|yule_balls_mod (yule_balls_mod) wrote in hp_yule_balls,|
@ 2008-12-15 00:23:00
|Entry tags:||2008, character: remus lupin, character: sirius black, fic, pairing: remus/sirius|
Fic: Give Thanks for Cock (Remus/Sirius, NC-17) for plotting_pen
Title: Give Thanks for Cock
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.
Summary: Remus comes home to the flat to quite a surprise.
Warnings: Object penetration, slash, Turkeys, flippancy with American culture and stereotypical misconceptions of foreign holidays, American weirdness and just general crack.
Word Count: 2,892
Author's Notes: I'm not sure where this came from plotting_pen. But I read your prompts and BOOM: this insanity came out. These are the prompts I took are as follows: sex at the foot of the bed, unconventional sex, secret, happy ending, humour, mild angst, teenage crush, chocolate brownies, cats and unfortunate but delightful circumstances. I hope you enjoy this, plotting_pen. A big thanks to my beta S, who is by far the BOMB. Thanks to the mods for their excellent work and for putting on the fest!
Remus stared in horror.
Horror turned quickly to shock and slight cardiac arrest when Remus heard clucking. There was clucking in his flat. Not Sirius-had-a-very-Sirius-hair-mishap, but a dear-fucking-Merlin-there-is-an-animal IN MY FLAT sort of clucking. So, Remus shut the door because the last time Sirius let an animal loose in their very Muggle flat Mrs. Robinson from 4B woke up with a talking Kneazle on her bureau. He was still getting harassed by some of the Order members by his frantic Floo call. (But honestly, could he be blamed when Sirius had rushed in to save the Kneazle and alter Mrs. Robinson's memory, only to slip on the puddle of holy water the old woman was trying to drown the cat in and simultaneously calling her priest for an exorcism. Not to mention Sirius' want. Mrs. Robinson has never really been the same since.)
The entire den was decorated in a myriad of orange and browns, including the sofa which seemed to have a make-shift slip cover in a very Native American pattern. The walls and every other surface imaginable were covered with gourds, inflatable turkeys, dried corn husks, and various pipes and animal skins that he supposed were meant to represent the Native American culture.
And of course, there was a real, live and most certainly clucking turkey sitting on Remus' favourite chair.
"Pilgrim Remus!" Remus cringed and turned away from the turkey which, for the record, seemed to be eyeing him for some sort of revenge for letting Sirius loose on it, to look at Sirius. Sirius, who was dressed in full "Indian" apparel, from his moccasin clad feet up his loin cloth covered legs, to the beads that were draped rather suggestively over his groin, to the white-bone plate over his chest and, of course, who could miss the giant headdress, outrageous feathers included.
"Please explain and quickly." Remus sighed, ignoring the dark brown leather wrapped tightly around Sirius' neck. It was not turning Remus on because he was not attracted to ridiculousness, or at least Remus promised himself that he wouldn't be attracted to Sirius when he was being insane. He was allowed to be in love with Sirius when he was being insane, but not attracted because it always got Remus into trouble when they were in school.
"It's Turkey Day in America! And you're always on my tits about embracing other cultures. So, for dinner tonight, I am Dog Star of the Waning Moon and you are Sir Pilgrim Remus."
"You are not respecting my native cultural name, Sir Pilgrim Remus. I am not above skinning your- well, whatever I skin. I skin with vigour!"
He was leering. Who the hell can leer successfully while simultaneously speaking about human skinning? Apparently, Dog Star of the Waning Moon.
"I'm not sure what should scare me more; your bizarre, sudden infatuation with the American's Thanksgiving holiday or the actual turkey in the den."
Sirius grinned and Remus tried not to relax at the easy way Sirius seemed to seep into him and take the general insanity out of the situation that was terribly ridiculous and not sexy in the least, except what situation wasn't sexy when Sirius was involved?. Remus moved a bit towards Sirius and allowed himself to wrap his hand around Sirius' tan bicep. The skin was smooth and warm, even though it was bare. Remus smiled up at a blushing Sirius, who shifted back and forth on his moccasins. Remus wondered if Sirius had bothered with pants or if he was dressed true to the Native American traditions.
"Why am I the Pilgrim?"
Sirius snorted. "Because Pilgrims wear cardigans and you my dear Moony, are wearing a cardigan at this very moment. And, I look naturally savage on any given day. You're only savage once a month."
The clucking interrupted any clever retort Remus might have.
How could he have forgotten the fucking clucking?
"Ol' Washington doesn't like to be left out." Sirius moved across the space to the chair where the large and hateful bird was lurking and fanning his feathers with malice.
"What the hell kind of Londoner are you?"
Sirius stroked the gobble of the large turkey and it purred. Remus glared, adjusted his cardigan and moved into the kitchen to check the oven. It smelled delicious and it made Remus smile with a small bit of pride. No matter how much Sirius liked to argue how he was simply a straight man with a gay man's libido, his flame certainly did burn bright in the kitchen.
"Washington and I would appreciate it if you put on the rest of your Pilgrim uniform, Sir Pilgrim Remus."
Remus looked away from the cooking stiffening in the oven to raise both of his eyebrows at Sirius and Washington.
"And what, pray tell, is the rest of my costume?"
Sirius stayed silent but pointed towards the small dinning room table, which was practically covered in gourds. Where did Sirius find gourds? Remus didn't want to ask because it was likely that Mundungus was involved (he was always involved). But underneath all the gourds and quite a few corn husks was a very tall, black hat with a wide, round brim and Remus spotted a huge, gold buckle.
"Hoooow! Not my name, Sir Pilgrim Remus."
"Is that a buckle?"
Sirius grinned and then pouted slightly, just enough to make Remus forget about the hateful turkey sitting in his chair and consider putting on the hat, if there was something about this fucking charade that he would get in return.
The hat was smooth wool in his hand as he turned to Sirius who had moved away from the cooing bird (and yes Washington was fucking cooing) and towards Remus. His skin glowed in the candlelight. As he approached the red and white of the costume contrasting against his olive skin made Remus' knees a little weak and he fingered the gold buckle on the front of the hat.
Sirius licked his lips.
"I'll make you a deal," Remus whispered as Sirius advanced. "If I give in to this charade or fetish or secret role playing fantasy you have, then I get to fuck you any way I want. No limitations."
Sirius stopped and Remus took care to take in the generous bulge in Sirius' loin cloth and the way his bone-clad chest rose in quick and tantalizing breaths. Remus looked back at Sirius' face and noticed the blush. Over the years, Remus had been able to recognize the flush of arousal to the blush of embarrassment. It had been a game at Hogwarts that Remus used to play to distract himself from his need to act on his feelings. Instead, he would sit around and memorize Sirius' true reactions, rehearsed reactions and the little discrepancies between the two. Remus' ability to read Sirius was the only reason they had gotten together in the end. And now, Sirius was most certainly embarrassed, which meant the hat wasn't a game, but maybe more of a fetish or a roleplay fantasy. It didn't really matter which. It all ended with Remus getting exactly what he wanted. Even if it meant wearing a hat that made him look like a disgruntled English pilgrim.
"What say you, Dog Star of the Waning Moon?" Remus raised his eyebrows and ran his hand over the shiny buckle again, watching Sirius' eyes follow every move of his fingers. The sight of his embarrassed cheeks and raging erection made Remus hot and his grip on the hat tightened.
"Put the hat on."
Remus smirked and slid the hat onto his head until it came to his ears and his hair fell into his face.
"Did you make pumpkin pie?"