Who: Joel, Brand, and Keegan What: Celebrating Joel finishing his book rewrites and also finding out some awk information Where: Cha Cha Lounge in Silver Lake When: Friday night Rating: Bad words, drunkeness (maybe one day I'll post a thread where Brand isn't drunk or hungover????)
Joel had finished his book! Or at least the hard part of finishing his book. There was still a lot more stuff to do, apparently, but he didn't have work on the manuscript anymore. So Brand had decided they all needed to go out for a family celebration. They had to leave the dog at home, but at least all the adults were going out. Keegan could get her requisite one drink and Brand and Joel could make up for all the ones that she didn't drink.
They were at the Cha Cha Lounge, which was pretty crowded, but they managed to get themselves a booth and spread out in it. Everything was fine and good until Joel started doing that thing he had been doing lately, which was pointing out dudes to see if Brand would be interested in them. Like, he didn't do it a lot, but he did it enough that it annoyed Brand greatly. It was basically rubbing salt in a very fresh wound. Brand was DEALING and he was doing fine, but there was definitely a low-key kind of melancholy running through the back of his mind at all times. So it kind of made that melancholy start turn into infinite sadness whenever Joel made it obvious that he was not into Brand at all.
Anyway, like the third time that night that Joel pointed out a dude, Brand had enough. "Would you fucking stop?" he frowned, his voice getting kind of tight. "I told you, I do just fine on my own so I don't need you to like, fucking Yenta me or be my wingman or whatever the fuck you're doing." It was kind of an overreaction. Brand stood up abruptly (as much as standing was possible in a booth), and said, kind of embarrassed, "I'm getting another drink." And then he slid out the side and left. He needed to, like, step away and chill out.
Keegan didn’t enjoy drinking for, what she liked to think were, very valid reasons. Both of her parents were alcoholics and vast swaths of her childhood, as a result, were left out of her control in most ways. She didn’t like the way she felt uncoordinated, discombobulated and incapable of controlling her own faculties when drunk. She wasn’t self-righteous about it, so long as her family and friends weren’t stupid about it and didn’t do shit like drive while drunk or whatever. She had a gin and tonic in front of her and she was nursing the hell out of it, as usual of course. She was a tad overdressed for the place they were in, but this was only her first stop of the night and she didn’t want to have to go back and change once she had to cut out on the guys.
Keegan cringed every time Joel started to try and play Brand’s very aggressive wingman. She would shoot him wide-eyed ‘wtf!’ looks every time he did it, when Brand wasn’t looking but Joel seemed completely oblivious. It would have been comical if it hadn’t been making Brand so upset. When Brand suddenly snapped at Joel and then slipped out of the booth, Keegan stared at Joel, glaring and expectant.
“Okay, okay sorry!” Joel called after Brand. He looked across the table and spotted Keegan giving him the stink eye. He furrowed his brow, already a few decent drinks in. “What?” He asked.
Keegan’s eyebrows jumped up her forehead. She shifted in her seat and sat back, crossing one leg over the other and shaking her head. “Thank you for finally providing me an excuse to flat out ask you this, Joel,” She cleared her throat. “Are you purposefully being a vicious asshole, or does it just come so naturally to you that you even unleash the beast on your best friend?” She crossed her arms and arched her eyebrows higher as if to say, ‘Well?’
Joel’s jaw hung open and he laughed abruptly. “Wh-wha-whatttt?” He asked through his chuckles as he looked over at her. “What the fuck are you talking about? I’m just trying to-,”
“Oh for fucksake, you can’t be serious right now,” Keegan cut him off, brow dropping for furrow in disbelief and agitation.
“I’m not oblivious!” Joel said. “I knew he was a bisexual, I just had to wait for him to tell me! What’s so wrong with wanting to help him out, now that it’s out?” He defended, holding his hand up bent at the elbow as he asked it. He took a drink from his beer bottle.
Across from him Keegan gaped at him. “You idiot” She said with a slow shake of her head. “Have you not figured out why he told you??”
Joel gave her a perplexed look. “What? I don’t - because I’m his best friend.” Joel shrugged.
