Title: Number 12, Grimmauld Place (Appearing Hallowe'en Night Only) Pairing: Bill/Tonks, Sirius Rating: Light R (for frank discussion) Warnings: Naughty talk, and Bill wishes someone had warned him about Tonks back in school, but even he knows it's pointless now. Poor bloke. Summary: On Hallowe'en night, Tonks wants to reveal Number 12, Grimmauld Place to the Muggles so that she and Sirius can have a bit of fun with the poor, befuddled non-magical humans. Bill resists, but he never could much resist Dora Tonks. Notes: Despite the fact I had to delete a ton of words, I had a great deal of fun writing this. Takes place during Order of the Phoenix, when Harry's safely away at school, so it's risky, but only to grown ups, Tonks insists.
"We cannot remove the Cloaking Spell on the house for Hallowe'en." Bill admonished Tonks.
"Oh it'll be fun!"
"It will not be fun when Moody mounts my bollocks on the wall beside those house-elves' heads!"
"Which is why we won't be telling him, moron!"
"The Muggles will be talking about the mysterious house that magically appeared on Hallowe'en, don't you think?"
"Oh, I hope so! Just think of the ghost stories they will be telling about this!" Tonks squeaked with excitement.
"If they come inside next year, they can tell stories about the spectacular penis mounted on the wall."
"Spectacular? Really? You think highly of yourself."
"And that's what you picked to be wrong with that statement? I'm not doing this. It's too risky."
Tonks sighed. "I'll give you a blow job and let you make the ghostly sounds to scare any Muggles brave enough to come to the door."
Sirius spoke up from the kitchen. "No way! I already called ghostly sounds."
"Then I get to tell Charlie I fucked you in the arse. Deal?"
"Fine." Tonks began lifting the wards. "You should have held out for more than just telling, Billy-boy." She winked.