This time Leah came back with a hollow laugh. "Talk. Right. You really believe it was just going to be a pleasant little chat? Settle things like civilized gentlemen and then be on your merry way? If you believe that, you really are fucking slow."
Besides, O'Brien had too many injuries to speak of. In a fight against Rodeo, he wouldn't stand a chance. Leah had intentionally failed to mention that O'Brien had said Rodeo had also threatened her. It made her angry to entertain the possibility that not mentioning it was a subconscious reaction to wanting to keep him. Not helpful. Not helpful at all.
She had him. She wanted to keep him. As things stood right now, Leah knew she couldn't. Not when he made stupid agreements to meet up with someone he knew wanted to kill him. Not when he didn't know how much losing him would affect her. That last part was her fault. Keeping him in the dark about something so important, something that could easily break her if O'Brien was careless. She should've told him that night on the roof. Warned him. O'Brien could've had more of a choice. Get involved with a woman who panicked at the very thought of losing someone, or continue to keep the distance between them. Continue their little friendship.
Shouldn't he have known, though? With the way she reacted to Kori's attack and the painful two weeks while they waited to see if her little sister was going to die. O'Brien should've known then, how much it would've killed Leah if the worst case scenario had occurred.
Asking — no, begging — him to stay was an unfair question on many accounts. Her gaze flicked back down when she saw the look on his face. If Leah knew anything about the man at all, she knew he was more than likely worrying. About Charlie. About Brandon and the meeting with Rodeo. About her. He always worried about her. Begging him to stay wasn't making things any easier, for either of them. She'd forgotten how much it hurt to need someone she couldn't have. Unless...
What if she gave him an explanation? At the very least, maybe he wouldn't take it so personally that she was pushing him away. A clean break. Not his fault.
Leah lifted her gaze again, watched him look around as if for a quick escape from the situation, and felt her heart sink further. Okay. She deserved that. No one wanted to be told they weren't wanted... and right after that begged to stay by that same person. It was fucked up and she knew it. Probably all kinds of confusing for him. And rightly so. Leah didn't know what she wanted. To not be able to feel... but also to have O'Brien near. She couldn't have both, and was too afraid to have either.
She wouldn't hold it against him if he decided to walk away, and was about to say just that when he started toward her, and then settled next to her. Always looking out for her, even at her worst. She still wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. When he put his arms around her, Leah welcomed the embrace. She freed one of her hands from the blanket to rest on his arm, her head dipping sideways to rest on his shoulder. There was so much he needed to know, so much she needed to tell him. And yet, where did she even begin? Tie that in with the fact that the night's events had so little to do with her own problems, and she felt like the most self-centered person on the planet right then. It couldn't be helped, though.
"I lost my daughter." Not much of an explanation, but it was a start.