still kind of wordy. XD
Casual had been easy, casual wouldn’t have created this issue. Yet as she stood in the cell, feeling the way she felt, Vienna knew that the idea of a casual thing with Noah was a pipedream, one her emotions had botched a long time ago. She cared about him, and now she needed to face the idea of telling him that, of shattering the illusion she had created – the one where she told herself this wasn’t serious, that it was just sex.
Acknowledging that or admitting it would also mean she was opening herself up to be hurt again. Caring about someone again meant she could lose them, and the thought always crossed her mind that Noah wasn’t immune, or didn’t know if he was. Letting him in would mean removing that wall she had built up, the one that protected her heart. Could she handle losing another man she cared about?
“Oh,” Vienna was quickly realizing the error of her way in all of this. She had jumped to conclusions and now things were tense, which she couldn’t blame Noah for, she had accused him of cheating – or something close to it. “No, I saw his ‘trying’ from outside of the cell.” She remarked, after all wasn’t that what had created all of this? Or part of it, her jealousy played a part as well. Turning her gaze on Noah, she looked at him seriously. “Can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t have reacted in the same way?” Maybe he wouldn’t have, Vienna honestly didn’t know if he was the jealous type or not.
But did he want to try with her? That was the question always in the back of her mind. Noah said he didn’t do relationships, but obviously at one time he had. “But you also don’t want anything serious with anyone else, either.” She muttered, raking her hand through her hair in a frustrated manner. Needing to do something with her hands or else her nails were going to create permanent dents in her palms.
Fighting had been the last thing Vienna had wanted. Her head was already pounding and the urge to cry was still there, trying to fight it’s way to the surface. As much as she wanted to will Noah to come over to her, to close that physical gap between them, she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t just push him away, needing the distance right now to keep what little bit of control she still had over her emotions in place. This was something she could control while everything else seemed to be spinning around her.
For a long moment she was speechless, had Noah just confirmed this wasn’t casual? Or that she wasn’t the only one of them who had formed feelings in this? She didn’t turn around, only because she wasn’t sure she could stay composed while she spoke. “I believe you,” How could she not after what he had just said. “But how was I supposed to know that when you never told me?” When they were both making the other believe they were simply having fun with no-strings attached. "Beyond sex, I never knew exactly where things stood between us."