Celes (chere) wrote in imperially, @ 2014-05-20 03:39:00 |
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It was only two days that had passed since she had last spoken with Edgar, but it may as well have been an eternity to Celes. How she was able to conduct the usual training exercises that day as though nothing were unusual, as though she weren't going to sit down with one of the other Generals the following day and discuss rebellion and hearsay, she wasn't sure how. Maybe because she'd done it so many times before, she didn't have to think about it-- at that time, she didn't want to think. Didn't want to think about what might happen to Edgar, if he was caught. Didn't want to think about what might happen to the Empire, if he wasn't.
Celes had seen her first public execution when she was scarcely six years old, a demonstration made in the main square of Vector by Gestahl. This is what happens to traitors, to dissenters. She had been standing close to the Emperor at that time, who had put his hand gently upon her shoulder when she'd flinched as she witnessed her first death. Don't look away, he had told her, these people are being punished for their crimes against us. 'Us', not 'I'-- he'd made sure to separate her away from the mindset of the people early on. If it were up to men like these, it would be you in their place. When the next prisoner was called up, she didn't flinch that time. Not because it disgusted her any less, but because she was afraid. Afraid if she showed any pity for them, she really would end up there, like them, and it would be because Gestahl thought she was like them-- people who she couldn't rely upon, either, to help her if that came to pass. She was only a child then; later, she assured herself Gestahl would of course never let that happen, he would never punish her for what was just a human reaction. He cared about her, and he wouldn't blame her for childish doubts. But then she heard what was said about the long-famed General Leo the day he left, saw the warrants put up for him, and how alive was never a stated condition on them. And so, she started to wonder again.
That night, she dreamed of that scene from many years ago, but in place of the civilian whose name she had never known was Edgar. She wanted to cry out for them to stop, but she felt Gestahl's hand heavy on her shoulder, squeezing it, stopping her, hurting her. She could only watch as the gunman took aim, powerless to stop his finger from curling around the trigger. When she awoke with a choked gasp, it took her a few moments to realize it hadn't been real. Quickly covering her mouth, even though she was alone in her room, she tried to recover herself. But some hours would pass before she was able to sleep again, and even then, it was a restless and short sleep.
When the day of their meeting came, she thought about backing out. Thought about leaving a note on the door saying she had changed her mind, just as he should change his. She knew if she saw him face to face, she wouldn't be able to reject him so cleanly, just as she hadn't been able to before. When they had talked two days prior, his sincerity had gotten to her, and for as infamously cold as she could be, it didn't mean she was devoid of feelings. Just good at hiding it. They'd all gotten good at hiding it, in their own, different ways. Edgar, at least at one time, had acted like he could truly be resigned to it, that this was somehow normality to them. Setzer treated everything like it was a joke, including life and death. Celes became known as the ice queen. But they were all the same, at the core, they were all just putting up fronts. The only one who hadn't was Leo, and unsurprisingly, he was no longer here.
One couldn't make it in the Empire for long, without those facades. It was sort of like a crutch, in a way; a crutch Edgar was trying to pull away from her all of a sudden, as he was asking her to make a decision based upon what she felt, rather than thought. She wasn't ready, although, she doubted she ever would be.
So she certainly thought about it, about leaving, several times. Her hand would reach the doorknob, but then she'd stop. It frustrated her, her own indecisiveness. Eventually, Celes had to tell herself: this was only a talk. A better sorting out of what was at stake here. Edgar had mentioned Leo; this was one thing she knew she needed to know more about. Only when she had all the information could she make a proper decision. Nothing had to be definite. She hadn't betrayed anyone yet... she thought, her mind distantly wandering to Kefka. Finally, then, she sat down and waited.
When the knock on her door came, she felt something in her stomach drop. What if it wasn't Edgar? What if it was a soldier, come to tell her Edgar's plan had already been discovered? The way Gestahl had become as of late... he likely wouldn't even imprison him first. Edgar could already have been dead by now. It was that thought that had her on her feet, needing now to open the door, to see his face. It wasn't his that she was greeted with.
