While I might not have had quite as much fun as Muriel and Arthur did, I enjoyed every word of this story. Sure, Muriel got to howl with lust, but I howled with laughter at lines like this: It seemed very important to inform the world that the wizard’s staff had a knob on the end and at Arthur and the wave oven ("almost like magic!"), and the way you describe the broken tephelone receiver, and the noodles (ahaha, the noodles).
I like that the story, for all its humor, is edged about with seriousness. I like you didn't fill in all the details about the Molly/Arthur split, since they don't matter; I like your stalwart Bill and your delightful Mrs Figg, and most of all, I adore Muriel and Griphook. Goblins get off on jewels and gold -- well, of course they do! And they bedeck their paramours with them. Inspired. Muriel and Griphook are so well-matched, each the other's equal in rudeness and self-assurance. And the sex -- hot and touching at the same time. The tiara!! That whole premise is just made of win, and so is the whole sex scene. "Beast me" -- hahaha. I like the way you present the goblins overall, the way you make clear their cultural pov and history and their particular prejudices. And this exchange -- just great:
"No age at all for a goblin," said the goblin. "Is it old for a witch? I never can tell with humans." Muriel snorted. "Preposterous!" she said. "You must see that I’m an old woman!" "All humans look the same to me," said the goblin.
Your Muriel -- superb. I've always liked her as a character, and now, after these wonderful Beholder stories, she's one of my absolute favorites. You make her a perfectly IC continuation of canon. She's outrageous and knows it and just dares anyone to call her on it, which of course no one will do, because by god, she's 108 years old! We can all just deal with it. You place her believably within the prejudices and attitudes that must have been typical of her generation; of course she'd be anti-Muggle and anti-Muggle-born and anti-goblin (and her views of the French! ha) You do such a great job of imagining how she'd think of Muggles -- Muggles, unable to communicate through fireplaces or by sending patronuses to each other, had to leave their marks on walls, like wild kneazles.
You have a funny, insight-packed, wonderfully-paced style that really adds to the fun of the story. I'd love to quote all my favorite lines, but I'll restrain myself and say merely that you've given spot-on povs for both Muriel and Arthur.
A treat of a story. Muriel/Griphook -- now officially one of my favorite pairings.