feral? It was impossible. He’d been told there was a room for him, a place he couldn’t break free from, but he was afraid to believe it. He didn’t want to accidentally crash through the door and go on to injure (or worse) his own team. “It’s hard to practice control of something that takes everything from you. I don’t remember what I’ve done afterwards, I have no limits or whatsoever. Nothing I wouldn’t do. I could kill you, for example, and not even care. Until I woke up and someone told me what I’d done, anyway.” That was more than he’d told anyone before. Usually he stuck to letting people know that he could do awful shit. It was enough. He felt like he had to defend himself a bit, though. Like he needed Caleb to understand why he couldn’t take the risk. “Yeah.” Another uneasy shrug. “I just wish I could do more. Make more of a difference. But I’m glad we have you. Your power is probably the most useful we have.” ==== “Well, that’s what the sedatives are for, right?” Caleb said, trying to be reassuring. “And it sounds like you are getting some control, if it’s happening less often. So hopefully there’ll come a point where it only happens if you want to.” He wasn’t entirely sure a situation in which Nathan would want to, especially if he had no control over it when he was in that state. But he supposed it was possible. “No way,” he said, shaking his head. “The power trackers and people trackers are way more useful. I can only do what other people do, and without a lot of practice, I can’t even do it as well as them. Like, it’s useful, sure. But I wouldn’t be anything without other people’s powers. I need you guys to be useful, you know?” ==== “Yeah. It is.” Nathan was uncomfortable, knowing he’d shared too much. “And I guess it’s a start.” It’s just not enough. He could understand Caleb’s reservations, sort of, but not quite. Being able to channel someone seemed amazing, like being able to do a hundred things, whatever was needed at the moment. Sure, there were limitations, but when needed he could do a lot of different things. It had to be a good thing. “Good things some of us are. And yeah, we need the trackers. But we need everyone else too.” ==== "Like the people manning the computers," Caleb pointed out again. "They wouldn't put you on that job if it wasn't important - they'd put you on coffee duty or have you making beds, or doing something like that. The IVF doesn't strike me as a group that gives people pointless jobs just to make them feel better, you know? It's the military. They're more efficient than that." ==== Nathan felt ridiculous. People were dying and he was going on about not being useful enough? It really wasn’t the biggest problem they had. In fact, it barely even counted as one. “Yeah,” he said. “I know. Hard not to be frustrated, though.” ==== “Definitely frustrating,” Caleb agreed, trying to put himself in Nathan’s shoes. Everything about this was frustrating. The waiting, the lack of control, the anxiety and tension in the air. It was frustrating for everyone, he had to remember, just not himself. But hopefully, all the frustrations would lead to something good. They’d already been successful for one group, after all. They just had to be for the other two, as well. |