The Dungeons

By Rita Skeeter

The Prophet is pleased to report that rogue Auror Ron Weasley, who escaped from involuntary confinement in St. Mungo's yesterday evening, was returned to the hospital by his parents early this morning.

"A 24-hour monitoring charm with a motion alarm has now been added to the wards on Auror Weasley's room," said Newton Uppendiker, director of St. Mungo's ward for the criminally insane. "Mr. Weasley's wand has also been confiscated and he will no longer be permitted to set his own potions dosages." When asked why Weasley was given such liberties in the first place, Healer Uppendiker snapped that "funding had been cut for the ward" and that "four assistants could only go so far towards doing the work of eight."

While The Prophet certainly sympathizes with the funding difficulties of the ward for the criminally insane, we have to wonder just how secure the Wizarding world is from the patients housed in the facility if Weasley was able to escape so easily. We can't help but feel that our loyal readers dodged a hex when Weasley chose to go to his childhood home, where his parents were waiting to return him to St. Mungo's. The hospital and the Ministry would do well to increase both the budget and the security in the ward for the criminally insane to prevent the future escapes of Weasley, or any of the other equally unpleasant characters housed within those walls.