The Dungeons

With our warmest wishes, a wonderful April 1 to all of you. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow, and long into the future!

All the best,
( Fred and George Weasley )

---

Weasley's Wizard Wheezes - wow, a wobbling wart on your whatsis! What a woeful wedding of the weird and the the worrisome...

Darling,

I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know I'll be a little late in joining you this afternoon. I've got a meeting with Farley down at the publishing offices, and it's vitally important we go over the new contract and get it filed today.

I've left you some warm breakfast in the oven, and there's coffee on the counter, if you'd like some.

Owl me when Wort comes home, will you?

Merlin, I hope I don't miss her arrival.

I love you dearly,
Remus

Princess Lily,

You know that I don't care at all what Harry or Severus or any of the Weasley clan have to say about it, but I am expecting to see you at Hogwarts this afternoon, or at least at some point in the course of the evening. I am quite sure that you would have more fun almost anywhere else with your friends, and I for one think it's completely reasonable that you would rather do so.

What I do care about, however, is the look of things. And what is the point of a Hogwarts reunion for me if I cannot appear there with my splendidly elegant, if wildly disdainful, daughter? Also, you know that Harry will be more tedious than the entire remainder of the party could possibly be all together, and will assume it is all my fault for indulging you as always. And given that this is an occasion where he and Severus and I will all be in the same place for hours on end... I do not have to be more explicit I am sure. So I fully expect you to be there as proof of your protective devotion to me, ready to save me from a night of misery and at best silent accusation.

And perhaps a few small novelties will amuse you, not all of which are contained in the little box on my desk which is waiting to offered to you the moment I next see you. I won't spoil all the surprises but if I am right several people whom you haven't seen for years and vastly enjoy will be there. You always have had the most eclectic taste in people. And there's another benefit as well. How often do you get to fulfil all those tedious family duties in one evening?

All these things are more than enough to bring you promptly, I am sure. But if there is some particularly delightful event proffered by younger and prettier people than I you should remember that Scorpius will be very disappointed if you do not make an appearance. You are the only one who can tempt him - or encourage him perhaps - to be at all sociable. If you do not come you know he will simply find a corner and hide there with a book until it's all over.

If you wish to really please me, and I'm sure you do, you'll come to the Manor for lunch and then go with me to meet Scorpius when classes break for the festivities. I'm sure Harry wants you to do something with him but I clearly have the greater need. You know how I feel having to pass among the Gryffindors to collect my only son. It's a mortification for which only you can compensate me, my little snake. I am depending on you.

Love always,
Draco

(Letterhead notepaper reading BBC TWO, Wales, Astral Plane Weekly: When You Need Tomorrow's News Today)

My darling Dexter,

I have just arrived at the studio (...I have three guests from the Beyond scheduled for today's programme; it's all terribly exciting!)

Diefer promised faithfully to see to it that Delanne and Delene are made presentable before allowing them to attend the picnic. Your uncle has, as arranged, taken Desiree and Desmond with him for the morning, although I do wish he'd let me know what he intended to do with them. Sometimes I fear that his notion of "something nice" is not precisely the same as my own.

Do try to pop back for a bit this afternoon, if you get a moment. If not, though, I look forward to hearing all about your day, particularly whether the Muggle dancers are able to leap precisely in the manner you've planned for the second act. (If they run into any difficulties, remember to contact St. Mungo's first and then the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad)

As always, my love is yours, now and forever...

Your Sybill

Dear Harry --

Don't forget I have tickets to the Prides v. Wasps for today after the reunion. You, me, Remus, Scorpius -- and Artemisia! Isn't that grand? She's in from Singapore on holiday for the rest of the week! BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

Love always,

(Dogfather)

Dear Madame Fishbein,

I'm taking the rest of the day off to take Elle to the picnic at Hogwarts. We need to catch up with the nieces and nephews and all, you know. You'll find the manuscript for the article on improved breeding conditions for Lesser Norwegian Greens on my desk. The reviewers for Fewmets Quarterly both said to accept it without revisions, except for some formatting problems with the second table on shell diameter, but I got those fixed last night. Still, you might want to take a look at it.

sincerely

Charlie Weasley

Ahoy Dads! I'm busy mooring up the Marauder in Hogwarts Lake but I wanted to let you know the moment I arrived. I can't wait to see you -- it's been far too long! Come down to the picnic before I eat everything on the buffet. After six months of bak kut teh and fishballs I'm dying for a Hogwarts feast.

