Hotel Hell Network

Seems like a lot of people checked out today. Guess they got to get home.

Why am I here? And who is in charge of this place?

If this is the part in the abduction where I'm tortured multiple times and in varying positions for information, you should know that I'll never talk. Yes, even if you handcuff me to the bed and pour Hershey's Special Dark chocolate syrup all over my body while ravaging me for days, I shall not utter a single intelligible word.

I warn you, I'm the sort of hot mamma-jamma that would make your appendages cramp in vaguely suggestive ways.

Can anyone tell me why I've been brought here so I can help who needs to be helped, and get home?