HARRY STORMS OUT!
An investigative report by Orla Quirke.
Harry Potter stormed out on a distraught Draco Malfoy after tensions over their recent custody battle exploded yet again. Surrounded by bewildered and embarrassed diners in a noted Diagon restaurant, Draco broke down in tears and insiders fear that any hope of a reconciliation between the star-crossed lovers is finally doomed. Draco was forced to gather the children Harry had left behind amidst complaints about his foul public language and hurry away himself.
Our readers have long been concerned about the effect on little Lily Weasley, 3, of the tug-of-love between Harry, Draco and Lily's father Ronald Weasley, now declared a Rogue Auror. With Ronald now surely destined for prison, who can save Lily from the fallout from this volatile affair? Friends of the Weasley family have begun to hint that it was the split with Harry and the fight over his little girl that really drove Ronald to violent madness. Lily, whose mother, Hermione Granger, died in the last war, is now parent-less, but custody rests with Harry. Can he control himself long enough to take care of her?
Insiders are concerned about the effect of yet another explosion on both children caught up in the bizzare situation produced by Harry's on again off again obsession with Draco. Harry went so far in front of this reporter to declare that Draco's infant son Scorpius Malfoy, rather than Lily, was his child. Ministry records include Scorpius's name on the list of infants born in June last year, but contain no entry under his mother's name. This investigative reporter will do her best to discover what became of the poor woman and what she thinks of the bizarre way he is growing up.
But Draco's friends and family are just as worried about the effects on him. Estranged from his parents as a teenager during the second Voldemort war, Draco turned for affection and support to his teacher, notorious spy and now Hogwarts Headmaster, Severus Snape. Despite the oddity of the relationship, which included a fantastical gypsy wedding in 2005, insiders say it was quiet and uneventful until Harry Potter came along, sweeping Draco off his feet and destroying the "marriage".
Inside sources say Draco has been obsessed ever since with trying to feed the insatiable need for family that has driven our poor Harry since his childhood and to stop him running off. First he claimed little Lily, despite being a noted supporter of pureblood lines, and then mysteriously added little Scorpius, now almost 9 months. To make things worse, Draco's one support, Headmaster Snape, has been seriously ill for many months and confined to his home. Trapped in a house with his young "husband" and the lover he can't give up, it is unclear how long he can hold onto the important role of Headmaster. Hogwarts representatives declined to comment, but one source on the Board admitted that the relationship between the Headmaster and Draco had already been investigated and that they were now even more concerned about the latest publicity. "It cannot be good for the school," she said, "and that is our priority".
News of Harry and Draco's latest reconciliation was only hours old when they were spotted in this latest public battle by a passing freelance photographer, Bernard Salt, 24. Mr Salt revealed that he was shocked when Harry threatened him if he took a picture. "The look in his eyes, I knew I'd be dead if I tried it. But if you ask me those kids looked miserable. The little girl was so excited by seeing me, even though she didn't know me I thought she was going to jump into my arms."
Prompted by Mr Salt and his concerns, this reporter set out to find the truth and was also threatened by Harry, who took immediate steps to ensure The Daily Prophet would not print this expose. Undaunted, I looked further.
Sources recently working at Lake Cottage, the small house in Scotland where Harry and Draco live with the children and Headmaster Snape, say the situation is even more volatile than public fights in restaurants suggest. Athough he asked to remain anonymous to protect himself from Harry's famous temper, one employee noted that Harry and Draco veer between furious screaming matches and steamy secret rendesvous in whatever corner of the property they think Headmaster Snape won't catch them. Our source describe them as "like perverted teenagers" and admitted that he felt "really sorry for Snape, even though he was a bit of an old buzzard at school. No one deserves that." He added that the place was full of animals as well, including a crazed firebird that attacks people at random.
Will Harry Potter never find any peace? What good can come of this situation? With pleas to end the madness coming from family and friends in all directions we can only hope that Harry finds the courage we all know he has and does the decent thing and the best thing for two small motherless children.