Gift for nimrod_9: Journey's End (Snape/Lupin) Title Journey's End Authorleni_jess Recipientnimrod_9 Rating NC17 Word Count ~6,450 words Warnings None, but consider the implications of the summary and the rating Summary Snape/Lupin. Remus Lupin has been trying to seduce Severus Snape for over twenty years. The long quest might be ending at last... Disclaimer Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and associated entities. This story is not written for profit. Notes Thanks to my beta readers F and B, and to the mods for gracious patience, as well as for taking on this exchange at short notice.
Late at night, Severus liked to fly. It released the tensions of the day, wiping away the anger and the fear and the nausea. When he was at something like peace, he would swoop low over the Forbidden Forest, and at last could return to his rooms in the Headmaster's tower and sleep.
Tonight it was the full of the moon, and Severus made his final gliding circle higher than usual. There were werewolves in the forest, after all, even if he rarely saw one.
He had grown accustomed to thinking about werewolves in the years he had tinkered with Belby's original formulation for the Wolfsbane Potion. He had grown accustomed to thinking about one particular werewolf ever since Dumbledore had appointed him to the Hogwarts staff and forced Severus to make his monthly potion. Severus still made the potion, and distributed it, though officially only to werewolves whom the Dark Lord wished to be in their right minds at all times. Fenrir Greyback disapproved, but Lord Voldemort knew the Wolfsbane Potion gave him a means to control even Fenrir, should that prove necessary. Severus didn't believe, however, that Remus Lupin still had access to it, not since Dumbledore died almost a year ago on that tall tower Severus never now ventured onto. Lupin was on the wrong side, and Slughorn had never mastered the potion.
For the last two moons, Severus had been leaving doses at a spot he knew Lupin frequented for his change night, but the first time they had not been drunk. He had poured the smoking messes onto the forest floor, in disappointment even more than in anger, before returning to the castle to clean the containers for next time. Tomorrow, he would return to that spot, half cave, half shelter of the roots of a fallen oak, to see if Lupin had taken the bait this time – but not until after moonset.
He knew he should go back and sleep. It was not as if he could recognise Lupin in werewolf guise from this height.
First, though, he flew for a while above the parts of the Forest nearest Hogwarts, trying to calm the agitation thinking of Lupin always caused. Damn the man, damn the wolf, damn the idiot. If only he had more time to experiment, to make Belby's damned potion easier to brew, easier to administer. Astonishing that doing no teaching, and taking part in few Death Eater activities, left him with less free time than ever. Students and staff required more supervision than had once been normal, and given his relationship with both continuing and new staff, and theirs with each other, the supervision had to be his.
Finally Severus went back to his rooms and allowed himself a half dose of Dreamless Sleep. Tomorrow was also a day, and almost certainly it would not be a good one.
~~~SS~~RL~~~
Severus arrived at Lupin's tiny clearing a few minutes after moonset. The sun had been up for about an hour, so he had no problem seeing to land.
This time, Lupin was there. He lay on the damp bed of forest leaves, tucked well under the massive oak roots, rather than inside the small shelter the cave would have given. He was shuddering with cold (no surprise on the first day of May, so far north), not really conscious, but with no fresh marks of self-injury on him. So he had taken the Wolfsbane Potion, had kept his mind, and only – only! – had had to deal with the physical agonies of transformation, which must worsen, year by year.
It looked as if the wolf had tried to get under Lupin's shabby but still adequate cloak, and the man had been too exhausted to pull it up and around himself.
Severus crawled up to him and briskly drew the cloak away, using his wand to make sure Lupin had no unseen injuries. He cast Warming Charms on the man, the cloak and even the thick layer of oak leaves, then wrapped Lupin thoroughly in his cloak. Lupin's clothes would be nearby; he Summoned them. To his surprise they were newer than he was used to seeing on Lupin. Severus's lip curled. Maybe Lupin didn't mind being a kept man as well as a married man; he'd had no earned income since Severus had forced him out of Hogwarts for terminal stupidity. And maybe for other reasons, but nowadays he tried not to think of them; it was pointless.
