Summersmut Mod (summersmutmod) wrote in hp_summersmut, @ 2009-08-02 00:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009, fic |
[FIC] Green :: James/Lily, Sirius/James? | gift for imisstheobvious
Title: Green
Recipient: imisstheobvious
Pairing: James/Lily, Sirius/James?
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1,300
Warnings: Infidelity, maybe.
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: The green-eyed monster raises its ugly head, and makes Lily imagine things. Or is it only imagination?
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta.
I hear the Floo and rush to the living-room to answer, but James beats me to it. When I arrive, he’s already laughing, and I know that Sirius is at the other end.
He only laughs like that for Sirius. It’s a loud, uninhibited laugh, which seems to be induced by the mere sound of Sirius's voice. Well, I can’t see any other reason: surely Sirius hasn't had time to tell James any of his off-color jokes yet.
It isn't the way you’d laugh at a joke, anyway. It’s laughter that comes from the heart. James isn’t amused, he is just happy. Like he always is when Sirius is around.
Much happier than when he is with me.
Oh, yes, of course I’m the love of his life, he tells me. I’m the only woman he ever wanted to marry, he says.
He made that clear: he pursued me for years before I gave in and admitted that, behind my hostile facade, I fancied him, too. He made a fool of himself in front of the whole school, asking me out on dates and cringing when I spurned him again and again.
The other girls thought I was crazy for rejecting him, the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a good-looking, self-assured pureblood, scion of one of the old families. I played up to them, acting hard to get, calling him names and, inside, feeling like I was a queen. James Potter, the one everyone wanted, wanted only me.
How could I ever have suspected that the boy who swore he couldn't live without me, who made love to me so ardently, was bisexual? I almost died when he told me he'd "had an experience or two" with men, the same day he proposed to me, a couple of months after we left school. He assured me he loved me, and wanted me to marry him, but he didn't want to keep anything from me. There should be no secrets between us, he said, insinuating, but not asking upfront, that I should come clean, too. I assumed he wanted to know if I’d had a fling with Severus. Well, I was a virgin before James, so he knew we couldn’t have gone very far, but I suppose he was curious to find out whether Severus had kissed me, or touched my breasts.
I was so shocked by his admission that when he asked if he was my first serious boyfriend, I said, almost absent-mindedly, “Yes, you are.” He frowned, but then I asked him with whom he'd had his “experience or two”, and he shrugged, saying, "Not important."
Unfortunately, he said that a little too quickly, and with a deep blush. I immediately suspected it was someone I knew. Coyly, forcing a smile, I offered, "Was it Remus?"
He laughed at the suggestion. "Remus? He's straight as an arrow. And so's Peter," he added.
"And, of course, so's Sirius," I laughed, relieved that it wasn't any of his mates. That would have been uncomfortable, since I knew I was sort of marrying the four of them.
With a glint in his eyes, he shook his head. "No, Sirius is gay."
I froze. I could have accepted Remus or Peter, but not Sirius. Sirius was...too much. Too good-looking, too charming, too...
Too much of a threat.
I averted my eyes. I didn't want to look at James at that moment, because I was terrified that I’d see the truth, that all the time he was wooing me, he was fucking Sirius. And I was sure there must have been a lot more than one or two experiences, even though they did share a dorm with their two straight mates. Sirius and James were inseparable, joined at the hip, and Sirius was living with James's parents then, so obviously they’d had plenty of opportunity to get together.
I didn't want to know. I shrugged and changed the subject, complimenting the food, although it suddenly tasted foul. The wine turned to vinegar, thin and sour, and the glittering diamond ring he slid onto my finger looked as fake as a cheap bauble.
Afterwards, when he took me home, he came up to my flat and kissed me. He told me again and again that he loved me, and then took me to bed. His touch, which normally made me shiver with pleasure, was not enough that night. He kissed my breasts, and I closed my eyes and saw him kissing Sirius. He entered me and I imagined how it had been with him and Sirius – who had fucked who then?
He came, whispering my name and telling me how happy he was that I had agreed to marry him and have a family. I lay there, combing his hair with my fingers, trying to believe that he really did love me, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But I was unable to dismiss the nagging thought that he was looking for a breeder rather than a wife, someone to have his children, the Potter heirs, the only thing Sirius couldn't give him.