Keegan let out a sarcastic scoff. “Oh my fucking god, how are you so fucking oblivious??” she demanded. “You’re a writer! Aren’t you supposed to be fucking observant??”
Joel scrunched his eyes shut and and held a hand up, palm out waving it at her, “Okay, okay, geez! Why don’t you just tell me what the fuck you’re talking about?”
Keegan sat forward and leveled her gaze on Joel. “Brand has feelings for you, you moronic neanderthal!” She snapped at him, eyebrows hiking up as if, this time, to say ‘do you get it yet???’
Joel gaped at her across the table for a long few moments. He blinked. Keegan sat back and re-crossed her arms, satisfied but the stupefied look on Joel’s face. She pressed her lips together. “Yeah, dummy - understand why he’s so agitated now? It’s because you’re being a super ginormous uber douchenozzle.” She pressed her lips back together and shook her head. She spotted Brand heading back their way and uncrossed her arms, relaxed and put a small smile on her face. She even picked up her drink and took a sip!
Joel was quiet - a rarity for him!! - as he sat there, dumbfounded, brow creased in thought and mouth hanging just slightly agape as he stared at a random spot of the table.
Brand felt bad for losing his cool. He really did. And he was pretty ashamed of himself too, which was why he came back with a tray that had his new drink on it, as well as four shots of tequila.
"Peace offering?" he said, cringing when he saw the look on Joel's face. Great. He put a damper on the whole night. He glanced at Keegan quickly with a frown and put the tray down on the table.
"Hey, like, m'sorry for biting your head off," Brand said, looking at Joel again. "That was stupid. We're out here for you and everything, and I'm acting like a huge douche. I know you're just trying to be supportive. I think, like," he twisted his mouth up a little bit, "I mean I only quit smoking again a couple days ago so I'm still in that irritable mood...y'know." He took two of the shots off the tray and put them down in front of Joel. "Sorry."
Keegan felt bad that she had broken Joel’s brain only because she didn’t want him to upset Brand more. When Brand started talking, Joel blinked and looked at him and Keegan noticed his forehead creasing and arching and relaxing in erratic intervals. He didn’t seem to know what to say to what Brand had said to them so Keegan smiled. “Well that’s awfully sweet of you, Brand, riiiiiiiight Joel?” She asked as she literally kicked him in the shin under the table.
Joel jolted in his seat and blinked again. “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah,” He cleared his throat as he moved in the booth to let Brand sit back down. “Yeah, no,” He cleared his throat again and picked up one of the shots. “Water under the bridge, buddy,” He nodded.
Keegan almost groaned in secondhand embarrassment for the dude but didn’t comment. Instead she waited until Joel picked up his shot and then lifted her own drink with one hand before reaching out to shoo Brand back into the booth with the other. “Tooooooooooo books being finished, quitting smoking a second time around annnnnnnnd being way too overdressed for this place and giving no fucks about it!” She cheered to try and job them all back into fun.
Brand was drunk, but not drunk enough to notice that Joel was still acting weird even though he said all was forgiven. He didn't notice Keegan was also acting weird though, but that was just because he was so focused on Joel. As usual. Anyway, Keegan shoved Brand back into the booth, so he complied and picked up his shot.
He smiled with a chuckle when she made that toast (and also, he was always delighted to see her drinking). "Yeah, giving fucks is the worst," he agreed, holding his shot glass aloft. He turned to Joel and gave him a grin, arching his eyebrows and hoping he'd look less weird. Brand really hoped he hadn't actually hurt his feelings.
“That depends on the context,” Keegan retorted before she could stop herself as she took a sip from her drink.
Joel almost swallowed his tongue. He was panicking. Was he panicking? Maybe he was panicking. Brand had feelings for him? Could that really be true? And had he told Keegan that? Or was Keegan just fucking with him? He nodded and grinned as he held his shot up. “Cheers!” He nodded and then brought his shot in and chugged it back…followed immediately by the second one after he had put down the first empty glass. At least he had an excuse for his eyes to be wide after that as he cringed while it burned its way down to his stomach.