Severus made himself settle on one of the roots that lay just above the ground, broad enough to be comfortable, and waited as patiently as he could. When Lupin began to stir, Severus moved to his side and propped Lupin's head on his knee, before setting the first vial of healing potion to his mouth. He wasn't surprised when Lupin clamped his lips shut and brought up his hands to push him away. Lupin sometimes acted from automatic distrust even better than Severus himself, with as much reason.
"Fool, it's me. Drink it."
Lupin made a soft sound in his throat and swallowed without opening his eyes. Only after the third time his Adam's apple moved did his mind catch up with his instinctive response to the known voice. He tried to convulse away, and he was strong enough, half crippled by pain though he was, to make it necessary for Severus to cork the vial with a wandless, silent spell and use both hands to keep the man still.
"If I wanted to poison you, Lupin, I wouldn't have wasted my time brewing Wolfsbane Potion for you. Nor would I waste actual poison on you now, that would have cost me effort to brew, when my wand is all I need to kill you."
Lupin was staring up at him, stiff with panic, hands clawed in Severus's sleeve, but the logic reached him, and he settled against Severus once more.
After he'd drunk the rest of the vial, he asked, "Why, Severus?"
Severus fetched out the muscle relaxant and put that to Lupin's mouth. The man swallowed obediently, but the golden eyes stayed fixed on Severus's face.
That potion acted fast; Severus could see its effects almost at once. Lupin's tight muscles began to ease, from the tiny ones making frown lines on his forehead to the corded sinews of his wrists. Lupin drew his hands into the shelter of the cloak and huddled it closer, up around his neck.
He repeated, "Why?"
"Be more specific, Lupin, or I'd be telling you my life story – if I answered you at all."
Lupin's mouth crooked a little in wry amusement. "I could assume you left the potion for me, and are here now, pouring vile liquids down my throat, because you got into the habit of doing so four years ago, and never stopped, if I was in reach."
The hint of smile disappeared. "No, Severus. Why Dumbledore?"
Severus suppressed his shiver, and said as calmly as he could, "I can't tell you that, Lupin."
"You were his man, Severus; I saw too much to doubt that."
Lupin surveyed him silently, and Severus waited blank-faced for the condemnation, the scornful distaste, that Minerva had given him all year, Minerva who had known him longer and better and more closely, who had never been his enemy, until now, unlike Lupin, even if Lupin's enmity had been no more than passive. Lupin was capable of gratitude, and he was loyal, even if he tended to be spineless with his friends, and to think of his own interests before others', and to take the easy path. He must be as angry as all the others at Dumbledore's death. Must think the word they all thought, that Severus had never grown used to: murderer. In a moment, he would throw it at Severus; he didn't need anything further from him, after all.
Instead, though, Lupin said, "Yes, I see. Of course you can't say. The old devil's secrets will kill you yet, Severus."
Severus felt shock and alarm at being seen through as if he were glass, to be known so thoroughly, despite all he had done, and all his efforts to be opaque to everyone from Voldemort down. He felt a wave of warmth like weakness, a weakness that tumbled him down over Lupin, barely able to keep on his knees.
Alarm rescued him. He stiffened, then made himself kneel upright again.
"You see nothing." He forced the words out.
He was further alarmed when Lupin smiled at him and moved so that his head was on Severus's thigh again, reaching an arm across him to rest on the other thigh and curve around his hip.
"You worked damned hard to beat the curse that withered his hand, Severus; quite a few of us saw that. But it wasn't any better, was it? It got worse. So it was killing him, and he used that, used you."
"Be quiet!" These were things that should never be said, even in the depths of the Forbidden Forest.
Severus was staring at Lupin in amazement, though. Why did he understand this, when no one else did?
Lupin's head moved slightly in assent, before he said, "A bad year, Severus?"
His lips crooked again. "I heard about the vile punishments you imposed on the students, sending them off into the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid." He grinned openly. "I'm sure the likes of Neville and Ginny and that dizzy Ravenclaw were terrified into good behaviour."
