Re: *coughs* Long comment is long
Then this line just stopped me cold and sent a pang right through me, because I wasn't expecting it. The timing and the understatement are really breathtaking: She rolled the bag familiarly in the palm of her hand, then looked up to catch a fleeting expression of pity on his face, and she understood that this was goodbye.
And it's this that leads to his fatal error, the deliberate missed shot that allows the stones to turn on him. The cruelty of it, and Eileen's helplessness to stop it, are painful.
She'd enchanted it herself and pitted it against Tobias, knowing she couldn't lose, and then she'd stuck seven consecutive gobs and blown him out of the ring. He'd hated her ever since. This is the moment at which the story pivoted on its axis and I realized what Eileen had done. No wonder Tobias hates her; no wonder he hates magic, and tried to destroy the shooter by dropping it down the radiator. No wonder their home is such a miasma of depression and torpor, and no wonder Eileen has convinced herself to give up magic. What a horrible charade this marriage must be, and what a terrible onus for a child to bear.
She thought that she must have Obliviated herself somehow, all those years ago, only she had done it in the Muggle manner, with telly and supermarkets and slow, grey despair. Oh God, poor Eileen. One of the miracles of this fic is how deeply I sympathize with her, even while recoiling from what she's capable of. And her self-punishment doesn't excuse her refusal to face the consequences, because look who suffers for it anyway.
There was nothing she could say to his pitiful murmur of mum mum mum; he would either forget this or he would fret for always. Some of the horror of this scenario remains unspoken; it draws upon our knowledge of who Snape will become. He knows now the truth of how he was conceived, the rape that brought him into existence, and he's been forced to re-enact it in a way that will make it impossible for him ever to look his mother in the face again. I imagine he'll feel dirty for the rest of his life, that he'll always be able to smell the aphrodisiac stench of the gobstones on himself. He'll never be able to forget this, because he's not like his mother; he's angrier and more intelligent. Although after this he'll become capable of the same violation, the same ruthlessness, as Eileen. He won't care.
Maybe that's him, she thought dumbly, knowing she'd never hear his voice again. He's missed it already. Augh, so sad and so destructive. And the wistful shadow behind the thought of "missed it" instead of "missed her" – as if she can't even bring herself to articulate it – underscores her loss. I can scarcely imagine what state Severus must be in by this point. Eileen is pitiful enough.
The last line is perfect, crushing, almost like a death sentence. There's an extra fillip of irony in knowing that she uses the potions textbook for this abomination before forwarding it on to Hogwarts, into her son's hands. And Tobias' exultant phone call is downright creepy, as if his triumph is somehow connected to the crime coming full circle and ravaging Severus. As if his Muggle victory is won at the price of the magic shifting from him to destroy his unwanted child.
Really, I don't know how it is that something so devastating can at the same time be so beautiful.
I've finally talked myself out. As brutal as it is, I love this fic with an unholy love, and I have to end by repeating what I told a friend: if someone were ever to write Severus Snape's biography, I'd want it to be you. It would probably shatter me into a million pieces, but it would be awesome and brilliant and above all, unbearable. And by that I mean nothing but the highest praise.