Tati -- wait until you see your birthday presents! And I have un-birthday presents for you too, Otek.

Love and hugs,

(Artemisia)

*footsteps*

It's a few hours, I don't like it any better than you do but it's required, and we do what is required.

Moony! Artemisia has arrived and is at the picnic. I'm going to St. Mungo's to visit Ronald before I join her, so why don't I meet you at the publisher and we'll come back to Hogwarts together.

(Pads)

Lily,

Since you've not been home in two days, I suppose I've no other choice but to owl. I don't give a damn if you're of age or not, if you want to continue to live at Smallacoombe Downs, young lady, you will inform me of your whereabouts. Do I make myself clear?

And don't think I didn't find that stash of whisky in your wardrobe either. Stop nicking my liquor or I'll charm the sideboard again. We'll talk about the cannabis on your desk when you get home.

I'm assuming you've already been summoned by Draco to the reunion this afternoon. Much as I am aware of your delight at finally escaping school last year, I expect to see you there, and with none of those hellions you call friends in tow. If not for my sake, then for your brother's. You know Scorpius prefers to be as far out of the spotlight as possible. He's that much of Severus in him, I'm afraid. And you, pumpkin, bring the spotlight everywhere you go. It's one of your charms.

Speaking of Severus, you should make more of an effort to see him. Scorpius says he's been holing himself up in his office more and more this term, and you know that's never good for his state of mind. And you've a talent for coaxing him out of his sulks. Evidently he's had more difficulties with the Board of Governors. Frankly, I think he ought to just tell them all to fuck off and hand the Headmaster position to someone else, but he won't listen to me. Not after everything.

I'm bringing Nathaniel with me tonight. I expect you to be polite to him and refrain from calling him my latest trollop like you did last week. I know he's not Draco, but he's at least someone.

I love you, Lilibet. Come keep me company tonight, will you? It's going to be a hell of day, seeing him there. I think I need a drink already. Steady my nerves and all. Don't give me that look. It's medicinal.

Love,
Daddy

P.S. Your Da said you came to see him Sunday. Thank you.
P.P.S. We'll talk about that Orla Quirke article about your ski trip last month when you get home too. And the picture. The entire damn wizarding world does not need to see your tits, Lily. You'd best be glad your Aunt Ginny hijacked your Nan's copy of Witch's Weekly.

The note is written on embossed stationery from the Office of the Deputy Minister of Magic and Minister Without Portfolio, His Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, Cabinet of the United Kingdom, the Rt. Hon. Sir H. J. Potter, KCMG

Sirius,

Given the fact that we haven't spoken in fifteen years, save through Wort and Remus, nor have you made any attempt to get to know Scorpius since you told me to fuck off, I have no damned idea why you would expect either of us to be willing to attend a Quidditch match with you. So I'm afraid I'll have to decline.

I hope your birthday is satisfactory. My love to Wort; she wrote me that she was coming home for the reunion. I hope to see her there.

Harry

Danica,

I know it's silly, but I'm worried about the ewes and since we're visiting the Owlry for a bit, I thought I'd write and see how it's going. Has the ewe that had the false labour last night progressed at all? At this rate she won't drop for another four days, the tease.

Klara

Douglas! Good, you came. I need to talk to you.

I should owl Nono. I should go visit Ron. I should walk to the shop for milk and tea; the tin's far too low. I should, I should, I should.

It's always I should.