Severus could feel his own mouth showing his bitter amusement. He wasn't going to admit anything, and it hadn't surprised him that even the students who'd known him for years hadn't compared his punishments with those the Carrows wanted to use (and succeeded in using, sometimes), and drawn conclusions. They were all too close, too endangered, and too afraid, even if they were suicidally determined to carry on with their Dumbledore's Army defiance of Voldemort's minions, risking their lives for childish, ineffective pinpricks.
"There are many dangers in the Forest. They were right to be terrified."
Lupin recognised that these were unrelated statements. He smiled again, and his other hand came out from under the cloak to run caressingly over Severus's cheek and chin. It lingered so that his fingers could curl into Severus's lank hair, longer and more neglected than ever.
Alarm returned, accompanied by uncertainty at this renewed intimacy, and the recollection that Lupin was married to that idiot Auror girl, in love with love. He had been content to give her her way in spite of what had seemed to be his inclinations, and was now the father of her child.
Severus stiffened, feeling his face go cold, and quickly brushed Lupin's hand away with the same distaste he would feel towards an insect crawling on his flesh. He couldn't afford to be deceived again, or betrayed, whichever it was. No more of Lupin's bold, secret caresses; no more hope for longing to be assuaged; no more recognition of longing.
Lupin refused to be brushed off.
"You were always skittish," he said, shifting with the wolf's suddenness to lie across Severus's thighs and hold him down with his body weight. He ran his hands up from belly to chest to shoulders, gripping there, and seemed to ignore Severus's hands trying to push his own away.
Severus should never have stayed to feed Lupin the potions, and to make sure he was recovering; he should have just cast those charms and left the vials where Lupin would see them when he roused sufficiently. If Severus had done that, he wouldn't have had to know what he knew now, that he wanted those hands on him, despite all Lupin had done.
Lupin was strong when he cared to exert himself, even a mere hour past transformation.
Severus suddenly stopped trying to hold him off; Lupin would just exhaust himself, and that would make more trouble for Severus: he would have to stay longer, to ensure Lupin recovered. Let him do what he would; it could make no real difference. Severus did not have to respond.
He found himself tumbled down to the leaves and then onto the cloak, with a naked man half over him, glowing eyes holding his, and hands everywhere, stroking now instead of grasping. He began to doubt his own passive resistance. Lupin's mouth on his told him how stupid that resolve had been.
Lupin had kissed him before, though not often. He remembered every one of those kisses, from the first one stolen when they were fifteen.
They had bumped into each other in a remote corner of the Library, and Lupin had caught hold of him and kissed him, soft and tender and curious. Severus had embarrassed himself by slapping Lupin like a flustered girl. He had then tried to hex Lupin, but Lupin had grabbed his hands, saying softly, "No, Severus." Lupin then disconcerted him further by licking the palm of a captured hand. He could still remember how the shivering shock of that touch had frozen him, while he'd stared down into eyes suddenly more golden, more bright.
Lupin had said apologetically, "Sorry," and kissed his mouth again. Severus had shuddered deeply, and after a moment had pulled free. He had been appalled at how easily he had yielded, terrified of mockery, and shaking still with that foreign need Lupin had forced on him.
He had hissed, "Get away from me!"
Lupin had just smiled and stepped back, saying soothingly as he turned away, "It's all right, Severus. I'd never hurt you."
Lupin's kisses now weren't tentative or tender, weren't designed to entice. They were meant to convince him, utterly, that Lupin desired him, and would take as much as he could. If Severus bore it patiently, as he had meant to, until he could free himself, he would be giving Lupin what he wanted, and taking what he himself wanted, and stripping himself utterly naked to Lupin's gaze. That was not to be borne.
So he lunged up and bit at Lupin's lower lip, and rejoiced at the harsh noise that drew from him. Then he let Lupin show him kisses, and ways of touching, and returned kisses and touches fiercely, until Lupin's hands were inside his cloak, and robes, and under-robes, and shirt, and then on his drawers, tearing them open to get at Severus's cock, which was hot and full enough already, thank you. Then he could shove, hard, knocking Lupin away.
