RP: Memories Characters: Jake, Oy Time/Date: Evening, September 24 Location: his room Warnings/Rating: lack of punctuation. It's a stylistic choice Summary: Jake remembers Status: Complete
Jake hadn't realized just how very filled with blackness his life was until the past couple of days. He knew it had been hard, had been more than anyone his age should have to endure. He knew he'd grown up fast. He knew all this but those thoughts were usually fleeting, singular things broken up by other thoughts.
Yesterday, and today, all he had were those thoughts running in a cycle through his mind.
Pusheddrawndroppedkilledlostkiller
He remembered Roland ... Roland, dropping him for the tower, always for the tower.
He remembered dying/notdying.
He remembered killing.
He remembered losing Father Callahan.
He remembered stalking Mia through her dreams.
He remembered todash.
He remembered Blaine.
He remembered Eddie.
He remembered ... he remembered ... he remembered rat-faced bird-faced people blinking crimson eyes his father letting him fall. He remembered Benny remembered the wolves remembered the Thunderclap the mind trap remembered Tyranasorbet Rex remembered ... he remembered THE TRUTH he remembered the smells of blood, death, dying. He remembered Andy he remembered betrayal he remembered Lud he remembered the bridge he remembered Oy dangling from him, teeth tearing skin as the bumbler spun in the open space he remembered ... he remembered dying, even if he couldn't remember it because Oy remembered it and Oy had showed him crumplechested on the ground bleeding coughing dying his father wasn't there because they were saving the writer saving the fucking writer who didn't deserve to live not after what he'd done even if it wasn't his fault. The story was written, the song was sung and at the end everyone was dead dead at the end everyone he loved ever was dead dead gone. Nineteen and ninety-nine and nineteen ninety-nine.
He remembered the cave he remembered the attack the explosions the fire the bodies the victory that wasn't a victory at all because Eddie was dead and Eddie would never tell him again to watch his ass because it was already cracked because Eddie was dead and Susannah was gone and Jake was dead and Oy would die they both knew that, knew it because Roland drew them to kill them to use them to let them die so he could find his tower his fucking tower and Jaked hated him and loved him at the same time.
He remembered Susannah as she washed Eddie's face remembered the pain tearing through him remembered the hole in Eddie's head the bandage that did nothing that could do nothing and he took so long to die but he told them told him passed on the message that Jake had to give to Oy as he himself lay dying -- Oy had showed him that, too, and how Roland had had to take it right from the bumbler's mind becasue Oy couldn't say it right.
Everything for the tower.
Nothing for him.
Nothing.
Jake's lips were parted and slightly blue with the cold. He was buried under two blankets and Oy was curled against him. Jake was curled up around the bumbler, hearing the frightened whimpers from the creature every now and again, punctuated occasionally by soft, inquisitive Akes that Jake couldn't make himself respond to.
It was all he could do to simply stay where he was and stay alive under the onslaught of the memories.