Tues. 6 December 2002 • The Wizarding World's Beguiling Broadsheet of Choice • 7 κ
Prominent Muggleborn Joins Minister Race
By Eleanor Bledsoe, G.H.B.I.C.M.
Muggleborn witch Penelope Clearwater made waves this weekend when she announced she is throwing her name into the hat for February’s Minister elections.
Clearwater, a Gryffindor alumni with prominent ties to the Muggle Royal Family, detailed her campaign platform and is by far the most progressive of the Ministry candidates. Clearwater has no Ministry or political experience, and cites her occupation as business owner of Once Told Tales, a used bookstore in Hogsmeade Village.
“My platform is a fairer, more equal society,” declared Clearwater in her official announcement. “A place where the ideals of forward thinkers like Albus Dumbledore are upheld and where no one is targeted because of their parentage, where people can fall in love and get married regardless of their lineage. Blood does not matter; a witch or wizard is the sum of their actions.”
Clearwater also took a decided stance against the Wizards Against Purity terrorist group, something no other candidate has yet done.
“Make no mistake, these people are the Death Eaters in a different guise and are just as disgusting, a pestilence on society which must be tracked down and taken out of the general populace before their vile hatred infects anymore of wizard-kind.”
Several members of the political circuit were quick to write off Clearwater’s candidacy, citing her youth and inexperience.
“She may know how to curtsy to the Queen, but does she know how to run our country? I think not,” said Christine Voxley, who announced her candidacy several weeks ago.
“This is not some tea party. This is the fate of our country. Are we really going to let a bookkeeper make the tough decisions?” Voxley has been leading in recent polls, and her platform of modest blood desegregation has proven to be surprisingly popular with the public.
James Catterwall, another hot contender, was similarly unimpressed. Catterwall, who has spent most of his campaign promising that a second war will never come again to England- through any means necessary, refused to comment on Clearwater’s announcement, stating simply that her statements were “Foolish. Very foolish.”
Preliminary party elections will be held in January to determine the two main candidates, followed by final elections in February. The winner of this election will hold the title of Minister of Magic for the next four years.
Restaurant Refuses Purebloods
La Rue, a popular French restaurant located in the heart of Diagon Alley, recently posted a controversial sign this weekend barring entry of pureblooded witches and wizards.
Despite outcry by several pureblood citizens, the sign has stayed up, and La Rue still seems to be doing a fair amount of business.
Christin LeBec, the restaurant’s owner, said he made the decision not to serve purebloods following the recent and highly publicized W.A.P. attack against socialite Pansy Parkinson.
“These purebloods, they come into my restaurant, they sit and drink wine all night, they tip comme ci, comme ça. I do not want to be responsible if one of them gets attacked because they are drunk and going out alone. I do not want them to say it was La Rue. I do not want to be associating with that. I want this to be a safe place.”
Other patrons of La Rue seemed to have no problem with the new rules.
“Maybe purebloods need their own restaurants, their own places with higher security, just for as long as this W.A.P. thing lasts. I personally like being able to eat in peace, and to not have to worry about it,” said Marlene Quark, a muggleborn, and mother of three.
Only time will tell whether the new policy will have any significant impact on La Rue’s business figures.
Pansy Parkinson, when asked for comment, stated only, “Please. As if I would ever eat there in the first place.”
Index
Page Six
It's never a dull week, darlings!
Ginny Weasley (or should we call her the next Lavender Brown?) is apparently looking to take her good-girl gone bad status to the next level. Slagging around seems to run in the family, so of course that's the route she chose. After a night of heavy petting flirting and drinking, Weasley was spotted heading to an upstairs room at the Leaky Cauldron, hand in hand with none other that Quidditch has-been Oliver Wood. The two left separately the next morning, but Weasley's mussed hair and wrinked outfit said it all. Pity she can't find someone more interesting to shag, but apparently all the current Quidditch players know better.
Last week we talked about Daphne Greengrass-Warrington's weight- and don't be alarmed, it hasn't gone down this week. You're still quite allowed to call her a lard face. Just add another name to your insult list. Mandy Brocklehurst has also joined the eating-your-feelings club. While her relationship with Roger Davies is uncertain at best- she's still sporting that ring, but he's enjoying a world tour without her- one thing is absolutely certain; she's no longer the skinny little criminal we once knew. Sources close to the witch have reported she's jumped two jean sizes. With the men these two are trying to hold, it's shocking how quickly these ladies let themselves go.
Entirely unconfirmed (but avid readers will know, entirely true) rumors are swirling that Bill Weasley is faking his "head injury" in order to woo back ex-wife Fleur Delacour. Delacour was seen rushing to Weasley's bedside- while current wife Lavender Brown made not one brief appearance. Sources from within St. Mungo's say Weasley remembers the last six months of his life perfectly fine- but that waking up next to Brown finally got to him, and he's doing his best to forget.
While Marcus Flint and Astoria Greengrass have fervently denied rumors of a budding romance, Greengrass was spotted moving several things into Flint's flat- while Flint's gorgeous nanny conspicuously moved several things out. It appears these two are now playing house, with Greengrass watching Flint's niece and current ward while Flint does his business in Falmouth. It's all adorable enough now, but sources close to the pair say that after being second-in-line her entire life, the littlest Greengrass is itching for a baby of her own and desperately wants to get pregnant before her sister does.
Tracey Davis, better known for being a pureblood, then not being a pureblood, and now whinging all the time because she isn't a pureblood, is reportedly exceedingly jealous over the amount of attention Pansy Parkinson has received recently following her W.A.P. scare. Davis was overheard telling friends (she does have one or two, it seems) that Parkinson had it coming, and deserved far worse. The sudden cattiness is not just jealousy over Parkinson's blood, but also jealousy over the amount of attention she's received from Blaise Zabini in particular. While Zabini denies ever having a relationship with Davis, she's been stalking him for months, and his interest in Parkinson has set Davis over the edge. Careful, Pansy.
Penelope Clearwater and Katie Bell, both recently jilted by Marcus Flint, have turned to each other to comfort their loneliness- in the lesbian way. It's no surprise with Bell, who has been a huge lesbian for possibly all of her life and only dated Flint to keep up appearances. But Clearwater is a bit more surprising, given that she looks less like a raging lesbian than Katie Bell does. Clearwater is reportedly trying to keep the whole affair hushed up in light of her political campaign, but the two are falling fast in love. Hot, steamy girl love.
That’s all for this week, but see you soon, loves!