Severus didn't wait to fasten his clothing. He snatched up his cloak, backed out from under the old oak's sky-seeking roots, and, while Lupin was still scrambling after him, wordlessly Summoned his empty vials and goblets, and Apparated away.
~~~SS~~RL~~~
It was still very early when Severus returned to the Headmaster's rooms. He stripped off his clothes, throwing every last piece into the laundry basket for the house-elves. He then stepped into a bath as hot as he could stand and scrubbed, ferociously, trying to remove every last vestige of Lupin's touch. He finished by washing his hair, and even rinsed it off with the herbal wash he ordinarily bothered to use only if he needed to impress the likes of governors or examiners (far more important than the Minister, since they still controlled their own thoughts). Even after that he could smell Lupin; it drove him frantic. He did not ask himself why he had bathed and shaved before he went to see if Lupin was at the rendezvous.
He would have to breakfast in the Great Hall, later, as he had done every day this year, except when the Dark Lord had summoned him. He needed to watch as closely as possible over students and staff and Voldemort's officious deputies, keeping them separated as far as he could.
To distract himself from thoughts of Lupin, he returned to the project that had taken up odd hours for years: how to reduce the necessary three doses of Wolfsbane Potion to one, to match the one night that men transformed to werewolves, without poisoning the man with a too-high level of aconite. Ever since the night that Lupin had forgotten his last dose and changed to the mindless beast, despite the two goblets of potion he had drunk on successive nights, Severus had been determined to create the security that a one-time dose would provide to both the werewolf and any human creature in its path.
He had long thought that Arithmancy might assist his calculations of appropriate ratios of ingredients, but they were complex, and might need to be redone many more times before he could have some hope of success brewing an experimental potion that would neither kill the man nor leave the werewolf in control.
An hour later he strode down the gargoyle stairs with little to show for his efforts. He had, however, managed to avoid thinking of Lupin, and Lupin's mouth, and hands, and pale gold skin laced with self-inflicted scars. Mostly. Years of self-protective Occlumency had given Severus considerable ability to discipline his thoughts, but Lupin was insidious.
Only after breakfast did he remember that he had not taxed Lupin with his wife. The werewolf was shameless, but Severus might have embarrassed the man. He had not thought of Nymphadora Tonks once after Lupin touched him, and clearly Lupin had not, for whatever reason, been concerned about her. If Lupin was content to be her husband, why had he unleashed that sensual onslaught on Severus? If he wanted Severus, why on earth had he married the lovesick ninny? Because he had allowed himself to be seduced and made her pregnant? Surely not.
Inwardly snarling at these thoughts, Severus began an edgy exchange with Minerva of facilities to be provided to NEWTs and OWLs examiners. He reminded her that Griselda Marchbanks and her flock of academics would almost certainly be more concerned with the students' capabilities than with placating the Carrows' pride in their teaching appointments. She should make sure the examiners said nothing regrettable about teaching standards, and he would remind brother and sister that the Dark Lord valued the objective assessment of the pureblood students' educational achievements, so they should not interfere with the process.
He didn't say that, by the time the examiners were due to arrive, there might not be a Hogwarts to receive them. The Dark Lord had been keeping his plans to himself, even though he still seemed to rely on Severus and to trust him. Severus didn't think, however, that this year he would wait for Halloween to strike.
~~~SS~~RL~~~
He allowed himself to return to his calculations after dinner, having dealt with the day's paperwork with ruthless efficiency during the morning and spent the afternoon bringing student records up to date. It was not just NEWTs and OWLs closing in on the school.
He had also spoken to the Carrows about respecting the examiners' tasks. He had warned them to be lenient with those students taking official examinations, so that they might perform their best before entering the Dark Lord's service as adults. Brother and sister had been inclined to sulk, but took to heart his pointed reminders that as their lord tightened his control of the wizarding world, he would need skilled workers and clerks and managers as well as enforcers. The students' examination results should therefore reflect their abilities, rather than their responses to discipline.
