Strange though it seemed, it did more to assuage the fear, to push back the feeling of illness, just to see her. Just hearing her voice calmed him in a way that was both totally expected and completely not. This was his sister, his twin, his other half... it made sense that he'd be more willing to face death as long as she was there to hold his hand.
However, it occurred to him now, exactly what this was going to do to her. And that sadness leaped right back up to the surface, warping his expression yet again into one of apology. “I...” he stumbled, feeling tears springing to his own eyes now. “I wish I could, Als...” he said,using the nickname in hopes that she would follow suit. Full names felt so final. It was something that was always used when they were in trouble, or when they were trying to sound regal. Ollie didn't want regality. He didn't want to face the trouble, either.
Most of all, though, he really, really didn't want to die.
His fingers wrapped around hers, and he looked down at their hands. “I'm sorry...” he whispered. “I'm so sorry, Als...” he said. And for the first time in a long, long time... Ollie was completely incapable of keeping himself from crying.
A memory. A vivid one. He pushed the tears back for a brief moment. “Do you remember... after mama and papa died? When Uncle James first took us in after the funeral? And he tried to quote that weird thing from Hallowed Ground thinking that it would comfort us?” he paused, trying to make sure he remembered the quote right. “'To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.' Remember? And we thought he was completely insane?” A soft chuckle, even though nothing about this situation was funny. “I'm not going anywhere, Als. Because I'll always be around. Always. Maybe not here...” he motioned broadly to the area around them, “but here...” he pointed to her head, “and here,” he put his hand gently on her chest.
“And just like mama and papa, I'm always gonna be protecting you. Always, okay? I just...” he blinked, trying to push back the impending tears. “I'm... so sorry.”