FIC for: curia_regis 3/3 Title: Black Innocence Recipient:curia_regis Author/Artist: silveredaccents (LJ) Rating: HARD R Warnings: inappropriate nearly incestuous thoughts, graphic descriptions of torture, blood-play Summary: Regulus recounts his own history of the Black family and his aspirations to be a Death Eater beginning when Sirius leaves. Notes: This story took on such a life of its own! I hope you enjoy it! My Blacks always have inappropriate relationships, but doing that with Regulus spending most of this fic underage was difficult. However, I hope I satisfied your desire for Blackcest given that I managed to avoid chan.
Three parts instead of two because I could not in good conscience break it only once given the story line.
Thanks to my wonderful betas for helping and Brit-picking it!
I was pacing. I force my feet to still, only to begin bouncing on the balls of my feet. After Bella's wedding, she had come over several times, mostly to speak with me, to give me final prepping for my big night. She'd called it my debut and had preened over me as if I were a debutante at a coming of age party. I supposed this wasn't all that different.
Taking a deep breath, I allow my feet to resume their pacing. Mentally, I go over what to expect. She'd talked to me earlier, letting me know everything I was to expect. Well, I still doubt that, but I know she'd told me everything she could.
When the door opens, I'm not surprised to see two cloaked and masked figures waiting for me. They lead me down a series of corridors with practiced ease. My first thought is that this must be a regular meeting place for them to know it so well.
The main chamber overshadows the small number gathered in the room. The figure who was standing at the place of honour to the right of the throne steps down and towards me. Bella. I try to keep my breathing regular, though that itself takes nearly all my concentration. Instead, I focuse on the throne itself, bowing as my escort bade me.
"Regulus Black," a high tenor voice hisses. "You have come here to join the ranks of the elite." He pauses, and I hold my tongue, despite the sudden overwhelming urge to speak, to spill all my insecurities before the Dark Lord. Yet, Bella had warned me of this. I know to breathe and focus now on the floor before Him.
After what seems an interminable silence, He speaks again, and I can almost fancy there was amusement in his voice. "Who dares tell me this boy is ready for our ranks?"
Bella kneels next to me, and I follow suit quickly, mimicking her perfectly.
"I, my Lord."
Love for my cousin swells in my soul as she vouches for my readiness. She herself had been my tutor, as He had been hers. Now, she was willing to tell Him, our Lord, that the youngest Black was ready and able to take on the mantle of the adult. My rite of passage was underway.
I feel him nod, or perhaps it is the invasion into my mind that makes it so. He is everywhere.
You have a curious loyalty to your cousin, young Black.
I try not to clamp down. To block Him, to attempt to hide anything from Him now would be death. I try to keep my mind open.
If it had been for any other, I would tell you never to speak to her again. Though for her, I can make this exception.
With that, He withdraws. I hadn't needed confirmation of my cousin's place in His court. I saw it when she had stepped down towards me. Still, knowing He held her loyalty in such regard as to make an exception for her was quite literally breathtaking.
Bella stands up, but I remained where I am with a gentle touch on my shoulder. I hear the swishing of robes and my left arm juts out, palm up, of its own accord. He doesn't speak, no one does.
Pain.
I inhale sharply, breathing thankfully not requiring thought as I have none left. Every ounce of my being is focused on the excruciating pain in my left arm and the necessity of not crying out. I hear screaming, wincing inside at my weakness until I feel arms bring me up and Bella hugging me tightly.
"You did it!" she whispers, her lips kissing my ear as she does.
When she pulls away, I identify the sound as the cheers from those present. I look at my arm, and feel whole as I see the marred flesh. This is right. This is what I had spent the last few years working toward. I am a Death Eater.
I raise my head enough to meet hers then and smile proudly. I, Regulus Black, have restored honour to our name. Bella and I would wreak vengeance upon those who dared to offend our family, and we would do it with His blessing.
The Beginning of the End
Becoming a Death Eater opened more doors for me than I had ever imagined existed. We Blacks had always had a penchant for charms, and I quickly showed myself an avid student. I found that though Rodolphus, I had access to an entirely new library of Dark Arts books. It seemed there had been some value to the marriage after all. That I was Bella's pupil and beloved cousin saved me a great deal of the usual back-stabbing that seemed to run rampant through the ranks.