Brand had barely swallowed when Joel was picking up his second shot. After his own cringing and everything was over, he hit Joel on the arm with the back of his hand. "Jesus dude, what the hell? We're supposed to take 'em together. It's symbolic of my apology and our making up." He shook his head and gave Keegan a confused glance before taking care of the second shot to catch up.
Joel inhaled a hiccup and put his hand to his chest a moment. God, that burned. Damn. He mustered up the most innocent shrug he could. “Sorry, man - guess now that you’re healthier again, you’ll have to re-learn how to keep up,” He attempted to joke.
Keegan cringed, first for the both of them doing those shots and then because of Joel’s attempt at a joke. She pressed her lips together and shrugged when Brand looked her way. He, she was just trying to keep Joel from being an oblivious jerk -- She couldn’t believe Joel had been that oblivious!!!
Brand's face was crumpled up and he bumped the table with his fist before taking a quick sip of his other, much smoother drink. As he was lowering his glass, Joel made that stupid joke and Brand actually laughed at it. Partially because he was drunk, partially because he was relieved Joel wasn't pissed at him, and partially because, well, y'know. It was Joel. Whatever. Brand gave him a little smirk and took another drink before sitting back in the booth, feeling more relaxed again now.
"So now that the book is like done-done, when's it s'posed to come out again?" he asked, leaning his head against the back of the seat and turning to look at Joel.
Keegan considered kicking Joel again to get his attention to focus. “Good question - also a good question, when should we expect to fend of your army of fanmoms once they see your first photoshoot?” She smirked.
Joel grimaced at Keegan’s question. He sighed and shook his head. He wasn’t looking forward to that end of things at all. “Uh…” he squinted as he looked over at Brand. “Probably sometime around March once it goes through the rest of the planning phases?” He said.
Brand nodded and he took another sip from his drink. "It's gonna be so fucking weird, dude," he said, meaning the whole actual fame thing. "But don't worry, Kraw'll be a good guard dog to scare away the moms. And Keegan and totally lift and toss anyone she needs to." He glanced at Keegan with a grin.
Joel laughed, almost giggled, at the image of Keegan just randomly hurling people away like ragdolls.
Keegan let out a snort of laughter and shook her head. “I’m happy to be your Incredible Hulk?” She shrugged. “My skills come at a price, though - like digging into your pockets to do my grocery shopping.” She narrowed her eyes at Joel, who was still laughing at the mental image.
Brand snickered and shook his head. "Man, too bad we gotta wait like a whole year for Halloween to come around again 'cause it's be awesome to see you covered in green paint," he laughed. Then he turned to Joel and gave his arm a whack. "And stop fuckin'...eatin' her food," he chastised in a not-very-threatening voice (he was still chuckling and grinning) with a not-very-threatening finger point. "How many times do I gotta tell you?"
Keegan shook her head. “You’ve got yourself some mighty weird fetishes, Mr. Gartner – and to think, we share Puppy Spawn. This is disturbing,” she teased with a smirk.
“Whaaaaaat?” Joel barely managed to feign innocence with as much enthusiasm as usual. “She has no physical evidence – the burden of proof is hers to prove!” He reasoned, though there were a couple of times lately that he had given Keegan money for grocery shopping things since, seriously, he ate a lot of food. Usually hers.
"You're such an asshole," Brand grinned at Joel before turning to Keegan. "We gotta set up cameras or something. Make it a sting operation. Doesn't even matter that I'm sayin' this in front of him," Brand reached out without looking and gave Joel a firm pat on his chest, holding his hand there for just a moment, "because the motherfucker can't help himself anyway and'll continue eating your shit no matter what."
Joel arched his eyebrows slightly when Brand’s hand landed on his chest midway through taking a drink from his glass. He blinked and looked down at it as he moved his glass away from his face.
Keegan spared a few sideways glances toward Joel as Brand rambled about the nefarious plans. “I have no doubt Joel is capable of forgetting that we’re going to sit here and discuss out to set him up to show evidence of his food theft,” She smirked. “I mean, it’s fairly obvious he’s not always aware of his surroundings....eating things like dog treats…”
Brand snickered, turning back to Joel. “Yeah, we’re never letting him live that one down,” he said, as if Joel wasn’t actually there. Then he gasped and whipped his head back around to look at Keegan. “Did I tell you what he told me about them? He thinks they actually tasted good!” That wasn’t quite what Joel had texted him that one time, but in Brand’s inebriated mind it was close enough.