"So, is that how quick you answer when Edgar comes calling? Lucky bastard, I don't think you've ever even gotten up for me," Setzer grinned.
Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, Celes' composure quickly changed. "Setzer," she said, more of a stated observation of a presence she unfortunately found before her, than a greeting. She hadn't thought of him much at all, although she had asked both men to show up here today. She was surprised to see him here first though, the insouciant airship captain usually late to any meeting he could afford to be (and even those he couldn't), whereas Edgar was always quite punctual. "Have you spoken with Edgar today?" she asked him, managing to keep any worry out of her tone, only formality.
"Yeah, this morning," he answered, before he rooted around in his pocket for something. "Mind if I smoke in here?" he asked, although he was already taking out his papers as he walked by her.
Celes frowned. "I will ask that you do n--" Before she was able to conclude that thought though, she was greeted by another surprise. She hadn't been able to see, until Setzer moved aside, that he wasn't, in fact, alone. Behind him... was Terra. Celes blinked.
As always, the girl was wearing the slave crown, the fragile looking device posed delicately upon her soft and pale forehead like a piece of fine jewelry, belying it's capability to rob a human being of their own free will. Celes had no reason to believe she was anything but her usual, unresponsive self. One didn't speak to Terra, they spoke about her, at least that was how Celes had been raised to think of it. It was strange, to say the least, since they had once crossed paths quite a lot, having their respective reasons for visits to Dr. Cid growing up. But at a very young age, Celes had already been taught to shut out almost everyone, and on Terra's end, she was forced, by the way of that crown, to also do the same very early on. So despite being the same age, and the only two women within the ranks of Gestahl's army-- if not some of the only ones within the entire Imperial palace save for a few servants-- they had never been allowed to connect. Celes always had thought that more of a incidental thing, rather than the much more purposeful one that it was. As a result, she went on then to treat her the way most did.
"What is she doing here?" Celes asked Setzer, not sounding particularly pleased. She, because it was strange to use a name for someone who was all but an inanimate object, yet without the insult of any of the various nicknames given to Terra. Some called her a witch, the girl who could call upon magic freely, who burned towns to the ground and the people within them with an unmoving face. The same ones who said this would then immediately turn around and praise Celes. But Celes wondered, was she really any different? Was she somehow better than Terra, because she'd been augmented with magic, rather than born with it? Didn't that make her more freakish, not less? Was the cool that she practiced to survive in this environment, so that she wouldn't lose her mind with grief, make this trait in her somehow more admirable than Terra's forced stoicism? It wasn't something Celes liked to think about much; she simply corrected the men who used that insult, that it was no way to speak about one of their own, and left it at that.
On the other hand, it wasn't like Celes could entirely relate with Terra, either. There were so many unknowns about her, and Gestahl had turned her into nothing but a living weapon. For all she knew, maybe that's all that was left of the girl by now, after years with that crown upon her head, just a shell and nothing more. It would be hard to blame her, after all the things she'd been put through with no say in the matter. Celes had her reasons to have reservations, too. Reservations she felt right then, seeing Terra outside her door. How did she know for certain that the discussion that went on this room wouldn't get back to Gestahl now through this girl? Maybe her crown had some sort of recording device, or maybe the typically silent doll of a person would reveal her voice to the Emperor, and would tell him of every traitorous word she overheard while those around her thought her deaf and dumb.
As soon as she realized her own suspicions, Celes quickly tried to clear her mind; perhaps she was being paranoid, something she feared becoming when she saw what it did to Gestahl, when she saw the beginnings of it in Kefka too, and when she knew she already might be susceptible to following him down the same path, when so many elements in their life had lined up just the same way. She chalked it up to the lack of sleep she'd gotten the night before, although a healthy amount of caution was always necessary. Besides that, there was still the more basic question: why? She knew Setzer worked with Terra the most, but she had no reason to be here now.
