Lavender Weasley (hajalla_kukka) wrote in impetuousrpg, @ 2011-07-13 19:28:00 |
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Entry tags: | char: lavender brown, char: penelope clearwater, owl post |
Penelope,
I don't know how to start this off without immediately making myself sound like a bad person. I would like to believe that I'm not a bad person. Yes, I have done some things, more recently then not, that haven't exactly been good things, but I am trying to move past that. I am trying to better myself, and it's hard. It's really really hard when there are people out there who are so set in believing that I'm a bad person, a whore, slag, whatever the word is this week.
To set the record straight. I have slept with five people my entire life. Five. Not hundreds. And until recently, none of them have overlapped. And this one time, is the worst mistake I have ever made and I wish for nothing more then to take it back. But I can't. And I've apologized to Roger many times. And now, for some reason, I guess because you are his friend, I feel like I need to apologize to you too.
I love Roger. I love him more than I ever knew possible. And it's for that reason that I can't let him stay around. I haven't been with anyone besides him since that one time with Marcus. Two months ago. I messed up once. And I really don't want to be with anyone else. But that one time, that was all it took to make sure that me and Roger couldn't be together again. I'm having a baby. Someone elses baby. I'm living with it's father. And I know, I know that hurts Roger, he told me. He wrote to me and asked me to come back to him. But I can't. Someone else has to understand that. As much as I want to, as much as it hurts not to be with him, I can't be. I have to do what is right by my baby and Marcus wants to be in it's life. And it's not fair to keep Roger around while I'm living with Marcus and having his baby.
So I'm pushing him away. It hurts and I don't want to. But it's for the best, right? It has to be, because otherwise, I'm just hurting us both. And he has the chance to move on now, to not be with some slag like me. And I need someone else to know that I'm not trying to hurt him. Please understand, please? I love him and I'm trying to do what's best for everyone.
Lavender Brown.