Rae Alghren (prettydeadly) wrote in immune_ic, @ 2012-07-23 21:26:00 |
|
|||
It was either ridiculous or depressing, that Rae was just laying in bed, still clutching that shirt and crying into it. But she just... didn't want to move. It was like every time she closed her eyes, he was there. Some kind of memory of some happy time that she'd never get to experience again. Or a waking nightmare. Of the fact that his last memory of her was... her as a sobbing mess. That he resented her for that fact. Her hand moved over to the bedside table on his side; she'd been using it on Thursday to put together a scrapbook of their beach trip. Maybe it was a bad idea to torment herself, but she didn't know what else to do. She flipped the pages; happy David and Ellie, happy Leah, Marigold and Evan... and happy Rae, with happy Elliot. Picture after picture of everyone happy taunted her. Reminded her that she'd never be that happy again. She threw the photo album at the wall with all her might and curled up tighter, holding the shirt again and just begged her tear ducts to stop producing tears. Not that she didn't want to mourn; she knew that she had every right to cry. But she had cried so much. And she was tired of being selfish. So tired of making the whole situation about her, when Elliot was the one who'd lost his life. He was the one who'd suffered the biggest injustice here. But he was everything to her. And he was gone. It was hard to just let go of that. Though she was vaguely aware that there was a knock on the door, she didn't move. Didn't speak. Didn't anything, right away. The door wasn't locked. Whoever was there... would just come in, if they really wanted to. Maybe. If not, they'd go away. She was fine with that, too. It was hard to care about anything right now. |