The baby didn’t always move for him. Some days he was stubborn. When Elliot felt that little kick against his hand, he found the strength for a bigger smile. I’ll never get to meet you… That was the saddest part of this whole thing. Leaving Rae broke his heart, yes, but the reality of never getting to meet his son was… crushing. For all his doubts and reservations, Elliot had been so looking forward to meeting his child, getting to know him, doing all the things he’d planned on doing with him. “I don’t even have the words for how much I love him, too. Both of you.”
The hand that had been on her stomach moved to her back when she hugged him. He wished he had the strength to cling, to use her as his lifeline to keep him from fading away. Wishing was hopeless, though. Wishing was a waste of time. It was a sad realization that they were both starting to slip into the past tense while they were talking about him. It wasn’t untrue, but it made things that much more real. Unlike his stab wound, this was something Elliot couldn’t recover from.
Despite the fact that Rae was immune and the only open wound he had was on his hand (which was covered), it still worried him somewhat when she kissed him. He didn’t protest, though. Instead, savoring the contact of their last kiss. “That’s not something you should be sorry for. This was all me. My stubbornness did this, and for that I’m sorry.” He pursed his lips when she made a light comment about him never doing any wrong. Boy, was that not true, but he took the reassurance (small though it was) for what it was.
A second start. That was a good way of thinking of it. “You’re good at that. Putting a positive spin on a hopeless situation.” Unfortunately, there was no positivity that could be spun into this situation. “I hope he adds on to those stories when he’s older,” he told her seriously. “Makes them his own. Bet he’ll be a great storyteller.”
Evan returned, and Elliot couldn’t stifle his expression of relief, not just because he wanted to say goodbye to his friend, but because he hadn’t wanted David or Rae to be the ones to… end it for him. He feared that most of all.
Rae asked about a favor and Elliot nodded once. The tape recorder already gave him an idea of what she was about to ask. A message to their son. Elliot looked blankly at the tape recorder. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to leave behind an audio memory of himself, he just… didn’t know what to say. He supposed, though, that even if he’d had all the time in the world, he wouldn’t have known what kind of message he wanted his son to hear.
Frowning thoughtfully, Elliot took the recorder. He stared at it for a few moments, before flipping it on. “Hey there, Little One. It’s… It’s your dad.” A brief pause while he fought with a moment of selfconsciousness. Maybe calling his son by his unborn nickname wasn’t the best way to start. Too late now. He cleared his throat. “I… I’m sorry I’m not around to… to see you grow up. If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’ll give your mom a lot of trouble. She loves you, though. We both do. So much.”
Elliot paused again, this time blinking back sudden tears. “Take care of your mom for me, will you? She means the world to me.” He wasn’t sure how to end his message, so he just repeated “I love you” and turned the recorder off.