“I did not say that!” Joel insisted in a distracted stammer, shaking his head.
Keegan arched her eyebrows and snickered. “Yeah, no, I’m inclined to believe that’s what you thought because there were a lot of those missing and I know the dog didn’t climb up and grab them!”
Brand let out a loud laugh and even smacked his hand on the table. "You can't even deny it," he shook his head at Joel. "And I'm pretty sure you told me this in public on the internet. So when you go public next year all your fans are gonna dig up your old posts and we'll see a TMZ headline or something about 'Teen Author Eats Dog Food'," Brand said, snickering as he lifted up his glass to take another drink.
“Oooooooh…..no, go back and mark it private, guys!” Keegan looked back and forth between them. “Then we can be the ones that sell it and random crappy personal cell phone pictures to shit like TMZ -- we need to capitalize so we can buy our house in full and prepare to turn it into a fortress,” she laughed.
Brand was going to object to Keegan's objection, but then she went and had an even better idea which almost made him cough with laughter as he swallowed his drink. He shook his head as he lowered his glass, still chuckling. "Oh man, Keeg. Don't worry. I got literal decades of dirt on him, and a lot of it is super well-documented because I take a lot of pictures." A lot of pictures of Joel, specifically. He was a convenient subject, after all. But also, well, you know. Brand just liked taking pictures of him.
Joel gaped at Keegan but he was still distracted by things. “I’d expected evil plans like this from him, but I thought you were supposed to be the nice one!”
Keegan shrugged and mustered up the best innocent expression she could. “Hey, doesn’t hurt to stack the deck in our favor, in light of the clear hardships we’ll deal with on your account,” She smirked.
"Yeah, it's enough of a sacrifice already being your friends, and you're about to make it way harder on us," Brand smiled at Joel. "Honestly, I don't know why we do this to ourselves."
“We’re masochists, clearly,” Keegan quipped, finally finishing off the last of her drink and setting the glass down.
“Wait a sec, but I’m not the one that gets on TV by like, rappelling off a highway overpass to pick up chicks!” Joel motioned a hand to gesture toward Keegan.
Keegan laughed. “It’s so cute when you’re jealous of my ability to pick up women,” She grinned.
Brand snickered as he took another drink. "She's right," he nodded, not realizing that implied he thought Joel was cute, "she's way smoother than you. Didn't you, like, pick up Christie by spilling coffee on her?" He turned to Keegan and shook his head. "Real amateur romcom stuff."
Joel shrugged. “Worked though, didn’t it?” He reasoned, arching his eyebrows as he looked at Brand. Then again, it hadn’t worked out in the end, but Joel couldn’t help that now. He definitely wasn’t drunk enough, or oblivious enough anymore, to miss the part where Brand basically agreed with Keegan about him being cute (or at least cute when he was jealous of Keegan’s lady skills??). Joel wasn’t sure what he should think about such things.
Keegan smirked and shook her head. “On that note,” She said as she glanced at her watch and realized what time it was, “I have a date, boys,” She gave them a lopsided smirk and picked up her bag as she moved to stand. “Try to stay out of trouble and get home safe when you’re done, huh?” She narrowed her eyes as she looked back and forth between the two.
“Yes, mom,” Joel rolled his eyes and then picked his drink up to take a few chugs.
Brand was nice enough that he didn’t point out that yeah, it definitely didn’t work out in the end. Instead he pointed a finger at Keegan. “And you be careful too. Try not to pull any daredevil stunts on this one.”
Keegan laughed and reached out to ruffle up Brand’s hair. “No promises!” She called over her shoulder with a grin as she headed away from the table and for the door.
Joel shook his head. “We should make her a superhero costume and just hang it in her closet,” He smirked.
Brand ducked his head and snickered when she messed with his hair. "Byeeeee," he called after her, reaching up to half-heartedly fix his hair.