As he came to stand by one of the windows, rolling his cigarette, Setzer replied: "Why don't you ask her?" Five words, spoken as though they came completely off the cuff, as though he were getting a smoke ready now because he just felt like being inconsiderate, not that he was nervous as all hell. Setzer had already explained everything to Terra, shortly after Edgar explained everything to him. The gamble the general made by telling Celes what he did was enough to make Setzer think he was out of his mind, one that could spell all of their deaths if Celes ratted them out, yet it was also gambles like those he could respect the most. Edgar had a point, among the reasons he gave for telling her. If they had Celes on their side, she would be an invaluable ally in making sure things were kept quiet while they needed them to stay quiet. No permanent decisions had been reached yet, about what they were really going to do from here on out, save for a promise they made to Leo they'd be back. Setzer imagined this conversation they were all soon to have would be the thing that decided it, for all of them.
For all of them. That included Terra. She was a part of this now, he couldn't deny that. As much as he'd like to leave her in her room, make her decisions for her-- hell, if he could just keep her out of all of this, that would have been ideal. He didn't want to be the one to blame for Gestahl deciding she had outlived her purpose, that she knew too much-- everyone knew what happened to people like that around here. He didn't want those rebels he didn't spare a drop of sympathy for to be responsible for another death of someone in his life, someone who whether they lived or died mattered to him. It was an incredibly short list, a list he'd actually hoped to stop keeping at all after the loss he'd suffered years prior, but somehow, another one had crept up on him. As expected, it was as inconvenient to him as it had been the first time, though made all the worse now, because he'd known better this time.
But it was also incredibly selfish, to feel that way. To want her safe was selfish. Safety, for her, would mean to go on being a puppet for the rest of her life. What sort of life was that? Setzer wasn't the sort who tried to put himself in another's shoes, his own being hard enough to walk in at times, and he'd never claim himself to be an empathetic man. He truly didn't care what happened to the general public, and he'd sooner put himself and his own livelihood above just about anyone else's. He'd done that to Terra herself, plenty of times in the months leading up to the most recent ones, having treated her like a toy he could use just the same as Gestahl did, the difference being he drew pleasure from her, where Gestahl sought pain. Setzer didn't think that made himself any better for it though; he had never thought himself a respectable, good man (he even prided himself on that; it was what kept him alive and thriving). Despite all this, it didn't stop him from knowing perfectly well whose shoes he would never want to be in, and hers was one of them. So either, he could be selfish and save her, or selfless and endanger her. It was pretty funny, really, when he thought about it like that. The same way it was funny that he, a man as self-serving as he was, was putting not just Terra's livelihood in her hands now, but his own too, for as soon as she chose to reveal herself, she would reveal his role in it all, too. Funny-- yeah, he could almost laugh.
In the end, he told her it was her choice. He actually still didn't know for absolute certain what it would be. He had brought her here, with the crown on as usual in case anyone saw them as they walked here, but as it'd been since they left Leo's camp, it was only for appearances now. Her will was entirely her own. So, either she could talk to Celes now, proving her consciousness, proving how deep this hole already went, or she could stay quiet, and hold on to what vestige of her safety remained. He had a feeling, though, he already knew which she'd take.
Incredulously-- was this one of his usual in poor taste jokes?-- Celes looked back to Terra. Actually looked at her this time, as someone capable of answering a question. Was that possible? A few tentative seconds passed, where Celes tried to discern whether or not she wanted to trust that Setzer wasn't trying to have a sorely mistaken laugh at her expensive. And, if she wanted to invite the possibility into her world that among everything else going on right now, that yet one more piece of life here as she understood it was about to change. "...Can you hear me?" she finally asked the girl then, her expression mostly stern and skeptical, but behind that, there was also the faintest hint of curiosity.