In the months that followed my Marking, I learned more about the Dark Arts than I ever imagined existed, devouring every book that came my way. I headed back to Hogwarts that fall for the public reason of completing my education. I thought it a grand joke considering my best education had come from Bella. However, she had insisted, and what she wanted, she got. And so, I returned and pretended enthusiasm for my studies. At least, without Sirius and his friends to concern myself with, I had fewer distractions. Severus was also gone, though I saw him occasionally, and we still wrote. He'd taken the Mark shortly before I had.
Given that I was in school, I had little opportunity to prove myself truly worthy of being a Death Eater. My missions consisted of filtering coded letters between other Death Eaters in case the owls were being watched. Graduation, I was sure, would bring about freedom and opportunity.
It did.
An overly warm evening during June, I am summoned to an audience with the Dark Lord. Arriving, mask and cloak already in place, I am surprised to find myself in a graveyard. There are only three of us there, the Dark Lord, myself, and another whom I recognize to be Bellatrix immediately.
I smile, though it won't be seen, and isn't necessary to begin with. She knows I know she is there, and she is very likely the reason I have been given the honour of this meeting.
Kneeling before Him, I bend my head. The intrusion that would never quite become familiar begins anew as he probes my mind, speaking to me more in forced images than in words.
"Your cousin promises your loyalty is unquestioned." His voice falls upon me like oil, coating me with His essence, His blessing.
I pause just a second too long waiting for Bella to answer, as she usually did for me, far outranking me and therefore having authority over me.
A slight burning begins behind my eyes, startling me with its ability to pull all my thoughts from anything else. Quickly, the intensity rises until I am panting on all fours, eyes open, blinking furiously trying to get the non-existent offending particle out so that it would stop.
"What was that, boy?"
"Yes, my Lord. My loyalty is to you."
The pain eases as quickly as it began, though I do not right myself. As humiliating as it is to have been brought to this, it would only be more so if He had to push me back down. I had seen Him do just that at a meeting when a Death Eater rose too quickly after punishment.
From my position, I glance around, realizing there is only one other figure near me. Bellatrix had left.
Breath leaves me just as quickly. I am alone with him. I am in the presence of the Dark Lord, a private audience. Surely, this is far more than a simple assignment then. This is something only between the two of us. Terror and pride mingled.
"Your desire to show yourself Bella's cousin is admirable," he hisses, causing my cheeks to flush. A brief surge of jealousy rises within me, and he laughs. He called her Bella. The Dark Lord called her something intimate. "Such inappropriate jealousy from a cousin, young Black. Even her husband has not shown such protection over his own wife."
I flush deeper, knowing that any attempt at Occlumency now will only raise his ire. Far better to be the object of his amusement than his anger. Self-preservation prevails and I allow him to continue his rape. In all, I only manage to keep from him my anger that he found my love for her so entertaining. They had been private moments, little treasures that he had kept all to himself.
Such things were obviously a delicacy to the Dark Lord who played them over and over.
"I have need of your family house elf, young Black."
"Yes, of course, my Lord!" I offere eagerly. Whatever this task is, it is enough to keep him from plunging Himself more fully into my mind. The relief nearly leaves me weeping.
"Then you will send him to me immediately."
I nod, wanting to ask why He had asked me. Surely Kreacher would have obeyed Bella's order to attend the Dark Lord. Could He not have wanted her to know? Was she not His most trusted?
All such questions remain unasked, however, as I stand, bowing before Apparating home. The Dark Lord wanted Kreacher, and He would have him. It was an honour beyond compare.
Kreacher, of course, is all too happy to do any favour for his beloved 'Master Regulus.' I am sad to see him go, and order him to return once the task was over, though I hold out little hope he would.
Still, my loyal servant blubbers and bows, honoured in part or in all because I was.
It is only after he left that I allowed myself to wonder fully if he will ever return. If the price of my loyalty to Bella was to be my confidante of Kreacher.
