Sirius sank heavily to the ground, shaking with way more than just the cold. He couldn't even feel the snow soaking through his muggle trousers.
It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. In what universe would he have betrayed James, killed Peter, any of it? It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. But what if it was? What if in less than a year he finally went dark side. All that fucked up Black blood inside of him boiling over and making him lose his fucking mind. That was the only way, he must have gone completely mental. If he was himself, if he had a choice, he would have died before he let anything happen to James and Lily and their baby.
"I, I don't know what to say Moony." He pulled his knees to his chest, looking every inch the lost puppy. "I, I can't imagine, I can't believe I would do that. I would rather die. I would rather die than hurt any of you. But, I know I'm fucked up too. I don't know. I, imperious? Could that have? I don't know Moony. I wouldn't hurt them. I, I don't know. I..."
He shook his head and pulled his hair. He had to think. This couldn't be true. There had to be something he could do about it!