Ilyia owled. I should take the coach's position, he says, or at least let him find a speaking engagement or agree to an interview. Everyone's curious about the reclusive Viktor Krum, after all. Fuck them. All they'll want to know is why I do it, why I wait. It appalls them and fascinates them and it's none of their fucking business.

I love him. I miss him.

The money I left on the table was gone when I woke up this morning, but I could still smell Elena on my sheets, on my skin. They'd love to know that, wouldn't they? That I'm not the romantic saint they make me out to be. I'd like to see what they'd do if they were allowed one fucking conjugal visit a month for fifteen fucking years. It's not as if I fuck her every night. Only when being alone feels too much to bear. I pay her to take the Polyjuice Marik brews for me--and Christ I hate the pitying look in his eyes when I ask him for it, but there are times when when I need to feel Ron. To smell him and touch him. To pretend he's still here.

Lily slept over Sunday night. I went with her to see him. It's always hard for her, but she prefers going with me than going with Harry. She can hide her emotions better with me, or so she thinks. More like I let her hide them and pretend I don't hear her crying in her room when it's dark and silent. I wonder if that's the right thing to do, but it's hard for me as well, seeing him locked up still, wanting him out so fucking badly. I don't think I can bear her grief too. That makes me a horrible parental figure, I suspect.

But she talks to me some, about what it's like to be Potter's daughter, all the eyes and expectations of the wizarding world on her at such a young age. I understand. They were making action figures of me when I was seventeen. It's nothing that her father wouldn't understand, as well, if she talked to him, but she's hesitant to. Doesn't want him to think that she resents him for putting her in this position, which is ridiculous. Of course she does. She's a teenager. Irrational resentment towards your parents is part of growing up.

I said again she shoud find her own flat, make her own way in the world, instead of living in that dreary old house in Cornwall with her father, and she just looked at me with those eyes that have seen far too much for a girl her age, hair just like her Da's falling into her face, and told me someone had to look after him. Someone has to look after all of us. Ron, Harry, Draco, Snape, me. It's too much. She shouldn't be responsible for us. She's a good girl, that one. Too old for her years.

Sod the tea. Maybe I'll Floo Ginny. She can come over and share a bottle of vodka with me.

Mummy!

I am so glad you're here, although I didn't imagine you would miss it. How wonderful you look, as always. Have you seen Scorpius yet? He'll be delighted to see you out of holidays.

*floo call opened*

Well, what's the trouble? Tippy tells me there's a hullabaloo?

WORT!!!

Merlin, it's good to see you! Where's your father?

*hugs*

Gods, how I've missed you!

Dear Noelle,

Looks like the ticket sales have picked up after that sluggish week we had in Croyden. Boy, there's one desiccated corpse about and the rumor mill just grinds them out, doesn't it? As if one of us would desiccate a perfectly good corpse. Er, we do know where Deirdre was that weekend, don't we?

Anyway, I'm off to pick up the boy's passel of kids for that reunion shindig up at the school. I'm hoping Darwina and Derby can get in a bit of practice for their act in that deep lake they have out there. Flaming mermaid riding is so much more flashy in really murky water…

Any progress with Suri? I'm sure she must have some talent to add to the family circus. Have we tried her with hippogriffs? Nothing makes a crowd gasp as much as a sweet young thing putting her head into the slavering jaws of a hippogriff. Let's try it again if we haven't already.

All right, enough shop talk, sweetums. Don't worry about anything--I'm sure the kids will be fine with their old dad and uncle. If I have to, I'll get out my whip and chair.

Kidding!

--Demi

PS. I shouldn't be late. I'll drop off Dexter's brood before heading back.

PS. Don't forget to get my silk top hat re-stitched. That flaming mermaid really put up a fight…

So, my insanely gorgeous wife, ( who the hell are Pytor and Yasha? )

Isn't this wonderful, Arthur? I don't think we had this many family members in one place even at the last family reunion! I saw you confiscating something from little Arthur earlier; do I want to what it was? I didn't think it would be possible for a child to take after both Charlie and the Twins, but he seems to have done so. At least Bill and Luna's children don't attempt to play pranks with juvenile blast-ended skrewts.

