Leaving her. Rae nodded dumbly and sniffled. "Y-yeah. He's..." she didn't repeat that he was leaving her, didn't elaborate that he was never coming back. Just nodded. "I just wish that... I would do anything." Anything she could. Goodbyes... they were always miserable. But when they were forever goodbyes, and especially when they were goodbyes to people you loved... the person you loved the most? They were just unfair. "I can't help but... I feel like I gave up on him. He'd never have..." he wouldn't have given up on her. Never.
Grateful. Grateful that she had to sit there and watch him deteriorate. That was a hard pill to swallow. There was a song that she used to dance to; it said that love is watching someone die. Maybe that was a testament. Or something. She turned and looked at Leah. The other woman hadn't had that much, Rae knew that. But it was still... hard to be grateful. "It's hard t-to know what side of that coin is better..." she added in a hushed tone.
Leah spoke of coping and Rae felt herself growing angry. Or maybe she felt her sadness growing more aggressive. "Maybe I don't want to cope!" she snapped. "Maybe I want to go back to being happy with the man I love. Is it so ridiculous to want to be happy?" she asked, eyes desperate and angry. "It's not fair. It's... it's not fair!" She didn't notice it, but she was shaking. "He doesn't... he doesn't deserve this. To die."
But Leah telling her that she was allowed to be selfish brought her back down to earth. "I'm... I don't mean to... to yell..." she swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry." Another apology. Whether Leah felt she needed to or not.
When Leah blocked her off, Rae turned her head and looked sharply, furiously at the other woman, barricading her from going to be with the man she loved one more time. "He should. You should! I do! I'm supposed to... supposed to be strong!" She shook her head when Leah insisted that she didn't want to go back. The words Evan will make it quick did little to settle her nerves; ease her pain. "But I... but he..." she shook her head and tried to fight against Leah again. "I have t—"
BANG!
Rae froze. Hazel eyes stared blankly at the empty hallway behind them as the loud gunshot echoed wildly off the walls. Her jaw fell open and before she'd even processed what was happening, her eyes were wet with tears again. When she finally did process... those tears became all the more justified.
That was it. Elliot was dead. Just like that.
A few ragged breaths and Rae's eyes slammed shut once more, and she started sobbing again.