SATURDAY, OCTOBER 21st HOGSMEADE | PG13 for language?
Sirius was not his brother. Their mother had been most insistent on the fact. After he had been disowned, burned off the family tree, and his photographs removed, Regulus had been instructed to forget him like it was just that easy. As if Sirius hadn’t been and no longer was a major foundational cornerstone of his life and his person. Sirius, who had changed over the years, but would always remain the same boy who had once been his best friend, his brother, and his protector. His shield against the world until he was suddenly and abruptly removed from the picture.
It was difficult to shift his world view to exclude him and even more difficult to understand his own emotions about the situation. There was anger and resentment, a festering bitterness that yearned to be released, and yet it was more complicated than that. He hadn’t been lying to Baz when he’d said he used to have someone he could trust, someone who knew him - Sirius was very much that person, but was it still true? Regulus wanted it to be true, wanted to be seen for once for who he was and not who he was meant to be. He missed it and he missed him - Sirius, his brother.
Because as much as their mother said he wasn’t, he was. He always would be and Regulus hated himself just a little bit for it. It made him feel weak and unworthy, the way he still cared desperately for him. He hated himself even more for reaching out instead of lashing out. It was unwise in a series of unwise decisions he’d made of late and yet he still followed through. It was just another thing to think on after the tumultuous weekend and week he’d had. Vulnerable didn’t even begin to cover how he felt and perhaps that was why it was so easy to give into the longing for his brother. After all, of all the people in his life, Sirius remained that one bright safe space he could return to even if he had to do it in secret now.
It was what led him here, to Hogsmeade again, to wait on his brother. They couldn’t meet anywhere normal like the Three Broomsticks for fear someone would see them and tell. His mother’s fury would be unmatched to receive such news. So he waited as he had the weekend before on the outskirts of town, but this time he wasn’t expecting Amycus much as he missed him too. This time he was expecting his brother whom he hadn’t seen in months. He felt sick with nerves as he sat on a bench a short ways from the Hog’s Head. Probably unwise as well given how the rumor mill operated most centrally here. He didn’t plan to remain after Sirius arrived though and hoped it would be fine. He kept his head down, his hood up, and his hand twisted in his lap, trying to be as small and invisible as possible.