Have you seen Harry's family around at all? I wanted to speak with him regarding pre-Hogwarts education for Kat; it's high time she started and what with his and Draco's new jobs I'm afraid it's slipped their minds.

Molly

By Rita Skeeter

The much heralded first annual Hogwarts Reunion of 2024 was marked by a spectacular turnout and high levels of befuddlement amongst the attendees. Your faithful reporter, while mingling with the crowds, noted several examples of odd behavior. Molly Weasley, for one, was heard loudly remarking on the achievements of various grandchildren, including some that, this reporter assures you, do not exist as of yet (though given the fecundity of the family, anything is possible).

Lily Granger-Weasley, whose bosoms were strikingly displayed in Witch Weekly last week, was seen close to blows with Dean Thomas, accusing him of being Harry Potter's latest paramour. While our hero has certainly made his way through the wizarding world's list of eligible males in the years since the messy break up of his threesome with Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape, Mr. Thomas appears to still be happily married and not at all tempted by our Harry.

In addition to the striking displays put on by members of the Weasley clan, Professor Minerva McGonagall and the ever ghostly Professor Cuthbert Binns seemed to be experiencing confusion regarding the headmaster's position. This reporter saw with her own eyes a notice from Professor Binns to the rest of the Hogwarts staff ordering them down to the event and signed, inexplicably, Headmaster Binns. And Professor McGonagall was seen berating current Headmaster Severus Snape over his recent interactions with the Board of Governors. She was not, however, criticizing his conduct but informing him in no uncertain terms that he was not to usurp her position again.

Perhaps the most unexpected appearance of the afternoon was that of Blaise Zabini, who has not been seen since he disappeared into the Carthusian ice monastery ten years ago. Zabini, who was made much over by his family, spoke very little and wore a most unusual white robe. Your faithful reporter was unable to determine whether this foray into society was temporary or permanent, but given that he's lived as a monk for the past decade, ladies, it would appear that he's still single!

Blaise?

Blaise is that you?

Oh this is so much worse than I expected, look at you! Your hair, and what on earth are you wearing?

My love.

Isn't it BRILLIANT! Seeing all the children happy and their children happy. As for little Arthur, I believe it was a slingshot. The little rascal probably nicked it from my shed. You remember the disasters our own got into when I mistakenly gave them those for Christmas one year.

If the look in Bill's eye is anything to go by, he wouldn't mind another one now that theirs are off to Hogwarts. Though he might have to convince Luna. She did that that Coraline was the last. Quite vehemently if I remember right.

And no! I've been trying to find harry all evening. It seems like I just keep missing him. But when I do find him, I'll remind him that you're ready to take on her lessons. You've done right by all the rest.

