Here's the thing about brainwashing and nightmares: they never go away. You need to learn to cope without the crutch of alcohol. All it takes for you to "fall in line" is for you to decide to do it. If you tried. There are more than a few of us who have suffered through brainwashing and mind control. There are people who have triggers in their head they can't control. People who broke free from others control.
Being brainwashed doesn't give you a pass to be a dick. It might explain your behavior, but it sure doesn't excuse it. Most of us will spend the rest of our lives trying to make up for the horrible things we were made to do.