all the words ever!
Vienna had said it before, maybe on a network post or maybe in an actual conversation: that she didn't like to share. Most people didn't. Of course, he'd been letting all those little remarks and hints that this might be more than he'd intended for it to be from the start float right by him. Because it was easier to ignore them, wasn't it? Easier to pretend that it was just sex.
What Noah was realizing-- what he'd done his best to shovel under all the other muck in his psyche, bury so it would never see the light of day-- was that maybe he'd been refusing to acknowledge any feelings because then he'd have to acknowledge that yes, he'd cared a lot more for his ex than he'd planned to, as well, and the guy had hurt him. He didn't like to let anyone close enough to hurt him, and he'd done it twice in recent history, hadn't he?
"I didn't want to sleep with anyone else, either," Noah said, feeling that needed an answer. "And I didn't. Doesn't mean he didn't try." Clearly. She'd seen how close they'd been sitting, how Rufus had been touching him. That had to have been what the guy had come here for, to try to get Noah in bed. Whether or not he wanted Noah back in every sense of the word, Noah had no idea. It could just be a game Rufus was playing with him. He had to know that Noah would never really trust him again. "But it would've been nice if you'd at least given me the benefit of the doubt, a little bit."
Noah let out a silent sigh and said, "I don't want to try again with him." Would he have, if the cold war between them had ended before he'd met Vienna? Probably, even if that made him stupid. There was so much emotion there, so much left unfinished between them. But he'd always had the inkling that Rufus was playing him in some way, was pulling the string to make Noah dance; that edge of manipulation might have been why he'd been able to keep his distance for so long and would have likely continued to do so.
Damn, he didn't know if he could do this right now. It was all making his head hurt, and Noah rubbed at his temples as he watched Vienna turn around and encircle herself with her arms. He strove for calm, knowing that what he probably should do was get up and go over to put his arms around her. Somehow he couldn't. He was still too shaken up and felt the fierce need to hide it as well as he could. If he touched her, he might fly apart at the seams.
"Then act like it," Noah said, his voice low and even when she said she'd formed feelings for him. "Believe that I mean what I say and I'm not running around looking for someone else to fuck. Until such time as you tell me you don't want me, I'm with you." Not exactly eloquent, not a movie-style declaration of devotion, but it was what he had right now. Maybe it wasn't enough, but he supposed he'd find out.