Sometime after sunset there was a knock on Severus's door. He sighed and set aside his papers, expecting his hostile Deputy Headmistress had found something new to complain of.
"Come."
It was not Minerva who entered, however, but Lupin, looking a good deal better than he had at dawn.
Severus tilted an eyebrow and kept his expression cold.
"Minerva gave me the password," Lupin explained, stepping quickly to the front of his desk. "Severus, it's starting soon, I'm sure."
"What is?"
"I spoke to Aberforth a little while ago; he said Harry's come back to the school to look for something of You-Know-Who's. Do you know anything about that?"
Severus thought, Another Horcrux, and Voldemort is disturbed enough to give me the same warning, even if he doesn't know, yet, how many he's lost.
However, he said blandly, "No, Potter doesn't share his plans with me."
Lupin clicked his tongue in irritation, but then he shrugged. "Keep the old man's damned secrets, then. I'm staying here, to keep watch, in case Harry needs me.
"But Severus..."
For once he seemed less than fluent.
"What's so hard to say, Lupin? An apology for your assault this morning, perhaps?"
When Lupin relaxed and laughed Severus knew that had been the wrong thing to say. Damn. He could handle everyone else; why did he keep getting it wrong with Lupin, somehow letting him know what Severus would have preferred to keep to himself?
Lupin walked quickly around the desk and instinctively Severus rose.
Now trying to keep Lupin at bay, he said quickly, "Have you still not remembered your wife, Lupin? And child – a boy, I believe?"
Lupin went still, then spoke softly. "I remember Dora. And also Teddy. I'm very fond of him; but Severus, he's not mine. When he was born I didn't know that, and," Lupin shrugged, "and he feels like my son. Even if he isn't. I won't abandon him, but Dora... I don't owe her much, perhaps, but I'd rather spare her pride, and she does seem to love me, poor girl, even if she never told me the truth about Teddy until I saw it for myself.
"So I decided, Severus, that this time I'd take your Wolfsbane Potion, if you left it for me again, and if it didn't kill me, I would come to find you, tell you..."
"About your not-son?"
"No; I didn't mean to do that. No."
Lupin took a deep breath, then put his hands on Severus's shoulders: a light touch, but it pinned him to the spot. Severus felt his eyes flickering, then made himself lift them, determinedly meeting Lupin's sober gaze.
"Tell you about me. Merlin knows, I've been trying to tell you for twenty years and more, chasing after you whenever I had the chance, whenever you'd let me close enough. I'm tired of chasing, Severus. I'd like to catch you. Today or tomorrow, or soon, may be the end of everything, at least for me, because if there's a fight I'm in it, with Harry."
His fingers tightened, and he gave Severus a little shake. "Time to stop being skittish, Severus. Time to believe me, to accept that it's always been you, for me. Tell me. Is it me, for you?"
Severus had always believed that he would die before this war was done. He hoped it would be in helping to defeat Voldemort. He knew that his life was forfeit, for his unintended betrayal of Lily, and for being unable to save her. He had been willing to use his life, to devote it to Dumbledore's plans, to Potter's protection, to a free wizarding world that had never loved him.
But here was someone who, though he didn't say the word, felt and meant love, made the commitment. Felt more than just desire. And it was someone he had always lusted after, whereas he never would have dared to lust after Lily, his only friend. Could he, after all, have had another friend, if it hadn't been for James Potter and Sirius Black? He knew he could have had a lover, had always known it, and never admitted it. Too much fear, too much pride, and above all too much bad experience. Perhaps he too could have a love as well as a lover.
Perhaps it was time to throw off that Disillusionment Charm, before he threw off his pretence of loyalty to the madman who was probably even now approaching Hogwarts, concerned for the safety of his Horcruxes.
