Despite the sudden onset of nerves, Silas laughed and went to smooth a hand through his hair, but aborted the effort when he felt the bandages on his shoulder pull. “Uh, yeah,” he replied, because now he didn’t know how to open the conversation with what he’d wanted to say. “Couldn’t stand the bed anymore.” She had to get that right? Being cooped up like he’d been just wasn’t natural for him.
He shifted his weight, before making a decision and closing the distance between the two of them, halting just barely in her space. “Didn’t want to say it from the bed either,” he admitted, because she would have figured that out sooner rather than later. His girl knew him better than most. A thought that made him smile despite the unease. Why was he even uneasy? He was making too much of it. Or something.
Taking a deep breath, he reached out a hand, resting it against Rae’s cheek and brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, willing the nerves to disappear. He needed this moment to make up for the network conversation. This was big, bigger than anything else he’d said somebody. Bigger than admitting all his own demons. He’d never said it to anyone before.
“I’m sorry,” he started, and then took another breath, his smile faltering at the edges just for a second. “That was never how I was gonna tell you.” He’d never allowed himself to really think about how he’d say it, but he had always thought it would be different. Not in a hospital room only days after he’d been shot saving his friends life. He didn’t want to pause too long, didn’t want to get drawn into a conversation before he got the words out, so in the next breath he said, “I love you,” with all the force that had been building over months and months of time.
“I love you,” he repeated, ducking his head to rest his forehead against Rae’s “You’re everything to me.” He paused, letting the words settle between them before he shifted his hand from her check to below her chin and tipped her head up to capture her mouth with his. It wasn’t bruising or rough, but he poured all the emotion he had into that singular kiss. “I love you,” he said softly against her lips, breaking the kiss. It was like a floodgate had been opened, and now that he’d said it he couldn’t stop.
It was a weight off his shoulders too. He no longer had to hold his tongue and sidestep saying it, hesitant to bare his emotions. Hesitant to push too much, too soon. In retrospect it all seemed stupid. They had both said things that could have easily been construed as an ‘I love you’ without using the words themselves. “Forgive me?” He wasn’t worried, but part of him needed the reassurance that she wasn’t upset with him for what he’d said, and for how he’d said it.