And the World Crumbles
I am staring at the fixings required to make the sandwich I wanted without any real inclination of making it myself. It isn't that I am incapable of it, though there is that. It is quite simply the determination that I would wait for Kreacher to return. Resolved, I sit down at the table, staring at the bread and meats from across the table.
My eyes burn, and my head swims slightly from boredom and the repeated attempt to focus solely on the sandwich that stubbornly refused to make itself. I have no idea how long has passed, though each breath makes me question more and more for what it had been that the Dark Lord needed a house elf. I remain where I am, wood causing indentations in my back as I slump, very undignified and hardly befitting a Black.
Kreacher has been stolen from me due to pride. He has been taken because I had dared to put Bella above the Dark Lord. I know this to be the case. I know it is my fault. I know what happened to those who defied Him. I had seen the results of it as others had writhed in pain, or filled only their own minds with silent screams as He tortured and killed those nearest to them.
Now, my love for my cousin, my adoration and loyalty are being punished with as much relish as they had been encouraged. Does Bella know? Has she realised what would happen? No, she can't have. Surely she would have warned me. Surely she would have been willing to discourage that behaviour.
Yes, Bella would not have known where it would lead. She must have believed, as he had, that so long as she was His second, my loyalty to her would never cause issue.
A crack wakes me from my reverie, and I look around to see what I had broken. Kreacher is there, panting, drenched, and looking some awful colour several shades duskier than his usual wretched appearance.
I don't remember moving, though I know I did not Apparate to his side.
"Kreacher?"
In response, the creature only opens and closes his mouth making small sounds reminiscent of a fish attempting to breathe out of water.
Upon closer inspection, and far closer proximity, I realise that is indeed what he is asking for. I conjure glass after glass watching him down each with equal abandon until we have repeated the pattern several times.
"Kreacher?" I ask, only after he seemed to return to something of his normal blubbering self.
"Master Regulus is too kind."
I shake my head, "No." No, I'm not. I had sent him off, knowing full well that he might not have returned to me. I had done it to prove a lie, that my loyalty to the Dark Lord outweighed my loyalty to my family. The only thing that had saved me was that at the time I had agreed, I hadn't realised it was a lie.
"Kreacher, what happened?"
His colouring pales again, and he begins shivering, lying half in my arms too weak for propriety. I conjure another glass, though set it down when he shakes his head at me.
"Kreacher, I order you to tell me what happened."
The order seems to calm him, and he immediately begins spewing forth the sordid tale. I feel cold seep into my bones as he tells me, losing myself in the horror into which I had sent him. Perhaps in self-defense, my mind only locked onto specific details. A locket. A basin. Inferi. A cave.
Kreacher had no conclusions to offer me, though I asked him the tale over and over, making careful note of all details he could give me no matter how insignificant they seemed at the time.
Whatever this locket had meant, it was important, secret enough to not trust anyone to its location. It was obvious He'd meant for Kreacher to die there in that cave, drowned by the weight of the Inferi pulling him down into the lake. Even the Dark Lord's beloved Bella wasn't to be privy to this.
That understanding shocked me more than the rest of the conclusions to which I had come. Bella didn't know.
The Dark Lord was willing to destroy our house elf, and likely thought we would consider it an honour, which I had, until I realised it was also a punishment. We were not fully loyal.
The prospect was frightening. If this was how He treated His most loyal, then whatever would become of us if I could not hide my feelings for Bella? Did He even care about us? Were we even important enough for Him to see us as more than pawns in a chess game?
No!
I was not merely a pawn, nor was Bella. She was a queen, and though I was little more than her knight, I would not see this man undo my family in his quest.
I send Kreacher to his closet roughly. For the first time in several years, I was thinking of the Dark Lord as anything other than a saviour. The complete change surprised me, perhaps even more than his treatment of Kreacher.
Looking down at my arm, I sigh. Maybe I had been too hasty. Maybe there I could have found someone else to follow. No, it was always Bella. As she had chosen him, so did I. He just wasn't worth it. Not anymore.