Voldemort wasn't here yet. He would be here soon, but not yet. Perhaps Severus could take that little time for himself, and for Lupin. If Lupin was selfish and easily led, Severus had faults enough to balance those out, and his faults had led to worse disasters. Perhaps it was time to forgive, and be forgiven, and be at peace, and discover what love meant, even if they might never enjoy its fullness.
He took Lupin's hands, and held them folded between his own. Lupin allowed it.
"Will you catch me if I fall?"
Lupin's eyes turned that glorious gold once more, though he didn't smile. "You'll be safe in my hands, Severus, as I'll be safe in yours."
Severus wondered how he could give such trust, but this morning had shown that Lupin understood him better than anyone else still in the world. Perhaps now he could learn Lupin, in this little time together.
He released Lupin's hands and drew him close and kissed him. Lupin was passive only for a moment, then his lips parted to admit Severus's insistent tongue, and his arms closed around Severus's back, pulling him close, closer, sliding his hands down to grip Severus's arse, to pull their bodies together. Severus felt a pulse of wild excitement as their half-hard cocks made contact; even through their clothing it was like a burst of magic. He laced his fingers into Lupin's hair, holding him just so while their mouths devoured each other.
When they paused to breathe Severus was shaking, but so was Lupin.
Lupin muttered, "Want you. Want to have you at last. Severus?"
"Yes; yes," he replied, only a little horrified to hear the eager break in his voice. What did that matter? Lupin knew him, and he was going to know Lupin, as completely as possible.
Lupin cast a quick glance around the office, but Severus didn't want to make love here. He released Lupin's hands, slipped his wand down his sleeve, and silently invoked the heavy-duty protective charms on doors and windows.
"I have a bed, Lupin, which will be better than damp leaves and cold ground."
As soon as he put the wand away Lupin's fingers curled around his, tugging gently.
Lupin didn't seem to be in such a hurry now, or perhaps was no longer so anxious to convince. He closed the bedroom door behind them and pushed Severus up against it, then showed Severus still more about kissing.
It was Severus who first yielded to the need to touch naked skin, to run his hands over the body he had seen but stupidly not touched that morning. He tugged Lupin's robes open, then jerked clumsily at the buttons on the shirt beneath.
"Easy," Lupin murmured, "you're a wizard," which might have been embarrassing, but Severus couldn't care.
Lupin muttered a charm which unfastened all his buttons, and the waistband of the Muggle trousers he wore under his robes, and applied the same charm to Severus's own clothing.
Severus shrugged impatiently out of his robes, but his coat and his long under-tunic were too close-fitting for that, and his damned boots, unlike Lupin's shoes, could not be kicked off just because the laces fell free.
He could feel Lupin laughing, but he sounded breathless, so Lupin was probably laughing at both of them, and as hot and eager as he was. They probably looked ridiculous, fighting free of clothing meant to keep them warm in a northern spring in a cold castle, each tugging now at his own clothes, and then at the other's.
Lupin pulled back from his clutching hands and shimmied his hips a little. Despite his earnest desire for Lupin to be naked, Severus rolled his eyes, amused at a clumsy and quite unnecessary attempt to entice him. Then Lupin's trousers slid off his narrow hips and down his legs, and Merlin, he wore nothing under them, and his cock was springing up, freed at last.
Forgetting everything else, Severus reached for it. He wrapped his hands around it, liking its hot smooth weight and needing to touch all of it, to make it stand impossibly high and hard. Lupin gasped and thrust up into his hands, closed his eyes and bit his lips, and Severus loved that yielding. Holding the base of the cock in one hand, he ran the other up its length, taking the firm grip he himself liked. Lupin evidently liked it that way too. Severus wanted to tease the foreskin that had partly rolled back from the glistening head, found himself wanting to lick and taste.
Lupin gasped, "Get your clothes off, you idiot, before I spell them off you! Do you think you're the only one who wants to touch?"
Somehow Severus's clothes were strewn across the floor, and Lupin knelt before him to haul off his boots. Severus leaned against the door to keep his balance as Lupin ripped off his long stockings and then the long, close-fitting, fine wool drawers, one of Severus's few extravagances.
