Haven't done one of these in a while... Haven't needed to. But I need to talk about things, and I can't talk to Moony about himself, and to my surprise I find myself... a bit isolated. I used to be such a social animal, but since we came home I've wanted to STAY at home. I have my mate and my cub, and that should be enough, right? Finally all the wars and horrors are over, and I can settle into a good, quiet life. Harry doesn't need me, hasn't in a long time and likely won't in the future. That still rankles. That will ALWAYS rankle. But I've let other friendships slide a bit, I fear. And I didn't want to go back to the MLE again, I didn't want to be an Auror anymore and get stuck in all the cack of politics and enforcement and paperwork or wade into the shit of Wizarding crime. I'd had ENOUGH, right? Haven't I give a lifetime -- TWO! -- to it? I deserve a retirement, don't I? Let the young ones handle it, I say.
But then I found myself getting ... Merlin's bollocks, I've been BORED lately. I was just on the verge of thinking, perhaps it's time to pop by the MLE and see if there isn't something -- something SMALL -- they could use an extra wand with...
And then Moony. Bugger me blind, I thought that a good long bake in the sun and then coming home might be the best thing for him. But he just gets more and more poorly, his magic and his heart and how clinging and vulnerable he's become -- and this past full moon... Oh, Godric, I had my heart in my throat. I thought this was IT, this time I was going to lose him, after everything and all we've been through, after all the fighting we've done just to have a bleeding LIFE together -- I was shaking, I was ...
If I lost him, I'd be lost. Even the idea, thinking about it -- the first thing that comes to mind is, I'd die. I'd die. I'd die without him. But then I have to bring myself up short and think of Artemisia. She needs me. She would need me even more if...
I can't think about this anymore. There must be something that can be done. Something. ANYthing. Whatever it takes. Godric's bloody sword, how I wish there were someone who could HELP.
I've been doing so well since the war, but I fear I might be losing my mind again. The other night, on the way back to see Moony at Hogwarts infirmary, I thought... I don't know, I don't know... I might just be wishing ... NO. I did. I truly did. The NOSE does not lie, not in this. This wasn't hearing rats in the walls or feeling maggots under my skin.
I saw Minerva that night. Smelled her really, down by Puddifoot's in Hogsmeade. Minerva! Well, Swatty to be specific, and before I thought twice I was on four legs trying to track her down. Then I saw her -- good old Swatnose, chasing rats of all things! HA! What a joy it was to catch that scent! I thought how much fun it would be to join her -- I must admit that when I'm Snuffles I'm sometimes... easily distracted. HA! But she ran like a -- like a startled cat in fact. Can't say that was a surprise! I chased her for a bit and ran her to ground under the little hole in the cellar foundation of the Hog's Head. That hole is far too small for me on two legs or four, so after I snuffed around for a while I got back on two legs and called her name once or twice. She didn't answer, but I swear to Godric I heard KITTENS in there. Which is absolutely absurd. She can't have kittens -- she's not a real cat, she's an animagus! Moony always joked that it was a bloody good thing that animagi can't breed with animals or I'd have had litter after litter of pups by now. Heh. But thinking of Moony made me think of MOONY! And back to his side I went.
It wasn't until I was back at his bedside that I thought... isn't Minerva dead? Didn't she die in the last war?
But it would be a disservice to Minerva not to give her the benefit of the doubt. She's always been a clever, canny old wench. Almost as canny as me. And after all, being dead never stopped me, did it?
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