I had to get my traitorous thoughts under control before I could be summoned again. I had to be able to appear the perfectly chastised subject.
And I had to find out what was more important to the Dark Lord than my family.
Secrets
It never ceases to amaze me how easily Occlumency comes to our family. Of course, we had been taught the basics of it from our cradles. Seventeen years of study would make nearly anyone an expert.
I never fancied myself better at Occlumency though than the Dark Lord was at Legilimency. I simply gave him no reason to probe my mind further. Having spent most of my childhood as the second son gave me an intimate understanding of how to remain in the woodwork and still consider myself worthy of distinction.
If he notices the change tonight, I imagine he thinks it simply a natural consequence of having been reminded of my place. Which it is. He just doesn't realise that said place is as the defender of the Black family, from all poor influences.
Thankfully, fear is a convenient mask, and far more effective than even the silver one I bore when on mission. He never gave it a second glance, and the other Death Eaters towed the line more clearly once the rumours began that not even being the treasured cousin of his most faithful had been enough to protect me from punishment for some slight or other. I didn't correct them. It was safer for Bella that way.
"Reg," she asks, catching me before I can Apparate after the meeting. It has only been hours since I left Kreacher at the house. From the look in her eyes, I know she's noticed I am no longer reaching for the spotlight.
I hug her, giving every impression that things are the same as always, though I think she sees through that because the look she gives me clearly says she was considering my head in her lap again.
"Anything you want to tell me?"
So much, I want to say. I want to share with her all my fears, my misgivings, how I'd begun doing research on the Dark Lord, trying to understand where he was taking us.
How I realised he was using all of us for his own maniacal ends that had little to do with blood purity.
I shake my head, "I just wanted to make sure everyone knew I was gaining my rank by merit," I smile through the lie. When had I learned to lie to her? Part of my heart breaks, scarring over my loyalty to the Dark Lord quickly. He was separating me from my beloved cousin, and for that, I would not forgive him. No one had separated us, no one had ever come between us, until him.
"So I thought that after my special assignment, I'd prove it was his favour that I was currying, and that we Blacks were highly prized because of who we were and what we could do, not because we're simply family."
I watched her eyes darken as I began my speech, then as I delivered the last bit, they sparkled again.
"Oh, Reg, you don't have to worry what those lowly fools think. You are, and have always been worthy of His adoration and special favour."
Perhaps it is because I had never before lied to her that she seems to accept it as truth. I thank whatever power it is that had given me the ability to protect her from this. Her unwavering loyalty to her lord and master, her faith in her private tutor should never be shaken. No matter my own misgivings, I will not burden her with them.
I chuckle, "Yes, well, then the gloating will be that much sweeter when they realise they can't compare with our magnificence."
She strokes my cheek, and I return the favour. Her skin is soft against my hand, far more luxurious than silk would have been. Closing my eyes, I pray to Circe and Merlin and anyone else who will listen that my misgivings are unfounded, that I will find again her faith in the Dark Lord and believe in him the way she does.
I know it won't.
Leaning down, I kiss her gently on the cheek, though this time, due to accident, intent, or some subconscious need to be close to her, the corners of our mouths touch.
Reluctantly, I pull away, finally understanding the reason I had been singled out by the Dark Lord. I smile at her, flashing my best Black grin. She laughs, the sound brightening my night and lightening the mood.
"I had best go," she glances briefly behind her where the Dark Lord is waiting. "He's honouring our family more. We get to hide another horcrux. Think of it, Reg, we are protecting the things that keep our Lord immortal."
I take her hands in mine, kissing each in turn to hide my surprise at the information she's just given me. Horcrux. She might not have known before, or maybe she did, but now, I knew what it was Kreacher had aided in hiding.
Immortal. The bloody madman was immortal. That's what he was doing, using my family, my relatives, to safeguard the means to his immortality. He was using us and had no care for us.
I kiss her cheek once more, stroking my thumb against her cheekbone one last time.
"Go, I should not keep you waiting."
"I'll visit you soon," she offers. I accept, and it is a lovely lie, and maybe it will let her sleep once she discovers I am gone. Maybe anger will keep despair at bay.