Lupin knelt up and grabbed his cock with no more ado and took it into his mouth. Severus cried out at the hot wet heaven that closed around him, and again as Lupin licked all the way up, in a broad swipe of rough tongue against hypersensitive skin, before starting to mouth the head, playing with Severus's foreskin as Severus himself had wanted to do to Lupin, but using his tongue, not his fingers. Severus let the door take his weight and braced his hands against it to avoid sliding down it to the floor. Nothing must interrupt what Lupin was doing to him. He would keep on his feet if it killed him.
Severus moaned softly, and moved one hand to Lupin's head, touching the greying brown untidy hair with gentle fingers, wanting Lupin to keep doing that, but anxious not to force him. Lupin's head pressed into his hand, encouraging, so Severus touched more firmly, then began running his fingers through hair no longer bright, but soft, so soft. Anything to keep from coming yet in response to the steady suckling of that hot mouth on his prick. Severus closed his eyes and whimpered desperately.
Lupin's mouth slid off him and Lupin muttered, "Yes, that's it, come for me, Severus, come now. I want to see you, taste you."
There was no resisting that demand. Severus's orgasm roared out of him. Lupin's mouth seized on his jerking prick once more and he felt Lupin swallowing him down, taking his semen, sucking the last of it out of him, gentling him through the aftershocks, doubling and redoubling the physical bliss, the blinding pleasure that knocked him off his feet.
When sense and thought returned, Severus found himself on the floor, huddled between Lupin and that unyielding door, being stroked and licked and soothed.
"I think you've killed me," he whispered.
"Takes more than that," Lupin corrected, smiling, even though Severus could feel the impossibly hard cock pulsing against his side, leaking, weeping for fulfilment.
"Can I do that to you?"
"You could, but there's something I'd rather."
Severus nodded, hoping that he would be able to do what pleased Lupin despite his lack of experience. He was confident that Lupin would give him every help, every encouragement. What a strange feeling, to have such faith, after a life of being taught there was no trust possible.
Impulsively he leaned the inch or so closer and licked the thread of his own come from the corner of Lupin's mouth.
"Ah, Severus," Lupin breathed. "How about that bed of yours? I don't think we can either of us stand for long."
They helped each other to their feet, then Severus bent to retrieve his wand.
"Yes," Lupin muttered, as if his consciousness of the need for security had also returned.
Though Lupin had abandoned his wand as readily as Severus had done, he too knew exactly where it was.
Severus whisked the bedclothes down with his wand, then they set the wands on the single bedside table beside the broad bed and faced each other for a moment. Lupin scrambled up on to the bed and Severus followed with an equal lack of grace.
Lupin said, urgent now, "Want to fuck you, but not against the door, or on the floor either, not for your first time."
So it was that obvious. Severus felt a faint thrill of anxiety, but his curiosity and need for whatever Lupin would give was much stronger.
"Lie down, Severus – no, face up, I want to see you."
Severus bit his lip, but at once Lupin's hands brushed over his mouth, discouraging that expression of uncertainty.
"I'll take it slow. Didn't I tell you I'd never hurt you? Then later you might like to take a turn at doing me."
Lupin didn't say, If we have time, though the thought must have been there, as oppressive to him as to Severus. Whatever they had would be everything, and what more could there be?
Severus lay down and spread his legs. Lupin moved between, but he seemed in no hurry, despite his cock's continuing urgency, bobbing against his belly. He bent to kiss Severus's chest, kissing down to his navel and then along the thin line of hair that led down to the thick curls around Severus's cock. His hands found Severus's nipples and began tweaking them, gently enough, but with purpose rather than in play. Once Lupin moved up his body again, Severus reached for him and managed to mirror his actions; Lupin's languid murmur told him he was welcome. Severus was pleased to find Lupin's nipples were as sensitive as his own, and tightened his grip, twisting slightly.
"Riiight!" Lupin breathed, and moved down and out of his hands again, to make his warm breath shiver over Severus's cock, encouraging it as much as the kisses and touches.