Your Arthur

Office supply run WardKey#02234943L To Do List

1. Qwik quills (quant 4 doz) Meeting w/other dept heads re Q4 projections
   
2. Parchment (quant 70 reams) Schedule portkey for FBI (Quantico) consult Friday 0400
   
3. Gourmet coffee (quant 144) Presents for the kids
   
4. Recycled paper coffee/tea cups (quant 47 pkgs) Approve OT for team
   
5. Tea, assorted (quant 144) Howler to Minister re. reduced funding
   
6. Stirrers (quant ???) Find 227 927 galleons
   
7. Owl treats (42 lrg bags) Relocate 227 927 galleons to misc. disc. funds/line itms
   
8. Moth balls (quant, see S) Keynote speech: Int'l Soc Magical Profilers (22 May)
   
9. Gore-B-Gone (lrg spry bottles) Dawes & Yvette basejump Burj Dubai (prep. rig, untrac. wand from vault)
   
10. Manila folders Sack office manager
    
11. Spellotape Finalise Chap 6 Adv. Methods of Nec. Spellcasting, send to Kendrick
    
12. Spellotape dispensers Schedule portkey for Interpol consult Monday 2130
    
13. Floo powder Send edited galleys Intro to Mag. Prof. to Bones for her edits
    
14. Insta-wound sealer Interview candidates for office manager
    
15. Spell repellent (extra strength) Review contact with agent; send comments.
    
16. Extendable ears (see M for bulk discount no.) Patience/Kendrick: anniversary present/party/hotel reservation
    
17. Floo traps (6 lrg capacity) Julia: graduation present (double-wand dragonhide thigh holster, order # 11837Z993A)
    
18. Boggart traps (2) Syllabus/bib Mag. Investig. Practs. to Sébastien; locate room 626, Sorbonne; update transl. spell
    
19. Dictaquill (quant 1) Bones: order flowers, dinner res, pick up for Reunion
    
20. Paper clips Xavier: graduation, email Yvette & Chantal re. Montreal 4 Seasons ballroom res. and deposit for band???
    
21. Rat traps (4) Finalise syllabus, Mag. Forensics 352; send to Dawes by 31 March
    
22. Glue (1 lrg canister) BPO FY2010 final budget, Friday WardKey#02234943U
    

Lukas! Where have you been hiding all day and evening? I've been looking for you. I've some ideas, and as you're my right hand, I need to run them past you so you can tell me how utterly mad they are and then tell me how to fix them before I put the proposals on my sister's desk.

if I didn't know better, I'd say that you've been avoiding me.

Dear Draco,

You asked me at Hogwarts what is it that I want? I want to not want, to not have desires. This afternoon further reaffirmed that wish and also showed me how far away I am from attaining it. I suspect the quest will take the rest of my life.

By the time you receive this letter I will be gone. I cannot stay; I am pretty certain that my family have some kind of custodial action in stall for me. The extreme lengths people would go in the name of love.

I have gone about the whole thing wrong the first time. This time I will disappear. I still remember the things we learned in the order (of the Phoenix that is), when we were spies. I know how to disappear. Not that you will come looking for me, I know you will respect my wishes, but you can help impress upon others the futility of a search.

I was very glad to see you, Draco. It is a comfort to me that you, Scorpius and Miss Weasley are doing so well, all things considered.

I wish that you will have all your heart's desires and all the happiness in the world.

Goodbye.

Your friend,
Blaise

Another cryptic note from the twins. Some new prank for their birthdays, I know. Something to do with the the journals and maybe they're doing it for me as every entry since before I was tried has mysteriously been deleted today. Still, undoubtedly it will be back as expected tomorrow and I hope they had fun. Perhaps yes they even did it for me, but how many ways can I say that nothing changes anything. I don't forget, there's never a day when I've forgotten. And I don't forgive myself, I will never forgive myself and, in one of the great ironies, my refusal to do so and to want to leave is quite enough to prove to the sequence of Healers trying to make sense of my case that I am still not well and they have at least a little longer to get to the bottom of it.

It's nice to be useful. I always liked to be useful. I should do something useful now, in the tiny ways I still can. I should write to Viktor or Lily or Mum and Dad and make them feel better. Or I should add to that chess guide Sirius is pressing me for and which he believes in a thousand times more than I do. It's what I can do. It's my sole remaining purpose, to compensate for what happened in and after the war. Which is also ironic because in making them feel better I also prolong their more general pain over who I am and what became of me. But the decision was made too long ago. I will live on and on and, in the end, I will fade away, and every year I lose is a little more like the debt I have to pay.

But in honour of Fred and George's latest display of triumphant brilliance I finally add an entry rather than just poring over every detail of the lives I cannot touch now. Here, boys, although you'll never see it, I offer you a birthday present and my hearty congratulations on your still being the most brilliant minds in the wizarding world who have never felt personally compelled to change it. I don't think that's a bad thing any more. You're like the anti-Tom Riddle, aren't you? So I'm just going to be glad of the proof that you're happy.

Happy birthday, Fred, George. Oh and Sirius. I raise an imagined glass to you.