You’re not a soldier, as far as we’re concerned. Maybe there are soldiers here, but there is no official military. You were going to some school? For trained killers? What does ‘do better’ mean? Kill more people more efficiently? Perhaps you and your mentor wouldn’t agree, but in my opinion bludgeoning a civilian to death with a hammer is not a minor offence, regardless of the circumstances. You said you didn’t feel guilty and you’re rationalising your experiences. I don’t suggest you talk to her with your current attitude state of mind.