Lupin moved suddenly and nipped at the tender skin over his hipbone, and Severus gasped and lifted up involuntarily. Lupin's hands slid under his thighs and urged them up and further apart. Severus put his hands behind his knees and drew his legs further up, exposing his arsehole and crack.
"That's it, yes!"
He expected Lupin's fingers to open him, or even his cock to thrust in at once. He wasn't sure how this worked, though the latter felt like a bad idea. What he received, instead, was Lupin's tongue sliding from behind his balls, up his arsecrack, and Severus hissed as his whole body tightened in shock and, yes, in pleasure.
By the time Lupin took his tongue away from the little hole he had been lavishing licks and kisses on, Severus was past the shock and deep in the pleasure. He whined hopefully, wanting it to return.
Instead he felt Lupin's magic-slicked finger pushing in past the relaxed muscle, followed almost at once by two more, together. That burned, but he was too much at ease to flinch or tense. After a minute or so of those fingers sliding in and out, going deeper on each stroke, moving at a slightly different angle each time, Severus wanted more. There was something just out of reach, something building... Then one of Lupin's fingers brushed a spot that made him groan deeply as lightning connected his arse and cock and nipples and his dizzy brain.
"Again! More!" Severus demanded, with all the arrogance he could summon.
Lupin obligingly did it again, and demonstrated an ability to keep doing it.
"You're ready, or as ready as I can make you," Lupin gasped. "Has to be now, can't wait longer, Severus... Sorry, sorry!"
He reached sideways and grabbed his wand, pointing it with an indistinct mutter of spells at Severus, who felt himself filled with the same slick oil that had coated Lupin's fingers. He wasn't so far gone in excitement that he wasn't glad of it, dimly aware of the need.
The blunt head of Lupin's cock replaced his fingers and pressed in, but despite the slow pace the thrust didn't end until Lupin was deep inside, and Severus could feel his balls pressed against his own arse. The burn had returned, with a vengeance, but Severus knew, now, what would follow, and soon after Lupin began to thrust steadily, filling him, retreating, returning once more, the burn went and the lightning came back, shocking him with intolerable joy at each stroke.
He had thought he wouldn't come again so soon, couldn't be roused after being pleasured so completely, but the heat and tension had been building, his balls were tight up against his body, ready to drive him to a second orgasm, and the urge to take his hand to his cock, to have it now, now, was almost overwhelming.
"Lupin, touch me! I want, need..."
Lupin seized on his cock and pumped it, hard, and sped up his strokes into Severus's arse, pounding now, and it was all Severus wanted and needed. Severus came, feeling his hot seed splashing on his belly and chest. As the tension sublimed into ease he felt Lupin come too, felt the heat and wet flood his arse, but more strongly felt Lupin's own tension exploding into satisfaction.
He let himself drift in that warm sea of content, not caring that all Lupin's weight was on him, until his spine began to protest and his legs to cramp. Then he sighed, and moved to the shore, slowly letting his thighs down, relaxing his knees, letting his weight down onto the mattress, feeling Lupin's softened cock slipping from his arse as his change of position forced Lupin's withdrawal.
Lupin sighed too, and moved off him, but only far enough that they could lie side by side.
"I've wanted you so long," Lupin murmured, and dropped his head onto Severus's shoulder, cuddling up without shame or shyness.
Severus didn't need to ask if it had been good. Uncertainty, insecurity, were things of the past in this moment, in his bed with Lupin in his arms.
"So now you have me. As I have you." A moment's jealousy surfaced; he added, "I won't share you."
Lupin laughed huskily. "Yours only," he said, "for all of time, for ever. God, Severus, I waited long enough. Would I let you go now?"
"Whatever else you are," Severus said agreeably, "you're not stupid, or not often."
"Not about this. Not about you."
There could not be much time left. It didn't matter. The business of the day, of the world, had to be seen to; they would both do all they could, give all the world needed from them. In each other, they had everything, and what more could there be, however long or short "always" was?