A SERIES OF EMAILS SENT FRIDAY DURING INTERNET HOURS. TO: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> FROM: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> SUBJECT:happy birthday.
happy birthday, loser. is it the 17th there? i can't do math, timezones are soo confusing.
i'm like, so sure you're not even gonna respond to this, just like you haven't RESPONDED to any of our calls this past week. like what, like just because you're a vol or whatever doesn't mean you're allowed to think you're too cool for us. because um, you're totally not?
like, seriously, mom's been crying because she thinks you're like dead in an australian ditch somewhere. at least send us a freaking email, will you?
xoxo joanie
TO: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> FROM: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
hey joanie,
i'm really sorry. you're right, i've been a total dick. i ran out of minutes last week but i should've emailed - stuff's just been tough with this george cooper bullshit. tell mom i'm fine, will you? i did have to get stitches (don't tell her THAT though, she'll freak) but it's cool, because they're on my arm and make me look even more baller than i already was.
thanks for the bday wish. wish i was home, though. how's school?
TO: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> FROM: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
whatever, mikey. i'm still soo pissed off with you. like what the heck even happened over there?? with that george cooper guy?? he sounded SO insane, like the newspapers gave barely any details and you weren't responding to our calls and like, we were so worried. can you stop being such a boy and just tell me what happened? stitches aren't like, no big deal. they're a HUGE deal.
what's dad even going to say when he sees them? which btw he's been calling the house a lot lately because he hasn't heard from you, and it's your bday so like duh, he wants to say hi.
xox joanie
TO: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> FROM: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
dad's been phoning? what the fuck heck did you tell him? you know he can't find out, jo. he'd never get it.
and i'll call mom later today, god. how are you, though? you okay? don't tell me you're still dating that dickhead roger.
TO: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> FROM: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
i KNOW that, mikey. like, duh. we've just told him that like, you're probably wasted in a bar somewhere which i mean is so what you'd be doing if you were ACTUALLY studying abroad. so he like, bought it, obviously.
i'm totally fine except for like, the fact that i've been like stress eating because my BROTHER was cooped up with a SERIAL KILLER and hasn't CALLED. and no i'm def not dating him anymore, he totally hooked up with lisa (do you remember her?? the really skinny one with the totally limp brown hair? ugh) at dustin's halloween party. i mean, like how dumb can you be, right?
xoxo joanie
TO: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> FROM: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
i SAID i would call, shut up about it now. you're so fucking damn annoying sometimes, jo, seriously.
roger did what? i'm going to kill him. seriously, come christmas, that little bitch is so dead. i TOLD you he was a dick, didn't i? you never listen. don't date any of those assholes at your high school. they're all way too lame.
btw, did i tell you i have a girlfriend? before you ask, yeah she's blonde, but no, she's not in a sorority or some shit. there's only two girls that went greek here, and one of them's lottie, so.
she's welsh, and i think you'd really dig her.
TO: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> FROM: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
OMG YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE?! like how is that not like the first thing you like told me?? is she that girl from your team? what's her name? is she pretty? of COURSE she's blonde, it's like you don't even SEE girls that aren't, you're just soo weird.
i want to meet her!! bring her home at christmas. :) and like, you're not going to kill roger, because like, that'd just destroy my rep at school, duh.
ughh speaking of, mom's freaking at me for not doing my algebra hw, so like i'll email you back later. love you, mikey! have an awesome bday :)
TO: Joanie Fitzgerald <joaniejet@gmail.com> FROM: Mike Fitzgerald <mfitzgerald@ivi.edu.au> SUBJECT: Re: happy birthday.
LOL what can i say, i've got a type. she's pretty, but she's really nice, too. kind of reminds me of sammy but not a a little. i don't think she's getting that chip though, so idk about christmas.
go do your homework, because if you flunk out of high school i'm sure as heck not going to support you. you'll be stuck living with mom for the rest of your life - do you want that?