“I'll... I'll try.” Not immediately, because she didn't want him to think that he was less important to her than he was. It would take time, too, for the wound to heal; for the sadness of losing her soulmate to fade. For... her to want to try again. But she didn't say as much. She didn't want him to feel guilty; didn't want him any sadder than he probably was already. “But... but I'll never stop... I'll always love you. N-no matter what, no matter... no matter if...” she sniffled again. No matter if anyone else came along. She'd always, always love him. If there ever was anyone else... they'd need to be able to deal with that; to understand that.
A sad smile crossed her face, and she smoothed her fingers along his cheek, hoping to bring him some comfort. “That's my man, right there...” she wet her lips. “My sweet, Steel-like hell raiser.” She swallowed thickly, then cleared her throat.
He reassured her about impending motherhood, and she looked away from him for a second. “I...” she'd already been a little scared, even of the thought of doing this with him. But doing it alone... she was even more scared. She steeled her nerves as best she could and turned back to look at him. “I believe you.” It wasn't... totally true. But she needed to be strong for him right now. “I'll do my best, babe. Little One's going to be spoiled rotten, I can tell you that much.”
She hugged him, desperate to just... hold on to him for a little longer. She didn't want to let go. She wasn't ready. Didn't want to lose the man who'd saved her life on countless occasions; just as many as he claimed she'd saved his. She didn't want her son—their son—to be born without his father. So she clung. She held onto him like it might save his life, even though she knew, deep down, that it wouldn't. That this was the end, no matter how strongly she wished for it not to be. Without regard to how selfish it made her seem, she held on.
Leah's first call out, she did, in fact, hear. But she didn't acknowledge. The second one was harder to ignore, especially when coupled with the hand on her shoulder. She turned quickly, shaking her head desperately, like it would convince Leah that she was wrong; that everyone was wrong. “I... I can't...”
She heard Evan, too. The fact that both of them had been through this was the farthest thing from her mind right now. “You have to, Rae... you can't... this isn't...”
Evan didn't need to finish his sentence for Rae to know what he was getting at, but he did anyway. “This isn't fair. To him.”
That, he had right. Nothing about this situation was fair. But the way she was acting... was definitely not fair. To Elliot. He needed her to be strong, and she was being greedy; crying like a child, refusing to let go. She tried to pull in a breath, but it came out ragged, stuttering, while she pulled away and looked into his eyes for what would truly be the final time. “I'm sorry,” she whispered sheepishly. “I'll never... I'll never forget you. Never, okay? I... I love you.”
And with that, she stood, and turned to walk with Leah, glancing over her shoulder on her way out the door.
Once she'd departed, she heard Evan's attempt at a hushed tone from the hall. “You okay, man? That... that couldn't have been easy.” His voice wasn't as even as it usually was; he too seemed overcome by grief and sadness, but he seemed far more capable than she'd been of keeping it together.